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Starbucks Lovers?
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Starbucks Lovers? Starbucks Lovers? In my own kind of romantic wistful dreamer way of idealising unconventional love affairs, second chances and lost opportunities, I love the idea of Starbucks Lovers. The rest of the world doesn’t know what a Starbucks Lover is yet of course. But in the same way as even when you’ve never heard the expression before, you immediately understand “Champagne Socialist,” “Lipstick Lesbian,” “Shabby Chic,” etc, I think you will have an idea of where I am heading with this. Because I think most of us have been Starbucks Lovers at one time or another in our lives. Maybe you even have one or two here on this site. I remember when I was sixteen or seventeen I used to hang out all summer with a girl in my village when I was home from school. We hung out at a tea shop in Henley called The Copper Kettle, because there was no Starbucks or Café Nero back then, but it’s the same thing. She talked to me about boys, I talked about my then relationship with the one I call Lizzy. We laughed, we had deep conversations about what life meant to us, how we both lost our virginity, what we thought was funny – all intimate stuff, but we never once talked about the fact that we fancied the hell out of each other. With her I was lucky – she went to university in Durham a couple of years later and I hitch-hiked all the way up the M1 at dangerously high speed with a mad guy in a trailerless lorry cab to visit her. We went out somewhere, I forget where, but I remember when we got back it was cold and there was nowhere for me to sleep in her student lodgings, but we ended up sleeping together in front of an open fire in the sitting room. As we were both single at the time it seemed the natural thing to do, and afterwards we carried on being friends as always. The innocence of youth I suppose. But I am digressing. A Starbucks Lover is the person you are in love with but neither of you ever quite admits to the affair you are not having. Someone with whom either there is no sexual attraction, or more usually, someone with whom you decide to completely ignore that aspect of the relationship’s potential. Maybe a work colleague or a local friend…….a friend’s partner perhaps. You meet regularly, either by design, or through circumstances, perhaps at the gym or a book group, or alone together to discuss some common interest, for a drink, or at Starbucks.* There is probably a reason you can’t take things further – social or work rules dictate; one or both of you are in a relationship; other priorities prevent you from spending more time together. Otherwise eventually something would happen. (For example Monica and Chandler in Friends. Or for younger audiences, Barney and Robin in How I Met Your Mother. ) And there may be ideally matched couples all around the world who by virtue of fear of rejection or lack of communication or whatever, never manage to get it together and remain Starbucks Lovers for life. I find that a little sad. But this is not your typical forbidden fruit, admired-from-afar, unresolved lust situation. True Starbucks Lovers have something rare and special. They know what is going on and decide to go with it but without letting it become more than a close friendship. They know that they adore each other’s company. Maybe they share interests in a subject their regular life partners don’t quite get. Maybe they just feel comfortable, more themselves when they are together. They have that kind of instinctive understanding of each other which is so compelling - they “get” each other. Or maybe they are from different worlds altogether - almost as if it is the lack of understanding between them which is so intriguing. But they avoid ever letting each other know too openly how much they have feelings for each other. Perhaps they avoid allowing those feelings to germinate and grow. A difficult skill. They know that if anything started it probably wouldn’t end well, to coin Gothic Girl’s phrase. Thinking about it I suppose she treats me as a Starbucks Lover in a way, although we did talk about the affair we were never having. If you can manage to keep a perspective on these relationships they can be very rewarding. But it can be a dangerous toy to play with. I suppose I thought the Lioness and I could be Starbucks Lovers, but our relationship took charge of us in a way neither of us had foreseen or could possibly control and it totally changed my life - the jury is still out on whether in a good way or a bad way. So Starbucks Lovers beware…..be careful what you wish for. Of course some people find they have rolled the whole Starbucks Lover experience into their regular life relationship and I think they are the kind of couples who just seem to be permanently in love, and what lucky souls they are. (In researching this post I discovered that apparently even Taylor Swift’s own mom heard the lyric as “All the lonely Starbucks Lovers.” When in fact, as I am sure you all know, it is really “Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I am crazy.” Thank you Taylor, for accidentally putting a name to this interesting phenomenon. ) *Other coffee shops are available. |
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I have had two cups of their joe.I guess there is some magic to the notion that starbucks at least lets the coffee farmers in Ethiopia have a little something to eat in exchange for their billion dollar harvest! Using more than all the road!
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I have had two cups of their joe.I guess there is some magic to the notion that starbucks at least lets the coffee farmers in Ethiopia have a little something to eat in exchange for their billion dollar harvest!
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Well as you might have guessed you and E were amongst the people I had in mind when I said some couples are lucky enough to get the whole experience into their regular relationship. But like you, I also have some really great non sexual friendships with women, as well as sometimes being attracted to women I am only friends with, but do not consider wanting anything more than friendship with them. So yes, these things can sound confusing, but are also completely understandable! By the way, I know many people have strong views about some large companies and how their goods may be sourced, and it may well be that sometimes their views are well founded and should be shouted out loud. But as I mentioned to s2ndegree, this post wasn't about Starbucks the coffee shop.
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Interesting idea. Well, I think if you are friends and/or acquaintances over a long period, you get to see each other grow. You can share some of that experience. You can share in successes or you can commiserate failures. You are probably familiar with Nicholas Sparks and his romance stories... He probably has a few Starbucks lovers themes. It just is a love affair that makes sense... I have some male friends that I hold at arm's length. I think if we ever become intimate it will ruin the friendship. I have seen that happen to other folks. But I probably have lost on some happiness. They have gone on to have relationships whereas I have floundered in my infatuations. LOL Oh well, thanks for the thought provoking post.  Yes, it can be one of life's most difficult decisions whether becoming more intimate would ruin a friendship or create something wonderful. I tend to think that if the question of whether it would ruin the friendship even enters my head, then it is probably a bad idea. I think if I really want someone enough, that question doesn't usually come to mind!
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