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| Blogs > gottaring > Out of the Mouth of a Babe... |
Fake it Till You Make it?
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Fake it Till You Make it? Every now and then I receive an email from a brave and ambitious fellow who manages to pique my curiosity through a carefully-crafted message espousing my beauty, intelligence and wit. Translation: He said I was pretty, so naturally I had to read the rest of the message, lol. thedudetk asked the following question in the hopes of sparking a conversation, but I figured I'd milk a post out of it just to break up the day. This excerpt was copied directly from the message I received and is being posted with his permission. I invite you to offer your two cents as well: "...should women just submit themselves to sex in relationships rather than actually aquiring/ cultivating a natural hunger for it? although i hate the idea, It Does seem very considerate for a woman to " Just give it up " even though she doesn't want it," TK, you're going to need to back up a little. A little more... A few more steps... Ok, you're out of firing range now. I'm just trying to protect you, Young Fella. The majority of my Wise Readers are smart enough to understand that you are not suggesting that women succumb to unwanted advances in order to 'be considerate'. They know that, if you DID intend to say such a thing, you must have been smacked in the face with a bag of nickels at birth and therefore might not be held responsible for offering up such a notion. There are, however, a few ornery souls in the Holding Cell who might take your words at face value, in which case I'd advise that you duck and run. FAST. What I think you meant to ask is whether or not a woman might 'take one for the team' even though she's not in the mood. Or perhaps sex is just not something she enjoys, but maybe she'll 'give in' because it makes her man happy. The term 'submit' might suggest that she would be doing so against her will, but again, I'm assuming that was just an error in semantics. And since you presented me with this query in the hopes of eliciting my opinion on the matter, allow me to offer this: I've had sex against my will, and I have had sex when I didn't feel like it. They are two completely different things- the most notable distinction is that one of them involved the commission of a felony. Yes, I am a sexual woman. I LOVE sex, but that doesn't mean I'm always in the mood for it. Yes, I have chosen to have sex even though I'd rather be reading, sleeping or cleaning hair out of the shower drain, but I did so because my partners happiness meant more to me in that particular moment. Or it might have been because I knew it was the only way he'd turn off the Barry White and stop poking me in the breast while whispering, 'Wanna?'. Either way, it was a conscious decision made on my part. Now you'll ask me, 'Gee, Gottaring! Think your partner has ever given it up even though he wasn't in the mood?' To which I'll answer, 'Were you in St. Louis this weekend too?' If you don't get that reference, don't worry- there's only one person on this site who will, lol..  Look, Young Padawan, no one should have sex if they don't want to just because they think it might eventually make them love it. Ask my six year old how well that works when it comes to broccoli. Some people are born with a passion for passion, others acquire it after they finally find a compatible partner. Does this mean one should indulge in many, many partners until they find the right one? Uh, no comment. But most great lovers are cultivated through a combination of self-awareness, a sense of adventure and a SAFE ENVIRONMENT in which to experiment and indulge. If your woman doesn't seem to really enjoy sex, give her a vibrator, a porno and a padded room. Then back away slowly. Meanwhile, find yourself an older broad who knows how it's done  . Line forms to the left...no skips.Any more questions? Didn't think so.  When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load... |
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GOOD
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12/7/2012 7:59 am |
If he was out of firing range, you need a bigger gun....
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12/5/2012 7:31 pm |
This is a good post G. Makes people think and some react.  All I can say is been there done that. Now, if I want to I do if I don't I won't. If I can help it, I don't want to settle ever again. 
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I must say I understand the young man...and his assessment of your beauty is, if nothing else, modest. There are few women on here who actually have the looks and the where with all to be considered intricate...and you my sweet are indeed an Intricate Woman. But more to his question. I agree that women have in the past had sex just to "get it over with", but like you, I find that just WRONG! I find that there is no greater turn off than to have a woman sigh and say, "Oh just go ahead..." Yuck!! I'm right there with you cleaning out the shower drain when that happens. It is next to abhorent for me. No, I would rather not do anything if that's the case...what I would rather do is cultivate a relationship which shows my passion and feeling for a woman. Truly to me, sex is a prize worth sharing and making uniquely yours ("yours" being two people sharing the same goal, ie. each other's pleasure...) I try not to get into situations where the question of the young man comes into play. I admit I have "given" sexual pleasure when I didn't feel like it, or wasn't in the mood...I have even been semi-forced into it, which I imagine you find odd for a man, but nevertheless has happened. I would hate to think I have caused the same and can honestly say I have never "forced" a woman against her will. No sex is something fairly sacred to me...something that sharing with another is not only heavenly but also quite a blessed event.
