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Blogs > subbietess > maso-nymph

Crushed doesn't even come close  

subbietess 57F
16 posts
8/26/2009 6:14 pm

Last Read:
8/27/2009 10:46 pm
Crushed doesn't even come close

Does doing monstrous things make Him a monster? NO! Aug 25, 2009 11:30 pm
Mood: crushed, 14 Views
He doesn't ask much of me, a clean room in which to play. As much as i would like to make excuses, He is right, i should have cleaned it. It doesn't matter that i spend an hour cleaning it, come home from work at 1030, and find it a mess again. He said he might be coming over this morning and i should have done what he asked. My husband's desire to have other rooms tidied, laundry caught up and my Mary Kay inventory transferred to another area, should not have been my first priority. i am a slave, i am His slave, and the half-assed job i did 15 minutes before His arrival was substandard, unacceptable and disrespectful. In the 4 months we have been playing, it has been His only request. i failed, and He punished me for it; brutally, severely and memorably. at first, i hated him for hurting me so much and felt the brutality was undeserved. when i could move again, i realized that nothing less would have brought the message home so powerfully. yes, Sir, you got your point across, loud and clear. Loud as my screams, clear as the welts you left on my skin. I have never in my 8 years as a masochist, been beaten like this. All i can say is 'thank you'. The worst punishment he could have imposed would be to turn around and walk back out without touching me. He has given me another chance, and will forgive me when he sees that i have done that one thing he has asked of me.

He asked if i was having second thoughts and i said not anymore. Then i asked if he would have walked away if i was and he said yes. i should have stopped there but i had to know why and he said i was replaceable. i want to mean something to the person i am devoted to, and i thought i did. after 4 months of growing, learning, serving and pleasing, i still mean no more to him than i did on day one. a replaceable object that he has casually discarded without a look back.

having been through this before does not make it any easier. i feel broken and i can't breathe, or eat, or sleep or function.

subbietess 57F
3 posts
8/27/2009 6:07 pm

 Thank you for your opinion, Xnedra, I appreciate hearing from those I respect.


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