The Ranch
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Posted:Oct 18, 2007 2:48 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 7:30 am
1234 Views
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A successful rancher died and left everything to his
devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch,
but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an
ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the
other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one
else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring
it would be safer to have him around the house than
the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours
every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the
two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very
well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done
a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You
should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on
Saturday night.
He returned around 2:30 a.m., and upon entering the
room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the
fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked,
ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He removed each
gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned
it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands did
as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever
wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"
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Slim Fast
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Posted:Oct 18, 2007 2:34 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 7:30 am
1179 Views
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One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife
"Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt."
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't
let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
"What the heck is this??" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"Honey," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder
in my underwear?"
She replied with a snicker...
It's not talcum powder......
It's 'Miracle Grow'."
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A Woman Scorned
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Posted:Oct 18, 2007 2:31 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 7:30 am
1189 Views
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While looking for a used car, a man spots an ad that says, "Top of the line Mercedes-Benz, all available options, three months old, less than 500 miles, $50". The man calls the number to tell the seller about the mistake in the ad, but the woman says there is no mistake. The man arrives at the address to find the car exactly as advertised. He hands the woman the money, she signs the title and he drives away. After three nights of no sleep, the man returns to the address and tells the woman," I can't take advantage of you like this. That car is worth way more than $50." The woman said, "I know, but a month ago my 45 year old husband moved to Paris with his 19 year old secretary. Last week he sent me a post card telling me to sell his car and send him the money".
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Our Night Has Just Begun
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Posted:Oct 17, 2007 5:36 pm
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2007 5:11 pm
1387 Views
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Our night has just begun. A little massage oil, candlelight, soft music, moon shining through the window, maybe a little wine, a bear skin rug, and a small fire in the fireplace
In a cabin somewhere of the beaten path
A gentle soft touch of my hand brushing your hair back, as I kiss your soft lips.
My hand gently caresses the back of your neck as I shower you with kisses and nibble at your neck and ear.
We lay side by side soon your lips are on my neck as mine are on you, our hands roaming and caressing each other with soft, gentle strokes. At this point we are on the blanket our bodies start to feel the intense pleasure build as we explore each other’s bodies. I slowly unbutton your blouse, to find that your naked breasts, your nipples are starting to harden. You moan and coo softly as I massage your erect nipples. My mouth trails down from your neck and nibble at the soft supple skin of your breasts.
Your fingers entangle themselves in my hair and pull me tighter to your breasts. Your hands released their grip on my hair and move under my shirt and fondle my chest and twirl the hairs on my chest. This excites me and I begin to suck your nipples further into my mouth.
I start my descent down your lovely body, taking time to kiss and nibble at every inch of your body. Soon I find myself nestled between your sexy thighs. I gently and briefly kiss your sweet lips, but just for a moment. I move further down and lick and nibble at your inner thighs. Massaging and kissing every part working my way down your beautiful legs, making sure not to miss a spot
I continue on to massage and kiss your feet, you twitch as my fingers work their magic and massage the daily stress from your feet and toes. You reach down and tug at my hair pulling me up to where I begin to kiss your sweet wet pussy
My tongue gently spreads your lips and searches for your sweet love button. It doesn't take long for me to find the treasure that I was seeking. I swirl my tongue around it and suck it into my mouth. Nibbling and caressing it with my tongue causes you to shake and shudder in exctasy. You begin to writhe about on the floor under the pleasure of my tongue
Soon the orgasmic waves rock your body. In moment of passion you push me off of you and begin kissing the insides of my thighs, you whisper, "It's my turn!" One hand reaches up to massage my chest as the other grabs my cock and slowly begins to stroke it. Your nose brushes the underside of my dick as you kiss and nibble at my balls and inner thighs. Soon you kiss and nibble your way up the length of my hardening cock. Your tongue works its magic causing my cock to twitch with each stroke of your tongue.
I reach down and massage your nipples as they hang above my thighs. Your mouth bobs up and down taking me in and releasing me to tease the tip with a flick of your tongue. I roll your nipples between my finger tips, and your body begins to sway above me as I alternate the rolls, right to left, forwards and back
You feel the swelling in my cock grow. Swiftly you move up and mount my cock taking me deep inside.
Slowly you gyrate your hips working my cock deep inside, I grab your hips and assist your strokes up and down sometimes holding you down hard on my cock. You lean forward to press your lovely tits hard against my chest, your ass still rises and falls on my cock, slow and soft then hard and fast, your body begins to glisten with sweet sweat from all of the grinding we have done.
After several minutes I hold you tight and roll you over and sit up between your legs my cock still buried deep in your wet snatch. Slowly my hips move back and forth, my cock disappearing deep into you. Occasionally I pull my cock out and tease you with the tip, before burying it back into your sweet pussy.
I pull your legs up and place them on my shoulders and lean in to you driving my cock harder and deeper than before. Your head rocks from side to side as the pleasure courses through your body. I pound and pound, as your screams and moans of pleasure get louder. I release your legs and lean into you and kiss your sweet lips as we both begin to have orgasms rock our bodies in unison as we climax together.
