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Random thoughts and insights from me. Send a good joke; I love good jokes and will repost them here. NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With this in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list of code phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue in an effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive brethren. Old Phrase New Phrase 1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible 2. Your fucking joking Really3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by................4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem7. Eat shit and die You don't say8. Eat shit and die motherfucker You don't say, Sir9. Kiss my arse So you would like me to help you10. He's a fucking prick He is somewhat insensitive11. That's fucking bullshit I find that hard to believe12. You haven't got a fucking clue You could benefit from more training13. This place is fucked We are a little disorganised today14. What sort of fucker are you You're new here aren't you?15. Fuck off shit head Well there you go 16. You're a fucking wanker You're my manager and I respect you17. Ha! Fuck you I wasn't there that day18. This is bollocks We need to look into this some more19. I aint got no cunt I am rather short of labor20. Fuck off I'll look into that and get back to youYes this is me.    |
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Parking Lot hell.
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Posted:Oct 5, 2008 7:39 pm
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2008 5:52 am
13216 Views
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I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in park?"
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Skeletons in your closet
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Posted:Oct 4, 2008 10:00 am
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2008 7:03 am
13482 Views
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A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police. When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important."
The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important."
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion."
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Lifetime Achievement Award???
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Posted:Oct 3, 2008 2:46 pm
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2008 7:00 am
13417 Views
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Three salesmen were bragging who is the best.
The first said, that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man.
The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man.
The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to a blonde lady.
The other two said, so what?
The third salesman added, along with the Cuckoo clock, I also sold her one hundred pounds of bird seeds!!!!!
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Indiana Jones and the intellectual blonde
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Posted:Oct 2, 2008 11:55 am
Last Updated:Oct 4, 2008 7:13 am
13321 Views
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question:
"How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES""? The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".
The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates.
The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"? She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you know".
Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and finally gets asked: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES". She gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm - wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your calculator please?"
After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes up with the answer: "Thirty two"
The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me, how the hell did you arrive at this answer?"
She starts singing "Da Da Dah Dahhh Dah Dah Da Da Dah Dahh Dah Dah ..."
(The theme song for Indiana Jones)
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Just a little dream
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Posted:Oct 2, 2008 11:19 am
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2008 2:08 am
13228 Views
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Well then can I take you in my arms and hold you close to my body and feeling your warmth and softness? Caressing your back and sides; hearing your breathing change from soft and gentle to hoarse and intermittent. Then having you turn on your stomach to give you a massage. I have you take off your silk pajamas. Seeing you lay there with nothing on turns me on. I can't believe you I have gotten so lucky.
I start with a little warmed oil to rub into you skin. I work your shoulders and upper back and you sigh greatly. Letting me know, I am hitting all the right spots. Then I rub on the sides of your breasts and you suck in air sharply and release it long and soundlessly. I continue working my way down your body. Stopping at your lower back and making sure you are very comfortable. While continuing on I see your butt squirming on the table and smile for I will have a treat for you.
Reaching your butt you become startled slightly as if waking from a dream. "Relax" I say and you go off into your dream like trance. While I am massaging each cheek and the top of your butt, your legs are slightly parting giving my a beautiful view of your delicious wet pussy. I continue massaging and spread your legs a little farther. Moisten my thumb and forefinger and start by rubbing on the outside of your pussy and clit. Your legs close around my hand and you start to curl up, but soft word and encouragement relaxes you again.
You turn your head and open an eye, "Please make me cum, you have me SO horny!". I kiss the top of your butt and continue kissing until I am near your sweet pussy. I kiss your thighs and you sigh again; this time with your eyes open, looking straight into mine. I raise my eyebrows and lick the outside of your pussy making your eyes close just as fast.
