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Why Are We Here?
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Why Are We Here? A while back I was asked by a blogging friend why I joined the site and I said I would post the story some day, so here it is. In a way it was because of Sirenity. I am trying to remember how I first came across her name, but all I know is I was trawling the internet and I came across a link to a profile. I don't think I was looking for a site like Gay Hookup Zone at the time, but I may have been, I might have been looking for something other than porn to grab my sexual interest. I have always been intrigued by people who are open about sex, but although I have had plenty of girlfriends I have never really done open relationships or multiple dating, just a series of monogamous relationships really. But I remember I was in a frustrated mood. Most of you know the story of why I haven't had sex for years. I don't normally go into it openly on the blog, not because it is a secret but because I don't want to be misunderstood by the masses, and because it is a secret from people in my real life, and I want to keep it that way. Anyone who writes to me and asks gets told why, and mostly they understand my reasoning. But Sirenity really caught my attention. There was something about her face, she lived near here and she described herself as "a good girl gone bad," which I kind of liked. I wonder now if she was actually real, or whether she was one of those fake profiles used to try to lure us into spending more money? I like to think she was real. I looked at her picture often over the next few weeks and I tried to track her via the internet, and found several references to her. (I found lots of hidden back doors and pages meant to be only accessible via Gay Hookup Zone which are actually open to the internet by the way, before I ever even joined the site. If you don't know about this, try searching for your own user name and see what happens. ) But in the end I worked out that I was going to have to become a member, and by then it was clear that Sirenity - if she had ever existed, had been around some time previously, but had now disappeared. But I soon found that amongst all the odd-ball strange people, there were a lot of interesting sexy people finding their way onto this site, asking advice, sharing experiences and thoughts, and the blogs - real thoughts of real people about their sex lives really hooked me. I liked writing, I found it therapeutic to talk about things from my past which had haunted me, and get them into proper perspective, and I made friends. So I stayed. And now I feel I have come full circle. I started out blogging knowing I had a problem with my situation and my feelings, and although I do feel like I went a long way to solving the problem of the Lioness and some misplaced referred anguish I have always carried around, in some ways it is still there. But the big question, and what do I do next, is still unresolved. Here I am, four years later, still trying to work out what direction to take and I am no nearer the answers. Either choice asks me to be a person I am not, don't want to be, can not become. Prairie Girl understands this; she is always supportive, and knowing she is there keeps me from crashing off wildly too far in either direction. But her presence in my life asks a question I can never answer. I had mail from "The Blogger Who Loved me" today, one little paragraph showed that she understands me as well as she always did, almost better than I do myself, and reading it made me realize that my situation hasn't really moved on much since the day she and I first exchanged comments on the blogs. Maybe the truth is I don't really want it to? Because although I am not satisfied with how things are, I can't see an answer which would make things better. So where to now? I don't know. This isn't a new feeling for me, but I thought I would have had it sorted by now. All I know is, being here, blogging with you guys really helps. Without it, I am sure I would rush off in one direction or the other and then regret my actions. Maybe the inertia is not a good thing, but it seems to be the best answer I can find at the moment. Now if I had got involved with Sirenity - heaven knows what might have happened! |
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The reason I ended up on this site, was because my other half was on here & I wanted to see what the attraction was.  Why I ended up here on blogland, was because of you. Yours was the 1st blog I read here & it was at your suggestion, that I should start up my own blog. All I have to say is, that you were a bad influence on me!   Life isn't about how many breaths you take, but about the moments that take your breath away!    
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I am sure there are already people who joined because they saw a picture of you bubbles. And this wisdom thing......knowing how much we have to learn is probably the wisest thing we ever realize about ourselves. I've never really experiencd any craziness here. Crazy people maybe, lol, but the storms have always passed by the peaceful little island that my blog has become.
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It is an amazing place, and quite unlike what we might have expected.
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Wow - I am glad to be able to be a constant, maybe it's because of all my inertia, lol!
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That's how I feel about it mmss
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The reason I ended up on this site, was because my other half was on here & I wanted to see what the attraction was. Why I ended up here on blogland, was because of you. Yours was the 1st blog I read here & it was at your suggestion, that I should start up my own blog. All I have to say is, that you were a bad influence on me!
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