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A campfire to warm you up----- The next chapter
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Posted:Oct 14, 2007 7:45 am
Last Updated:Oct 17, 2007 9:00 pm
1263 Views
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This is a continuation of a story by my sweet friend meanduis69 [blog meanduis69]
Catching our breath, we sit together for what feels like hours staring into the flames of the fire...
I open my eyes to find that the fire had dwindled to a light glow. I feel your body shivering as the temperature grew colder. I swept you up into my arms to carry you to the house. With your head nestled softly against my shoulder,you reach up and grab my neck.
I slowly make my way down the path making sure not to startle you. Your soft cheek rubs gently on my body. You appear to be in a sweet dream state. You whisper and coo softly as I gently carry you through the door.
Once inside I place you softly on the bed. Quietly and gently I undress you placing your clothes on the chair. I cover your beautiful body with the comforter, trying hard not to disturb your sweet slumber.
I make my way to the bathroom to get my self ready for bed. Feeling refreshed I turn out the light and make my way to bed.
I slide under the covers and gently snuggle up to your soft body.As I put my arm around you, your hand reaches for mine and pulls me tight.
I kiss the nape of your neck and whisper " Sweet dreams my sexy Lady." I fell your body wiggle and snuggle up tighter as you coo back " Thank you Sweetheart." And we drift off into a blissful sleep.
How should this continue?
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How sexy is your name?
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Posted:Oct 13, 2007 3:56 pm
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2007 3:54 pm
1683 Views
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Add the letters in your first name using the numbers below =)
And Write it at the bottom! And re-post it with "H0W SEXY iS UR NAME"
**************BE HONEST AND ADD CORRECTLY************
*under 60 points= not too sexy
*from 61-300 points= pretty sexxy
*over 301-599 points= VERY sexxxxy!!!
*beyond 600= beyond very very very sexy!!!!
A=100----- B=14----- C=9 ----- D=28 -----E=145 ----- F=12 ----- G=3 ----- H=10----- I=200 ----- J=100 ----- K=114 ----- L=100 ----- M=25 ----- N=450 ----- O= 80----- P=2 ----- Q=12 ----- R=400 ----- S=113 ----- T=405 ----- U=11 ----- V=10 ----- W=10 ----- X=3 ----- Y=210 ----- Z=23
Don't 4get to add ya name at tha bottom!!!
1.Keith...874 beyond very very very sexy !!!
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Brown Eyes
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Posted:Oct 13, 2007 3:46 pm
Last Updated:Oct 17, 2007 5:30 pm
1553 Views
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Black Eyes
People with black eyes spend the shortest time in relationships except for the one with their current addiction. They are leg humping friendly to borderline sleazy. They always fall in love with anything that has two legs, a pulse and a wet spot. They are great kissers----until they vomit all over you. They are very easy to please unless they haven't had their latest fix of alcohol, meth, cocaine, or prescription medicine. If you repost this and you have black eyes you will either O.D., spend the night in jail, or wake up next to some skank you've never seen before within the next 2 days.
Blue Eyes
People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome,very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are very funny, outgoing and don't care what people think or say. They are very satisfying and love to please. Are straight up WARRIORS when necessary. if you mess around with them, they'll knock you out. If you repost this and you have blue eyes you will have the best kiss sometime in the next 5 days.
Green Eyes
People with green eyes have the most passion put into relationships,honest and trust worthy, they have long lasting relationships. People with green eyes are also the most beautiful, are fun and outgoing, love to make people laugh, random as hell. They long for the touch of another. They are very laid back. People with green eyes are very sexy and very attracted towards other people. LOVES to party. Tend to cover up true feelings, get scared over relationships.You will meet/stay with the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with if you repost this.
Hazel Eyes
People with hazel eyes are very loveable. They are really hot & sexy and are awesome to be around. They love 'pet names'. They don't care what people think or say. They are lovers, not fighters. But if you mess around, they'll knock you out. They are very satisfying and they love to please exept bitches. They can exceed your pleasure standards if they like you . They are very laid back, chilled and love to just be around. If you repost this and have hazel eyes then you will be happy soon with the person who is on your heart.
Brown Eyes
Either sexy as hell or are adorable. Loves to make new friends. Their relationship tends to be very honest because if they aren't truly in love, then the relationship won't work. They fall easily for their best friends. Will do anything for that special person. Kind and polite. Enjoys being with their guy/girl. LOVES to party. Great in bed. Can make ANYONE laugh or cheer them up. Loves to please the one they care for or love.Is not the kind of person that you want to piss off. Repost this if you have brown eyes and you will find the one that you are meant to be with within the next 7 min
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Grade Me
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Posted:Oct 13, 2007 9:49 am
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2007 4:28 pm
1487 Views
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Grade Me
D = your parents must be hated
C- = You're just someone I don't want to talk to, okay?
C = You're okay looking, but u need work...
C+ = You're just average
B- = Your kinda cute and ur cool i guess
B = You're cute. And you're a pretty interesting person.
B+ = Pretty attractive. I'd hit that.
A- = You're extremely attractive, and you're awesome.
A = YOU'RE SEXY!!
