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Blogs > hotdreamer1000 > While I was Dreaming

Too Close  

hotdreamer1000 64M
8677 posts
10/16/2009 7:30 am

Last Read:
10/20/2009 12:07 pm
Too Close

I have had to stop being friends with someone recently. I didn't want to stop; she was very supportive and made me feel good about myself and the things I spend my life on.

But something awkward was happening between us. In the end I managed to get her to tell me what it was. She said she had been falling in love with me. She is married and has , and she's not the type to jeapordize that, even if she wanted to. Nor am I. (She didn't want to tell me, but things were getting weird and I coaxed it out of her.) I didn't have any idea she was feeling that way. I mean we were friendly, maybe flirted a little, maybe I thought she fancied me, but only in the mildest possible way, so that was a nice feeling.

I like her, but I am not in love with her. I guess she could be sexy, but I haven't considered it, and I don't think she is really my type, and I guess she figured that out. And anyway, I never considered her available because of her obvious commitment to her family. But I think I was actually more fond of her than she realized. She says she is "dealing" with it. She wants to keep her happy family, but her husband doesn't pay her any attention, and I encouraged her to be more ambitious in her life apparently.

We are both involved with running a voluntary youth project locally, so our paths cross fairly often. Now she says I should go on being myself and not let this revelation stop us from communicating, but that it will help her if I am not so friendly, not to smile at her if I can avoid it. (the Dreamer smile is too hot for her to handle apparently, lol. ) I told her I was sorry and she said not to be silly; I hadn't done anything wrong.

I can do this I suppose. I am not going to be selfish. I feel so sad for her, and sorry not to have her as a close friend any more. But I can see that she is in a vulnerable position, and I don't want to make things worse for her. I'm not sure if I can really not smile when I see her. But I wouldn't want to get in between her and her family even if she was the love of my life, and she isn't, nor could she be. But I am still frustrated. I have gone from knowing there was someone nearby who cared about me - what I thought was a safe, mild and harmless occasional flirtation - to having to keep away from her. I miss my friend. Why do I always have to be the strong one?

ColoradoRose 45F
45 posts
10/16/2009 8:22 am

 This is quite the situation, Dreamer. She is asking quite a lot of you to continue being yourself yet to change the way you are around her (i.e. not being so friendly or smiling at her). I don't think it is fair for her to expect to have it both ways, but it says a lot about you as a person and a friend that you are willing to try doing this so as to not make things hard on her.


ColoradoRose 45F
45 posts
10/16/2009 8:23 am

 p.s. that Dreamer smile can be too hot to handle


marysia4u 68F
15417 posts
10/16/2009 8:55 pm

 Will be very hard on both of you.
I'm sure there are a lot of people that care about you, just not so nearby.
Can't comment on the Dreamer smile, as it is hidden behind the book.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/19/2009 8:59 am
    Quoting  :
Oh dear. I wonder if you are thinking this way because that's what you might have been doing if you were in my place? I'm not criticizing you, how could I since I don't know you at all, so please don't take it that way. I'm just asking.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/19/2009 9:05 am
    Quoting ColoradoRose:
    This is quite the situation, Dreamer. She is asking quite a lot of you to continue being yourself yet to change the way you are around her (i.e. not being so friendly or smiling at her). I don't think it is fair for her to expect to have it both ways, but it says a lot about you as a person and a friend that you are willing to try doing this so as to not make things hard on her.
Actually Rose, now I think about it, I think it probably is fair for her to ask this. After all, I was never in love with her; it shouldn't cost me too much to try and do as she asks. She is the one who has got herself into a mess, albeit without meaning to. This must be very hard for her, she is trying to do the right thing, and if I can make things easier for her, then I should try to. For me to act any other way would be selfish even if I was in love with her.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/19/2009 9:05 am
    Quoting marysia4u:
    Will be very hard on both of you.
    I'm sure there are a lot of people that care about you, just not so nearby.
    Can't comment on the Dreamer smile, as it is hidden behind the book.
Yes that book hides a lot doesn't it, lol.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/19/2009 9:08 am
    Quoting  :
That whole moving on thing doesn't really come easily to me Sassi, as you know, lol. But in this case I think I can do my best for her.

Sending you a virtual smile.
Dreamer


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/19/2009 9:09 am
    Quoting  :
Well I think she did her best to hide it. I just picked up that something was wrong, and not realizing what was, I pushed her to tell me the truth. That part was my fault not hers.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/19/2009 9:13 am
    Quoting humboldthonni:
    real intimacy feels like love to some people....we all need connections to that and often mistake it for love....being honest is being a friend and she still needs that
Yes, I agree with that. Whether she knows the difference between intimacy and love I don't know - she can seem a bit immature sometimes. But she never actually used the word "love" and I only wrote "falling in love" for ease of understanding.

But whatever her feelings, I agree she probably still needs a friend. But I think I ought to wait for her to get her feelings in perspective before I try to offer too much friendship just in case. If she wants me as a friend some time in the future, I will still be here.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/20/2009 7:06 am
    Quoting  :
Yeah, I'm not going to even try not to smile - apart from anything else it happens without you knowing you're doing it doesn't it. As for not falling unless you have permission, I know what you mean, but I suppose you can't always control it. Anyway, I would rather be in my position than hers, and for that reason I have resolved that I will try to make it as easy for her as I can whenever we have to see each other, by not being charming or flirty, and she will have to work it out for herself as best she can.


rm_cum2kissu2 59F
10784 posts
10/20/2009 10:25 am

 Nah, I would have told you ANYTHING other than, "i'm falling in love with you."

Regardless of your feelings towards her, some things really are best left UNSAID. Now look at the position her confession has left you in. And then she asks you to carry on as normal, but not to be yourself WTF.

That's not love, THAT is bloody selfish.
What has her confession gained either of you.

I'd be giving this one a WIDE berth.
But that's just my opinion Dreamy Hun.

Sorry to be so blunt, but this really got up my nose.

Kizza


rm_cum2kissu2 59F
10784 posts
10/20/2009 11:43 am
    Quoting ColoradoRose:
    p.s. that Dreamer smile can be too hot to handle
Hello Sweet Rose
I've missed seeing you around.
I hope all is wonderful in your world Hun.
It's lovely to see you.

KissuShazzi


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
10/20/2009 12:07 pm
    Quoting rm_cum2kissu2:
    Nah, I would have told you ANYTHING other than, "i'm falling in love with you."

    Regardless of your feelings towards her, some things really are best left UNSAID. Now look at the position her confession has left you in. And then she asks you to carry on as normal, but not to be yourself WTF.

    That's not love, THAT is bloody selfish.
    What has her confession gained either of you.

    I'd be giving this one a WIDE berth.
    But that's just my opinion Dreamy Hun.

    Sorry to be so blunt, but this really got up my nose.

    Kizza
It's not her fault she told me - I insisted she tell me what was wrong, and she didn't use the word love either, I just put "falling in love" for an easy description. But she has been immature about it, yes. Still, as I am not hurt by this, I can cope, and I owe it to her to try to make it as easy for her as I can.


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