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| Blogs > potbelliedman > Whats going on in this world? |
Missed opportunities
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Missed opportunities I fucked up! I'll tell you why a little bit later, but let me start this blog by saying that sometimes, I guess it's not so bad to think of the past. Yesterday, I met an old high school friend of mine. S and I have been friends since 1993. She is the most loyal and trusting person. I swear, I must be an asshole, because it seems like she is never late with a card on holidays, although I don't normally send them....She always has new pics of her family and writes me long letters telling me about how they are doing..and I rarely write back unless it's an email. She is so giving and full of life. A wife, and mother now but back when I was a cool senior, she was the nerdy girl who wanted to be my girl friend. I pulled the whole "You're like my sister." thing on her, but the truth was, I was still a bit shy of girls, and also I was going through a profound change in life where I was not so certain of many things going on....not to mention I was months away from joining the Army. One time....I wanted to get her to leave me alone...I was so nasty....I skinned the head of the cat I was dissecting in Biology, and hung the skinned face by the eyes in her locker on the coat hooks. That got her to leave me alone for about a week...but after that she forgave me. What a heart of gold! She wrote to me in boot camp, AIT, and my first two duty stations. Eventually, she started talking about a guy named R. I liked what I heard but admit, I was sorta concerned because he was from Mexico, and I did not know his intentions. In 98 I was at the Kansas TKD state championships fighting in full contact kumite style matches. S and R came to watch me, my cousin filmed it, and my gf at the time came too. We had a good time after at the party despite my 2nd place ranking....I talked with R in great length and found that I really liked the guy. Now here is where I fucked up....This weekend S came up here and we went to an amusement park known as Worlds Of Fun. She wanted to get away from her family for a while so we just made it a day trip. We acted just like high school again. Riding everything we could, laughing and playing. And I got to thinking...(Uh oh...) This is one amazing woman! To stay loyal and friendly to me for so long with an undying love. I'm honored that she turned to me for some R&R, but here is where the problem came in. Recently I've been suffering from a really low libido. But on several rides, where she took a position right in front of me, and the centrifugal force pushed her back into me, I found myself very happy, if ya know what I mean. I warned her at one point that was going to happen, and she brushed it off as only natural...Wow! So cool! But I started to think about what I fool I've been over the years, to never even give her a chance other then a shared kiss in high school where such a display of affection was forbidden...(Damn you fucking Seventh Day Adventist Church!) but I don't know why I had no interest in her then. I guess over the years, and with trial and error, I've found what types of relationships I need. If I had been a smarter man in my youth, I could have everything I want in a relationship with her. I'm not jealous of R, in fact I'm happy for the guy (especially after seeing what she could do with a large lollipop!) I hope he knows what he has. I know times are hard for them now. But with such a woman...only a fool, like myself would let that slip away. She's the type worth fighting for. Even dying for. I can't have her in this life time. But I am so touched that a person like her has remained a constant friend in life. And I hope that in the next one, I can be what ever it is to make her happy. If this is the love monkey on my back, I think in this case, I'll just have to spank it! Ken  |
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Sweety you know my view on things so I won't say it. If we were smarter when we were young we wouldn't learn anything. "Temptation is fun...Giving in is even better.."
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Oh and btw You were a real prick that was nasty hanging the cat skin in the poor girls locker. "Temptation is fun...Giving in is even better.."
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7/16/2007 5:48 pm |
touching story! At least you now know how valuable she truly is! Way to go... some people never see it! She sounds like quite a woman! Sometimes we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
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i know from experience that sometimes that perfect person is right in fron of you and you somehow just completely miss it. hindsight is 20/20, just chalk it up to the ignorance of youth. ask me sometime and i'll tell you how i've fucked up with a few mr. wonderful's of my own lol. instead i decided to marry someone who was emotionally handicapped and completely wrong for me in several ways. luckily we got divorced and are now able to be friends.
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7/17/2007 6:14 am |
Hey...You never know... Anything is possible...   
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Ken, That was a courageous and beautiful story - not alot of people would look that deep to see what you are seeing now. I believe that some people are just in our lives for some unknown reason. Maybe that was the reason she has stayed in your life all of these years - unconditionally? Maybe the lesson is exactly the one you just learned. We get what we get when we need it. Like you said, be grateful that you have her. She sounds like an very special woman. Those do not come along everyday. BehindMyBlues
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7/17/2007 7:37 pm |
I've missed many opportunities for finding Mr. Right. And now I'm just learning to take one step at a time w/a new person. I dont want to get burned again. BTW I got laid.
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Just don't get so lost in the past that you let another opportunity pass you by. I have more to say on that but I think I will save it and email you. "Temptation is fun...Giving in is even better.."
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7/18/2007 4:42 pm |
Hey...You never know... Anything is possible...
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7/20/2007 10:16 am |
Oh, this struck such a chord here didn't it. I often wonder what happened to Troy. I know what happened to Chris, but I haven't talked to him in ages. Its a bit too scary to talk to him now that I'm single again. I think I have become commitment phobic and it has caused some serious concerns. Even the kids have noticed. Come for the breasts, Stay for the brains! L
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7/20/2007 5:21 pm |
All I know is this...I rather enjoy not having to answer to anyone other than my conscience and my kids. I'm a bit skittish about losing myself in a relationship. Perhaps I won't have to. Maybe I'll find a man who won't mind sharing me. You do have to watch out for yourself particularly when you're so busy that you hardly have anytime to decompress. Come for the breasts, Stay for the brains! L
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7/20/2007 8:03 pm |
Yes, I'm trying to do the same thing...that is being careful with whom I choose to date. I think I'm pretty clear about it when I date. I'm not sure though if my mishaps have been my skittishness, me not being clear, or him wanting something different. Come for the breasts, Stay for the brains! L
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Sometimes we don't realize what a good thing is, until it is gone. A wise man realizes this before it walks out the door, or at least when it comes back for a brief whisper of "hello". It's the fool who never, ever see's this. I think you are a wise man, now anyway Sultry
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7/22/2007 3:41 am |
OH OH you know how I love that shit...go ahead and send the email my way!! I will do my best to be of some help!
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