A+ = ... will u go out with me [seriously]
A++= will you marry me
A+++=TAKE ME NOW ON THE TABLE AND KISS ME AND DON'T STOP
you are afraid of what people think of YOU if you don't post this!!!!!
Reply to me the grade you think I deserve.
Re-post this as "Grade Me
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Pizza And A Movie
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Posted:Oct 5, 2007 9:21 pm
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2007 10:37 am
1595 Views
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I would like to please you with a warm and tender embrace. I brush your hair back; gently I begin to kiss your neck. We make our way to the couch and sit to begin to enjoy our evening.
You recline back into my arms as the movie begins. I feel your warmth as you snuggle up tight and settle in. The movie plays and I massage your arms and chest as the movie rolls. Your body begins to writhe as the sensations of pleasure begin to run through your body. I will have your body relaxed and any stress relieved. You begin to moan softly as the gentle touch of my hands begin to move down your body
You press your body hard against mine and the movie begins to fade away. Your mouth moves up to meet mine with slow sensual kisses your tongue explores my mouth.
My hands roam over your body pulling your ass close to me. My hands caress and massage your sexy ass as you continue to kiss and explore my mouth neck and nipples
Did you lock the door? I ask as the passion and exctasy begins to rise. Not wanting anyone to walk in and interrupt us. You whisper into my ear that it was locked. This makes my hands roam and massage your lovely ass more. Occasionally smacking your ass cheeks with my hand with gentle stings.
We soon find our selves on to the floor. Your hands massaging my nipples as your mouth covers my entire body with kisses. You find my cock with your mouth and tease the tip with your tongue, flicking it all around the head. Then you take me into your warm waiting mouth. Your hand massages my balls, gently squeezing them in your fingers.
My hand reaches for your ass and pulls it towards my head. I pull your legs across my body so my tongue has access to your wet pussy. As your head bobs up and down on my cock my head rises to plant kisses and licks to your sweet honey pot. My hands again roam over your ass spreading your cheeks apart and I massage your sweet asshole with my finger. My tongue works your pussy over and soon you flood me with your sticky sweet love juices. I try to swallow as much as I can and make you cum more and more.
You sit up on my face, grinding your pussy all over my face, spreading your juices around my lips and face. Your body begins to shudder as another wave of orgasms rock you. Breathing heavily you collapse on top of me, I can feel your heaving breasts press in to my body. You turn to me and whisper "Lets take a shower." I kiss your lips and with a nod we rise from the floor and we make our way to the shower. You start the water and make sure it’s the right temp before we step in. I gently wash your back with a sponge and run my hands between you ass cheeks, all the while kissing and nibbling your neck as the water cascades over your body.
After I finish with your back, I reach around and soap up and wash your beautiful large breasts. I lift each one and run the sponge softly across the underside of your breasts. Gently I tweak your nipples between my fingers. You lean back and moan in pleasure as my nipple massage makes your nipples harder. You turn your head and kiss me, moaning, " Don't stop please!" I whisper in your ear " Baby I won't stop until your ready to collapse in my arms." I continue to caress your beautiful breasts.
As I finish with your breasts I raise your hands to the shower head. After I'm sure your steady I drop to my knees and bury my face in your ass cheeks. Both of my hands are massaging your ass as I run my tongue through your sweet ass cheeks. My hands reach around and massage your thighs from top to bottom, front to back. Soon my hands work their way down and caress your calves and back up your thighs. Soon your hips are gyrating and pushing your ass back onto my face forcing it deep into your ass. It is then I spread your legs to the sides of the tub and slide down and put my head between your thighs and begin to suck on your excited clit. I bury two fingers deep into your warm wet pussy, as I assault your clit with my mouth. Your body begins to shudder, with strong hands I guide you down on top of me as I lay back.
You grab the sponge and begin to wash my chest and neck, as you grind your hips on me. You reach back to wash and massage my balls with the sponge. I sit up, wrap my arms around you and hug you in a sweet wet embrace letting the water flow over both of us as if we were under a gentle waterfall. We shake and shudder in each other’s arms until it fades. We get out of the tub, towel each other off and slowly dance our way to the bedroom. Our bodies swaying back and forth as if a slow sexy song were playing.
You sit on the edge of the bed and grab my ass pulling my cock toward your waiting lips. You kiss and nibble the head of my cock teasing me back to hardness. Your mouth opens and you swallow me to the hilt. My hands grab your hair and pull back and forth, my cock appearing and disappearing in your mouth. You fondle my balls as my dick hardens more in your mouth.
After several minutes of pure bliss I pull my cock from your mouth and push you down on the bed. Standing there I pull your legs over my shoulders and with one hard thrust I bury my hard dick deep into your wet pussy. Your head rocks from side to side as I pound your cunt. I then vary my strokes, hard and deep, soft and short. I hold your legs tight and drive you hard onto the bed.
You reach up and pull me down, your legs falling off my shoulders. You put your hands on my face and kiss me long and hard as the orgasms run through your body like an endless tidal wave.
We collapse in each other’s arms and drift off to sleep.
The morning came and I was awakened in a special way.
To be continued
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To link to this blog (bighornytoad2) use [blog bighornytoad2] in your messages.
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