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A Lesbian Writes:
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A Lesbian Writes: A Lesbian writes: "When I hear women talk about sex, and how they use it as a tool for hooking their man, I just want to punch them. It is as if we are being taught to think of ourselves as inferior - like all we have to offer a guy is our vagina. Maybe that sounds bitter coming from a lesbian, but it is really just an observation. Heck, something I have heard my Mom sort of admit actually.... you know, during those early mother / sex talks. I also kind of fell into the trap a little myself before I came to terms with my sexuality. My view of heterosexual sex was that it was something I gave to a man as a reward. So I did it because it was what was expected of me, because it is supposed to be how we capture someone's heart. That mentality has got to change. It's rooted in inferiority; the idea that we have to use sex as a way to secure someone. I think both sexes can learn from each other. Women need to learn a little bit of the male nonchalance about sex: that sex for the sake of sex is okay - act a little on your urge and don't be afraid of a label." I want to add a little to this. I think there are two other places where this mentality comes from. Firstly, there are plenty of men, more than will be prepared to admit it, who, like me, tend to fall in love with a woman who really understands them sexually. It just gets into your bones; it makes you want everything about them. So you can easily get emotionally hooked on someone who wouldn't otherwise make a great life partner just because you have good sex with them. Couple that with the risk of pregnancy in the times before there was easy and reliable contraception. It used to really make sense, particularly for a woman, to have sex only with someone who loved you, and that idea was so deep-seated that it was passed down from parents to , and continues to be, long after at least part of the danger has been significantly reduced. The problem is that a some women, and strangely, especially mature women, seem to be their own worst enemies when it comes to hunting men in this way. (I admit, men are not unknown to do what I am about to talk about, and I know that up to a point I am unfairly generalizing. ) But I have several forty-something female friends who really do think that all it will take for them to be happy is to find the right man. This attitude is not just unrealistic. It's counter productive because it is obvious to the men they date. And not just like they will be the drug which makes everything else seem not to matter for a while. To these men it appears that they are wanted for no other reason than that they are male and might be coerced into a long term relationship which will somehow magically transform the woman's whole attitude to life. Even if what those men want actually is a long term relationship, they are not likely to respond well to this. Men, generalizing, may be naturally more willing to shag anything that wants them, but they still want to be chosen – to be wanted for something intrinsically special about themselves, not just because they just happen to be male. Approached like that, they feel just like the women who complain about pick up bars being like meat markets. The Lesbian continues: "I think being a romantic is gender neutral. But, society says a man is not supposed to be romantic when it comes to sex. Men are supposed to be conquerors of the fairer sex, emotion is NOT supposed to be part of the equation. So, I do NOT find it surprising that, even over a one off fling, a man would find sex more fulfilling with some kind of spiritual connection. Part of the pleasure is the emotional connection, the "orgasm" only finalizes it, it does NOT define it! And Men need to learn that sex can be even greater if the effort is given to that spiritual and emotional connection." I wouldn't argue with that. But I would say that it is interesting that my lesbian friend thinks society doesn't expect men to be romantic. Because when I was younger, we were pretty much taught that we needed to be if we wanted to get women into bed. It seems to me that these days sex has begun to be seen far more as an equal desire between two people who want each other, rather than some kind of bargain. And yet my friend, who is much younger than me, still says she was taught to think of sex as something she could give as a reward. Maybe this idea varies from culture to culture, or maybe, we have shrumk away from the brink of equality, and are heading back to a less enlightened misunderstanding of each others motives? |
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Oh, if you haven't already, you should read the post by Travelguyoh - TGIFa friday thought ... it relates to what you write about. Ms Lesbian's thoughts are interesting to me. I never had a mother/daughter talk about sex - for which I'm eternally thankful! lol =) She briefly told me to stay away from boys when i hit puberty - "because you're a woman now" and it made absolutely no sense to me. Especially since, being not quite 12 yrs old, i neither looked like a woman nor felt like one. I simply decided i'd never ever be a woman, because i liked boys. I resented my body for not backing up my decisions. Men, ..... still want to be chosen – to be wanted for something intrinsically special about themselves, not just because they just happen to be male. it seems to me, in the end, there's not so much that's different between men and women, as women want to be chosen for the same reason! i wonder if it's because... that's the one major thing that will truly make a relationship last? Knowing what sets your partner apart from all others? If you know the uniqueness of a person, and you've chosen them because of it, is it possible for anything to tear you apart? Wouldn't you always remember... why that person is special to you... and be able to overcome anything together? idk. maybe i'm dreaming. lol =) --Author Unknown
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There is much I want to say to this post, but I am not wrapping my head around what I want to say as I find issue with both points of view. I will be back as soon as I can get my brain to formulate a real response. Killer post though. Makes people thing! If I have stopped by your blog, please be sure to sign my permission slip Pimp Me, Pimp My Blog, But Let Me Do The Same With You  
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There is much I want to say to this post, but I am not wrapping my head around what I want to say as I find issue with both points of view. I will be back as soon as I can get my brain to formulate a real response. Killer post though. Makes people thing!
