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Nervous? Take The Chance!
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Nervous? Take The Chance! I was replying to another blog. This was my reply. I thought it was good enough to stand alone as sit's own post, so here it is: On the subject of being nervous the first time, one of the most profound events in my life was so full of nervousness an tension and is burned in my memories and psyche forever. It was the first time I really went out in public dresses as a woman. Long before I transitioned. But I did go to a nice restaurant on Fisherman's Warf in San Francisco. I was nervous for a lot of reasons. I was in the Army, I was married, I was out in public ALONE, with no support, nothing to hide behind, completely exposed and convinces that everyone saw through me. I was unsure of myself and how I looked and acted and presented. And while I ate my dinner along I was nervous and thinking that everyone was staring at me. They weren't. I sat there with tears brimming in my eyes, tears of nervousness and fear and anxiety. And the sun began to set right there through those Golden Arches of the Bridge to the west, out over the ocean, that oh so bright and colorful display of oranges and yellows and red slowly sinking into the west. And I watched it in apt awe and the nervousness left me some and was replaced by the beauty of the moment. I did not stop crying. I still cried. I cried for the step I just took that I knew would forever alter my life and that of some of the people I loved. But I also knew by then that I had to be me. Right then, right there, I was finally free! Free of the lies of hiding of so many things but I was free, even if only for a time, and those tears turned from ones of fear and angst to joy and appreciation. I was nervous. I would continue to be nervous sometimes. I still am. But that nervousness can be turned into something wonderful, apprehension can become elation in a heartbeat. All you have to do is to take that one step, that one chance, and there it is. Take the chance. |
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Thanks nicelips. The nervousness had a lot to do with being in the Army, Don't Ask, Don't Tell and all, and being married. Getting busted would have meant discharge (unemployment) and relates life issues, not to mention not being able to find a way to tell my wife. She deserved better. we are no longer married, but still friends. So there were a lot of pressures and things that could have been very negative if something had gone wrong. As it was I did retire from the Army and have a pension, otherwise I know I would have been on the streets sucking cocks for food, or a place to stay that night. I have and had a lot of marketable skills and abilities, but between the economy and other issues after I did retire, getting a job was next to impossible. And keeping one was not easy either. Or at lest keeping one that paid enough to not be either legalized slavery or worse. I should have been able to get a job with a salary in the range of 30-90K /year with my skill sets and such. But after transition, nobody wanted to do that, well except the SF PD. And after a few run ins with some of them I discovered that they were at that time not the organization I wanted to work for anyway.
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that first step is always the hardest but after that its heaven
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You are all very brave, slowly but surely times are finally changing but it will still take generations to accept everyone. science has proved many things and one is some of us are just born this way, we are safe, harmless and good people. There are straight, bi, trans gender and who knows out there seeking acceptance and our freedom. I am bi and enjoy both and all sexes, after 20 years of a loveless marriage we went our ways, she could not accept my ways. I would be very happy and proud to have you all as my friends. DON
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I feel much the same way. And just as important, if I am not your cup of tea, simply move on, no need to get upset, start saying ignorant things or quoting bible looking for some bullshit excuse to hate someone, just move the fuck along and go with my blessing, and or, don't let the door hit you in the ass, head or whatever else you decide to try to stick into my business.
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