You are wet and you taste delicious; like syrup from some distant pleasure giving plant. Your hands find my hair and gently pull me into your body I find your clit and give it a ride. First working it hard and then softly. Flicking up an down finding a smooth cadence up and down then switching to something a little more latin in rhythm. Your eyes open and there is a look of astonishment in them. (Maybe I will come today)
Then just as fast they clamp themselves shut. And your breathing becomes raspier and raspier. Coming faster and faster. You are pulling my hair harder and trying to pull my head into your body. I bring my hands into the mix, rubbing my thumb and forefinger on your clit and outer pussy. The combination have your butt moving on the bed and you cannot feign sleeping or even resting. Now you are starting to call softly," please make me come soon, you are so close". The encouragement is bringing me even great confidence and pride of bringing you this close. I reach into my pocket and bring out the tiny vibrator and apply it to your swollen clit.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. And you sit upright like a rocket. Pulling directly into your pussy even more. I cannot breathe but I do not care, this is for your pleasure and nothing will stop that. You are writhing all move the bed and moaning quite loudly, grabbing your breasts and tugging and pulling your nipples in every direction. Your eyes are pleading me to continue and really bring you over the edge.
All the sounds are bringing me closer as well. All the sounds are bringing me closer as well. I wish I had someone to bring me to climax.
Your hand shoots between your legs and grabs the little vibrator and goes straight for your clit and preses hard against it. Your eyes roll back in your head and you zone out for a minute or so. You release the toy and look at me. Grab my ears and pull me to your face. Your lips find mine in a very soulful and passionate kiss. "Thank you", you whisper barely audible.
And you snuggle against me and start to fall asleep. The rise and fall of you chest and breathing tell me you are sleeping. A smile comes across my face as I close my eyes a follow shortly after; your patterns matching and then I am drifting as well; into slumber.........zzz..........wow what a woman.....zzzzzzzzzzzz ....zzz
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What a game
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Posted:Oct 1, 2008 8:48 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2024 5:12 am
13291 Views
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There was a baseball game last night if anybody noticed.
It was the only game being played in Major League Baseball, for the second night in a row. And for the second night in a row, the Chicago White Sox came up big. I was there, like I normally am selling Programs before the game. Then I go in and sell beer from about the 2nd inning until the end of the 7th.
Well tonight because of a *brilliant move by White Sox brass. They made a scorecard specifically for the Tiebreaker and added it to the program. (normally we sell scorecards and programs-but not on this night. Programs only-with the aforementioned scorecard included). There were a lot of Un-happy people when I told them they could not purchase a scorecard by itself.
About the game itself I have three observations.
1. AJ Pierzynski is a man behind the plate. Number 12 took one in the chin last night and held on to the ball. One hell of a play. Now AJ is not everyones cup of tea. And he will say things that will irritate you at times; but this man comes to play everyday.
2.John Denks pitched one hell of a game last night. He stepped up last night and acquitted himself as a big game pitcher. For the moment anyway; the playoffs will tell us more. Nice job John.
3.The fans were asked to dress in all black by the White Sox on Monday after the makeup game versus Detroit. The blackout was pretty cool; after all these years of marketing "Good guys wear black". They finally put it to use.
These fans were up for every count where an opposing batter had two strikes. Whenever the White Sox had three balls on their batters. And every time a big play happened; you knew about it.
Jim Thome, AJ Perzynski, and John Denks all received standing ovations (well deserved) for their play last night. Then after the game the team allowed the fans to celebrate with them. Giving back to the fans again(thanks guys).
Back to the story.
Now after the 7th inning I normally go home because beer is done being sold and I do not have to sell programs on the blow off. But yesterday because of the special scorecard insert, I did.
I made the trip to pickup my at his mothers house late because of the extra selling and we got home after 11:30PM. So it made for a long day. All in all what a day for baseball. That was a great game and both sides should be proud to represent their teams, their fans and their owners. I am glad I was there.
So I will see all you Sox fans on Sunday. But today I have to go to wrigley field and work for the Cubs. Hey a man has to eat. GO SOX!
*not very smart on the Sox part. But when you order too many programs and need to get rid of them. What else are you going to do??
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Confessions of an Italian
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Posted:Oct 1, 2008 7:47 am
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2008 8:41 am
13484 Views
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This is a joke told by Nimrod2154 and is being retold with his permission.
Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
'Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Volpe?'
'I'll never tell'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'
' Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi , and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'4 months vacation and five good leads.'
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Snow Emergency
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Posted:Sep 29, 2008 6:54 pm
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2008 5:54 am
13306 Views
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Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Michael's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." Michael's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park......", then the electric power goes out. Michael's wife is very upset and, with a worried look on her face, she says, "Honey, I don' know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in Michael's voice, like all the men who are married to blondes exhibit, Michael says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time.
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posting for a friend-would you kiss me???
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Posted:Sep 28, 2008 6:18 pm
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2008 5:57 am
13344 Views
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I answered these on someone else's blog about her.
The 'rules' now say I have to post this on my own so here it is. Just play along and it will be fun! I promise!
Cut & paste makes it so much easier to read.
1 ) Do I look like a good kisser to you?
[] yes
[] no
2 ) Would you kiss me if given the chance?
[]yes
[]no
3 ) Am I ...
[]sexy as hell
[]fine
[]nice looking
[]cute
[]stunning
[]ugly!
4 ) Do you like oral sex?
[] yes
[] no
[] don't know
5 ) I look like. . .
[] a player
[] sweetheart
[] one time thing
[] your sister
6 ) If you saw me for the first time would you talk to me?
[] yes
[] no
7 ) Would you rather. . .
[] talk with me
[] kiss me
[] have sex with me
[] tie me up
[] spank me
[] all of the above
8 ) On a scale from 1 - 10 (10 being the highest) , rate me...
[] 1
[] 2
[] 3
[] 4
[] 5
[] 6
[] 7
[] 8
[] 9
[]10
9 ) What would you want me to be to you?
[] friend
[] fuck buddy
[] friend w/benefits
10 ) Will you post this on your site so I can answer your questions?
[] Yes
[] No
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Just hang me get it over with
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Posted:Sep 28, 2008 4:36 am
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2008 6:58 am
12480 Views
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Back a few years ago, I went over to my neighbors house.(She was a blonde), and for some reason she was mad at the world. She had locked herself in the bathroom and was threatening suicide. I said, "Come on, you know you don't want to do this!"
She said, "I damn well do wanna do this, nobody wants me alive anyways."
For some reason I actually believed her and pushed through the door, and saw she had a rope tied to around her ankles. I asked "Are you really trying to hang yourself?"
"Yeah, so what?"
"Well, usually when people hang themselves they tie the rope around their necks"
"Yeah, well, I tried that, but then I couldn't breathe."
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Ok so what did you have for lunch????
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Posted:Sep 27, 2008 8:12 pm
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2008 5:55 am
12471 Views
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Today was the annual Scottish festival in my small town. And I go every year for two reasons; 1. I am 1/2 Scottish and 2. because I can taste some of the Scottish food they have every year.
I enjoy going and visiting all the booths and making my purchases. Like last years sweater that came in quite handy where in Scotland last year, and also this years Tam hat. I read the geneological information and look for things to find find lost family members from the census of the 17 or 1800's.
And then there is the cuisine of the Scotsman.
Now normally I would go early in the morning so I could buy frozen: bridies, bangers, meat pies, Cornish meat pies and other things. Which I did again this year, which cost me over $100.00 this year. Then I came back and was getting hungry so I tried the Grandaddy of all Scottish foods=HAGGIS . Now before you get all half cocked and say that only a mad man would eat the stuff, let me tell ya. It really is not that bad; in fact I liked it.
This poor food has a worse reputation than many people I know.
As I said I liked it and will have it again. So what did you have different for lunch anything interesting???
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Flat tire
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Posted:Sep 27, 2008 11:51 am
Last Updated:Sep 27, 2008 8:38 pm
12447 Views
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Date of Joke: Thursday, 12th April, 2007
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.
The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"
"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.
"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...
"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replies.
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Being Late
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Posted:Sep 26, 2008 3:37 am
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2008 11:29 pm
12605 Views
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"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar.
"It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course.
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
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To link to this blog (fletchers_arrow) use [blog fletchers_arrow] in your messages.
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