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"His understanding of my body was intoxicating and addictive." OH I know what you mean. When that comes with someone who understands your mind as well and it still doesn't last you really are in trouble, lol. But that's a different issue! Still, always worth it. Glad you found the post interesting and thanks for your comments.
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Oh, if you haven't already, you should read the post by Travelguyoh - TGIFa friday thought ... it relates to what you write about. Ms Lesbian's thoughts are interesting to me. I never had a mother/daughter talk about sex - for which I'm eternally thankful! lol =) She briefly told me to stay away from boys when i hit puberty - "because you're a woman now" and it made absolutely no sense to me. Especially since, being not quite 12 yrs old, i neither looked like a woman nor felt like one. I simply decided i'd never ever be a woman, because i liked boys. I resented my body for not backing up my decisions. Men, ..... still want to be chosen – to be wanted for something intrinsically special about themselves, not just because they just happen to be male. it seems to me, in the end, there's not so much that's different between men and women, as women want to be chosen for the same reason! i wonder if it's because... that's the one major thing that will truly make a relationship last? Knowing what sets your partner apart from all others? If you know the uniqueness of a person, and you've chosen them because of it, is it possible for anything to tear you apart? Wouldn't you always remember... why that person is special to you... and be able to overcome anything together? idk. maybe i'm dreaming. lol =) in the end, there's not so much that's different between men and women," I agree with that violette
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I reckon relationships are relationships whoever you are. These lesbians know a thing or two you know!
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Hmm.... interesting.... do you really mean that?  I just watched a short interview (horrible interviewer) - asking a Religion professor, who happens to be a muslim, why he would write a book about Jesus... she seemed to think that anything he said would be biased, and the whole time he was simply trying to get across that it was a historical perspective kind of book, not a faith based kind of book. --Author Unknown
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I think parents make a great mistake by not finding a way to talk to their kids about sex. We are going to want to learn anyway, and once you feel you can't talk to your parents about something, the ways to learn become so much harder. Okay, I wouldn't have wanted my mum to tell me how to lick a clitoris, but all that "be careful with girls" stuff put a lot of confused messages in my head. in the end, there's not so much that's different between men and women," I agree with that violette But, definitely, ambiguous statements like 'be careful with girls' does more harm than good. My son (he's 14) comes to me with random questions, and i have no idea what triggers these thoughts in him. One day, he asked me who is responsible for taking care of a child who is born with or gets disabilities. I told him, the two people responsible for creating the child are responsible. He asked - why the child can't just be put in a place where he can be taken care of. I told him, it maybe necessary to leave the child in the care of others, however, it's wrong to assume that others will be the primary care-provider for your child while you go off enjoying your life and forgetting the child. He seemed to think that made sense, because he sauntered off muttering - "i guess i better not have a child till i'm ready to take care of one." and altho i had no idea where our conversation was going, i'm glad he learned something i wanted him to learn. lol =) i'm still waiting for such accidental moments with my daughter. --Author Unknown
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Hmm.... interesting.... do you really mean that? I just watched a short interview (horrible interviewer) - asking a Religion professor, who happens to be a muslim, why he would write a book about Jesus... she seemed to think that anything he said would be biased, and the whole time he was simply trying to get across that it was a historical perspective kind of book, not a faith based kind of book.
