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Thoughts of a Former Lover
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Thoughts of a Former Lover I know some people think I tend to live too much in the past, but it isn't true really. I am happy as I am, I don't have too many ghosts any more. But that doesn't mean I want to forget. I couldn't anyway, that much is true about me. In the end I never seem to regret having been close to someone, however it ends up. I love the happy memories, although I will admit they are occasionally a bit wistful. Aerosmith were responsible today, as they have been before and probably will be again. Their song reminds me of when, despite being separated by distance, I was in love enough to stay awake just to hear her breathing. She used to say that just the sound of my voice made her feel like everything was alright in the world. Even though I hear from her now and then, I realise that there are lots of things going on for her which I don't get to hear about. Maybe she just doesn't have the time to be constantly in touch with someone who isn't such a big factor in her life anymore. Maybe she doesn't deal with the memories as easily as me. My role in keeping her happy has diminished, I pretty much understand why, probably she thinks it is partly for my own good, and I'm not sure I would want things to be all that different. Now. It's funny that when we first got to know each other, it was partly because she really seemed to understand emotions I was carrying inside, coming from a time way back in my life when another former lover had left me feeling like nothing would ever be the same again. It was partly her understanding of how that had changed me, and the man I had become, that brought us to the closeness we shared. And that, in turn helped put the old, lingering pain into it's own new box marked "fond memories." Now she is in one of those boxes herself too. I miss her though, and I don't want to miss a thing. |
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Thanks E. I'd better not start on the subject of the music, otherwise I will be on here all night! But yes.
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Am I lucky or unlucky that I don't miss my past loves?
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Yes, it's a feeling rather like feeling sad, but not the same painful way, and it does leave you with a smile.
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Am I lucky or unlucky that I don't miss my past loves?
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Very sweet...I wonder if anyone remembers me with such fondness... (I have a hard time staying away from your blog!)
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Very sweet...I wonder if anyone remembers me with such fondness... (I have a hard time staying away from your blog!) I was watching a silly film the other day and a line of dialogue stuck me when someone said "there is always someone out there who thinks you are special, even if you don't know it." And I think that is probably true. A friend once told me how a conversation he and I had had years ago virtually kept him sane - I had had no idea how important that simple exchange was to him at the time. Other people have said "you have no idea how much you helped my son and my family" after I have coached their kids at sport. Those people have an opportunity to let you know the impact you have had on their lives. Former lovers usually don't! But I am sure, once time has blurred over the memories of what went wrong, they remember what went right. You just can't know about it.
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She felt like my soul mate at the time, but something must have been wrong, even if it was just the timing, because it ended. But we shared a lot of thoughts, and now I do only have fond memories of her. She's doing okay in her life I think, and so am I. And if she's happy, I'm happy.
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