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Blogs > hotdreamer1000 > While I was Dreaming

The Struggle continues  

hotdreamer1000 64M
8677 posts
10/30/2008 7:46 am

Last Read:
11/3/2008 5:25 am
The Struggle continues

My heart is churning.

I have had a few texts from the blogger that loved me, and we spoke on Monday, but now that seems so long ago and she seems so distant somehow. Every day that goes by without speaking to her I miss her more and i fear she will miss me less.

I want to tell you all about her, but it feels so disloyal.

I want to write to her and remind her that we never fought, that we were happy together, that we made each other feel safe and alive. I want to hear her voice and tell her about all the good times we had together, but today I feel I must not....that I must let her talk to me only when she wants. At the same time she says she will be there for me, to help me through the hurt, just not in an emotional way.

How can someone push their feelings out of their heart like that? I am so scared that if I keep telling her how I feel all I am doing is helping make her want to get over me, helping her to hide from her feelings and run away. She always told me that was a temptation she had to fight. More torture. She still cares for me, why can't we be together? Reasons, reasons I know, some are within my gift.....and she won't let herself be involved, she's not ready for a relationship and I am not able to be completely available yet, if ever - I have to follow The Plan. All the time I ache for her inside.

You can see how my mind is still whirling round. Those of you who know the story know this is not a good way for me to be if I am to try to resolve everything else.

Overall I am better than last week. I think. I must just keep going.

rm_cum2kissu2 59F
10784 posts
10/30/2008 9:59 am

 I've got some thoughts on this one Hun,
but i'll keep it private.

Talk to you soon.
You're in my thoughts

Kizza


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/30/2008 11:31 am
    Quoting  :
Thanks Mzhunny.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/30/2008 11:32 am
    Quoting rm_cum2kissu2:
    I've got some thoughts on this one Hun,
    but i'll keep it private.

    Talk to you soon.
    You're in my thoughts

    Kizza
Always glad to hear what you think Sharon.


hippiechick1967 60F  
13154 posts
10/30/2008 7:38 pm

 Sometimes choosing not
To make a decision is
Choosing after all

Elevate me...


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/31/2008 2:55 am
    Quoting  :
I have to be a bit careful reacting as I feel - my feelings are pretty changeable. And I would be in America being sent home by now probably.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/31/2008 2:56 am
    Quoting hippiechick1967:
    Sometimes choosing not
    To make a decision is
    Choosing after all
Yes, there is that danger.


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