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I want my partner's sex drive and sexual desire to match mine. Nothing sucks quite like having sex with someone who is disinterested. I would rather masturbate than go through the motions. [post 3097853] Come join the half-nekkid fun! Check out HNW Bloggers.  
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1 post 12/5/2012 6:10 am |
wait a minute, you mean poking your boob whispering "wanna?" with Barry White on doesnt make you weak at the knees???? The young gun who posted this I think was really just kind of mulling the concept of a "going through the motions" sexual relationship. Sadly all to many couples experience this in one form or another. I know women who get more satistaction from their toys than the man who "humps" her as well as men who have made the sex doll industry as profitable as it is. But I digress, I think his choice of the word "considerate" kind of twisted his intent. Id like to think he really meant to write... "culivating and building a hunger for passionate wanton sex is so freaking awesome, god I love bulding that anticipation of the hot liqiud passion that is coming!!!(or is it cumming) But, every once in a while I may just have to poke your boob while you are cleaning the drain and it would be really cool if you would just fuck me"
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12/4/2012 11:00 pm |
You are truly a master at creating diplomatic responses! Bravo! But what I am utterly amazed at is that you somehow combined broccoli and sex in a single blog and made it work! I am in awe of your greatness oh goddess of the words! 
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That sort of notion is what makes for great arranged marriages. Want a goat with that shake, baby? Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
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I promise to wait till you're in the mood darling! Thoughts from the Garden...
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no means no, to him and to me "To Be Consumed" Blog : I want to be your drug of painful withdrawals.
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Personally I would rather a woman told me no, not tonight if she wasn't feeling it. Sex should be fun for both of us.
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Youth is completely wasted on the young. 
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I could be wrong, and maybe misread it, or perhaps the context, but just "giving it up" even when she doesn't want to doesn't seem to be forced. As you say, making someone do it against their will is a crime, as it should be. I don't get that he was suggesting that. I admit, I didn't get the St. Louis reference either. Perhaps a movie I haven't seen? But again, maybe there's more context there that I missed, but I get the comments as a bit clumsy, but not malicious, or even implying anything. I was in a marriage for 12 plus years with someone who, at the time, seemed to hate sex. She seemed to enjoy it when it was done, but hated doing it otherwise. Considering we had sex about twice a month, and it appeared she would have preferred 2 times per never, I suspect she compromised. Never forced. When I completed my divorce, maybe I was naive, but I thought that perhaps most women in their 30s had little to no desire for sex. I was happily shocked to find that I was wrong about it. If I missed something, my apologies, but I don't see the issue.
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the things you have to put up with sometimes. i feel for you and think you handled this one well. your patience is legendary right now.
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And the Buzzsaw powers up and goes to work! BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ "You've seen my descent, Now watch my rising!" - Rumi Some women are lost in the fire. Some women are forged from it - Michele K.
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I personally would never want a woman to have sex with me when she wasn't in the mood. The joy in sex for me is creating pleasure and the thought of having a partner just go through the motions has no appeal. The boy needs to elevate his game. A skilled, attentive lover rarely needs to worry about his partner being in the mood.
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Well shit. There goes every email I have ever sent and every idea i have ever had. I will never met a woman from Gay Hookup Zone. DAMNIT!!!! I kid. I would beg more and self deprecate Passion is not a part of life. It's the meaning of life.
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I guess I'm not that cool, because I don't get the St. Louis reference. But that's ok, I don't think I've been cool since before grade 9, so no loss. As for the whole question of sex when you don't really wanna, that has so many derivatives, it isn't funny. Excluding the felony angle entirely, there is that whole wifely duty concept that comes into play. Given my situation where I travel and often only see the wife every other week or so, I often wonder if there is that desire or is it just wifely duty expectations on the part of my wife. Unfortunately, I think it is the case a number of times, when the interaction is less than enthusiastic. But then, how would I feel if she just said no, not tonight after me being away for a longer period. The psychology of having sex is just so damn complex sometimes, there never is an easy answer.
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Good one This is not meant to offend any one in any way.     
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