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Oh they could get us hard alright, if they put their minds to it. Sadly, only a few special ones want to. (Bi-curious lesbians, what a great concept, lol. )
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To be honest, i don't know how to talk to my kids about it. Maybe it's because i feel like the Relationship part of the equation is more important than the physical expression of it? I don't want them to have sex with the wrong person, mistake it for love, and end up in a relationship like mine. But, definitely, ambiguous statements like 'be careful with girls' does more harm than good. My son (he's 14) comes to me with random questions, and i have no idea what triggers these thoughts in him. One day, he asked me who is responsible for taking care of a child who is born with or gets disabilities. I told him, the two people responsible for creating the child are responsible. He asked - why the child can't just be put in a place where he can be taken care of. I told him, it maybe necessary to leave the child in the care of others, however, it's wrong to assume that others will be the primary care-provider for your child while you go off enjoying your life and forgetting the child. He seemed to think that made sense, because he sauntered off muttering - "i guess i better not have a child till i'm ready to take care of one." and altho i had no idea where our conversation was going, i'm glad he learned something i wanted him to learn. lol =) i'm still waiting for such accidental moments with my daughter.
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I can't speak for all men but speaking for myself i hate the idea of just being something available with a pulse and a dick, that's a hook up not a relationship. I might look at an attractive woman and think "Wow, i'd love to have sex with her" but i'd never assume that sex is all she has to offer unless she herself makes me think so. Sex is a primal urge but it is satisfied very quickly and easily, once satisfied if there is nothing else on offer to keep me interested then i'm not going to stay interested. Withholding sex as a means to coerce a man into a relationship is very risky ladies, a guy can go off you very quickly when you start playing those games, but he'll probably still want to fuck you and will play along until he's had the sex and can walk away with head held high. We're not puppies to be house trained, if you rub our noses in it don't be surprised if we lose interest in you as a person.
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I can't speak for all men but speaking for myself i hate the idea of just being something available with a pulse and a dick, that's a hook up not a relationship. I might look at an attractive woman and think "Wow, i'd love to have sex with her" but i'd never assume that sex is all she has to offer unless she herself makes me think so. Sex is a primal urge but it is satisfied very quickly and easily, once satisfied if there is nothing else on offer to keep me interested then i'm not going to stay interested. Withholding sex as a means to coerce a man into a relationship is very risky ladies, a guy can go off you very quickly when you start playing those games, but he'll probably still want to fuck you and will play along until he's had the sex and can walk away with head held high. We're not puppies to be house trained, if you rub our noses in it don't be surprised if we lose interest in you as a person.    I have to say I'm surprised that, in this day and age, young girls growing up are still focusing on the male's pleasure. My son told me about a game called The Rainbow Game" that's played here in high school and even junior high. The game has many different girls giving guys blow jobs and then leaving a lipstick ring around his dick. I wonder if we'll ever get to the point where we have anonymous guys performing oral sex on women in parked cars and leaving without anything for their own pleasure? I have never thought of sex as a reward; for me, it is a way of communicating. That's why I want far more sex when I am in a relationship than I do when I am single. Elevate me... 
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Wow, Dreamer, who's the gorgeous new guy? I have to say I'm surprised that, in this day and age, young girls growing up are still focusing on the male's pleasure. My son told me about a game called The Rainbow Game" that's played here in high school and even junior high. The game has many different girls giving guys blow jobs and then leaving a lipstick ring around his dick. I wonder if we'll ever get to the point where we have anonymous guys performing oral sex on women in parked cars and leaving without anything for their own pleasure? I have never thought of sex as a reward; for me, it is a way of communicating. That's why I want far more sex when I am in a relationship than I do when I am single. Meanwhile, yes, I have vaguely heard about that game. I haven't been able to find the high school where they play it though. But I agree, it is more a communication really. However, each to their own, and I believe we have already reached the point you wonder about: I have a female friend who is involved with a community who practice a thing called "Orgasmic Meditation," in which part of the process is that men give pleasure to women without receiving any return stimulation themselves. There seems to be no lack of men willing to get involved.
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