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Take Me As I Am
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Take Me As I Am Before I go any further, I am leaving aside the point that many of us try to be the best person we can. Sometimes we can learn to change our outlook and behaviour on our own, and sometimes we rely on our friends and lovers to help us see where we could improve. I�m taking that sort of change for granted. (Also I know there are lots of selfish people out there who simply don�t care, but I am not thinking about those kind of people okay? ) I am often hearing women say words to the effect of �I wish I could find a man who would love/accept me for the way I am.� It is a less common phrase amongst men, but the concept that once a woman loves you she will try to change you is equally common for us. I say us, but in fact I have been fantastically lucky, because very few women have tried to change me, and now I think about it, I think the only ones who have tried, have been women who were wishing I was in love with them, rather than women I actually had a relationship with. Maybe this isn�t luck � maybe those kind of women don�t even get out on a first date with me because�..well, why would they?! Lol. But it brings out the question, why is this such a common theme? I will admit there have been times when I have wished my lovers would behave differently. Once upon a time I might even have failed to recognize the truth that if I don�t love them the way they are, then actually, I don�t love them. But it seems such a simple concept now that I don�t understand why people ever struggle with it. My female friends are always telling me that men want them to be something other than what comes naturally. And many of them feel such pressure to please a man that they spend their lives not being themselves most of the time. On the other side of things, male friends are told, for example, they can�t play football on Sunday because they have to go to third cousin Emily�s second �s naming party or some such nightmare. The most amazing part is, the men go along with this. Let�s examine that for a moment. Annabel wants to go to the naming party. George wouldn�t dream of stopping her. But he wants to play football � he loves to. Annabel says she loves him, but she insists that she can only go to the naming party as a couple; �All the other husbands will be there, it�s a family occasion.� She claims to love him, but seeks to prevent him doing the thing he loves, and will tell her friends what a villain he is if she doesn�t get her way. If the situation was reversed, and he insisted she came to watch him play football, even his own mates would think he was a bit controlling. Meanwhile, Joanne loves to go out to watch indie bands play, but Brian likes a quiet night in with a good book and would rather she stay in with him. She isn�t trying to make him go with her, but he complains she is always out without him. He doesn�t notice that she comes back much more like the vibrant self-possessed fun person he fell in love with than she was before she left. Then student Ruth wants to go into law enforcement, but her boyfriend Daniel would rather she was a doctor or a business woman. He isn�t the type who would be threatened by her success, at least he thinks he wouldn�t, but he worries that being a Cop might not be a safe or an easy career for her. He can�t let it go, but she feels driven to that field of work, and is frustrated that he can�t �love her for who she really is.� Their relationship becomes a constant battle over her career choices. Or there is Jane, who is unhealthily over weight. Ray nags her to eat more healthily and work out. Okay Ray, we get that you care about her and want her to be healthy, but what is it about her that you love? Something about the essence of what it is to be Jane, or the fact that she is great in bed and always there for you? Because when you think about it, there is quite a lot of selfishness in that kind of love. Maybe you need to rethink your definition of Love. If you really love her, maybe you would love the fact that she isn�t great at self discipline, because that is part of who she is, and it�s part of her charm. It might kill her, but if you really love her, you wouldn�t want her to be different. (And the funny thing is, if you love her for it, she may well feel more confident, and do better at looking after herself for you anyway. ) Or maybe the person you are with smokes, or texts while they are driving, and you worry about what might happen to them. Okay, so you are going to be hurt too if they have an accident or get sick. But maybe risk taking is part of what makes them that gorgeous person you can�t get enough of. You can�t have it both ways, they are what they are; do you want them or not? If you want someone different, choose someone else. |
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but Dreemy... all i wanted you to do was change your address.. not You.  just kidding... kinda...  if we can't be who we ARE now.. they surely won't love us later... Respond to every call that excites Your Spirit ~Rumi  ..
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but Dreemy... all i wanted you to do was change your address.. not You. just kidding... kinda... if we can't be who we ARE now.. they surely won't love us later...
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Absolutely
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Quite right!
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HEY!!!!!!!!! Speak for yourself with the insanity you crazy mad woman! Actuallly I just think it means we have worked out a few things which other people miss!
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8/18/2010 10:09 am |
We ALL try to change people or wish they would change, regardless of gender, because it seems to be in our nature to find flaws in others to sometimes hide our own. I don't think it means that we love them less. Sometimes we just want them to be a little different. In our society lets face it most people don't put all that they are in the first while, we put on our best show to attract those around us, it is mating...A peacock struts around showing the best but his tail is not always up, do you think his mate sighs to herself and thinks, why doesn't he strut like he used too??? I think in the end its not about if we want to change them, its if we can accept them if they don't, regardless of our own needs and desires if at the end of the day we are still with them, then we love them. Those are my incoherent 2 cent thoughts
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We ALL try to change people or wish they would change, regardless of gender, because it seems to be in our nature to find flaws in others to sometimes hide our own. I don't think it means that we love them less. Sometimes we just want them to be a little different. In our society lets face it most people don't put all that they are in the first while, we put on our best show to attract those around us, it is mating...A peacock struts around showing the best but his tail is not always up, do you think his mate sighs to herself and thinks, why doesn't he strut like he used too??? I think in the end its not about if we want to change them, its if we can accept them if they don't, regardless of our own needs and desires if at the end of the day we are still with them, then we love them. Those are my incoherent 2 cent thoughts But I found it hard to concentrate because you just made me feel so sorry for the poor peacocks!
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It's dangerous and would be highly illegal here in England. But if someone did it, it wouldn't stop me from finding them sexy, becuase it would be part of who they are. I would worry they might cause an accident and suddenly find life had changed for ever though. But then that is me all over. I am not a fearful person, and have been adventurous at times, but I am often all too acutely aware of the possible consequences of my actions.
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