Gin and Lime
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Posted:May 23, 2013 7:01 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2013 7:26 am
14094 Views
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Nothing about the following story is made up.
We drove out into the countryside somewhere south of Reading. I'm not sure exactly where, because I only ever went there three times, and it was hard enough to find the place even then, and that was over thirty years ago in what seems like another lifetime now.
Scattered pictures, like the smiles we left behind.
I don't even remember the name of the place, but if you took the right turnings, somewhere close to nowhere, out in the south Berkshire countryside in a sort of semi-developed Bermuda Triangle of a wilderness in between Reading, Wokingham and Basingstoke, you would stumble upon a kind of a what-you-could-loosely-call a nightclub. I'm zippin' up my boots, going back to my roots. One building, on its own miles from anywhere, with a car park.
Everybody dance, d-d-doo-do clap your hands, clap your hands.
Looking back, it had the perfect atmosphere for me – not too glitzy or pretentious, and it was inclusive as well, making you feel welcome, not too stand-offish or intimidating. Still grown up and sexy though. A bit like the girl I was with. She was tall, willowy, and oozed what was probably a rich sensuality, but back then I'm not sure she knew quite how to deal with it. She was fun to be with though.
Get ready..........tonight........ gonna make – this - a night to reme-ember.
I'd only had my first car a year or so, and don't ask me how I found out about this club in the first place because I have no idea. I had been there once before with another girl, and it seemed a good place for what was very nearly a first date. I was old enough to think it mattered that I could act sophisticated, and too young to realise that actually it didn't.
Just because you don't believe that I wanna dance, don’t mean that I don't want you.
We ordered drinks. I don't know what I had, but she had gin and lime. I had never tasted it before, and the first taste I had was on her tongue as she kissed me. I can still remember the zing of the lime mixed with the smooth taste of the gin in her mouth. I don't know if it was our first kiss, but the memory of it feels like one. My head spun as if I had downed a whole bottle of gin myself, but somehow it was the lime which made me want her. To this day the taste can still bring back that memory. I have an impression in my mind of her long soft body pressed against mine and her arms round my neck, whatever the song that was playing.
We're lost in music, caught in a trap, there's - no turning back.
I don't think I ever slept with this girl. I don't remember her very well except for this moment, which has burned itself in a corner of my mind. I know she wanted to see more of me, but circumstances kept us apart, and later, one time when we did have a chance to get together, I had my mind on other aspects of growing up, and I think I was a bit dismissive of her. I knew I was hurting her feelings, but I didn't care enough at the time and I regret that. I wonder what kind of life she has had........?
And the beat goes on, just like my love everlasting.
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18
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Shouting Match
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Posted:May 3, 2013 12:07 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2013 6:55 am
14635 Views
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I just had a massive shouting match with a guy I can not stand who is involved with an organisation I help to run.
I say a shouting match, but actually it was me that did most of the shouting. He just smarmily pretended he didn't think he'd done anything wrong.
This is a guy who doesn't really know me, but has been trying to pick a fight with me ever since he came into the organisation, seemingly because of some pre-conceived idea of what I might be like. Of course he pretends he has nothing against me. I am sometimes nearly sucked in by this, as I can't actually think of any reason why he would have anything against me. But deep inside I know - he is one of those sad people who just likes making trouble.
Today he finally said something I couldn't let go by and which I found particularly offensive, and for some reason I totally snapped. I told him how offensive I found his remark to be, but instead of backing off, like someone who really hadn't intended to be confronting would have, he told me that he thought my reaction proved his point. At this juncture the shouting happened, as I told him in pretty blunt terms exactly what I thought of him.
I know I over reacted, and I'm not completely sure why. I suppose my mistrust of him has built up over the last few months, but all the same, I hate myself when I lose my composure like that. I wouldn't have, but he caught me by surprise. I should have known better - he is like a blog troll, and I have always known better than to react to that kind of deliberate needling.
But then I came here and read a couple of blogs. There are people with worse problems than some arse who pisses them off. I feel better now, lol.
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4
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No Changes
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Posted:Apr 24, 2013 2:50 am
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2013 11:42 am
16578 Views
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I feel like one of those forms they give you to fill in when if all the information is correct they ask you just to write "no changes" and send it back.
"Change is good, but I don't like it." Who said that? Was it me, or did someone famous once say that and I've remembered it?
I don't really mind change, as long as it is not too sudden, and moves in the right direction, lol. But I am not one of those people who seeks it out for the sake of it. I always get bemused when I hear someone, when asked their interests, say amongst other things, "meeting people." Well of course, I like meeting people I like......But I have a friend who can be intensely annoying by inviting you out to the pub and then spending the whole evening talking to some git he's never met before at the next table, because: "he was dreadful wasn't he, but I found him really interesting."
Each to his own, I know this is one area where I am a bit unusual. Once I like someone, I am a very loyal and easy going friend, but I am not always good with new acquaintances, especially men. I like my friend and of course he can be interested in talikg to mad psycho axe murderers in the pub if he likes, but I would prefer he doesn't waste my time on it, lol )
I like my friends to be people I already know, lol.
In the same way, I frequently go back to the same places on holiday, because I loved it there before. A great holiday for me is often one week in a place I love, and a second week exploring new places in a nearby area. Actually I usually do it the other way round, finishing with the place I love, just in case.
So in my life recently there have been "no changes." Mostly I like it like that. But I don't want to end up too old to change and never having done anything different. I suppose I do sometimes do new things, but there have been no radical changes, like moving to a different country, taking up tap dancing, or changing what I do for a living. I haven't even moved house for many years. Because I like my house.
Or is it maybe a case of ..... (singing) : "I've been afraid of changing, 'cos I built my life around you, but time makes you bolder, even get older, and I'm getting older too..... "
Hmmmmm. Time has not really made me bolder, I don't think, and maybe I am afraid of changing.
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13
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Save a Life
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Posted:Apr 12, 2013 9:36 am
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2013 12:44 am
15518 Views
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No interesting thoughts or erotic dreams to charm you with today, but I did save a life yesterday, so that's good.
I was turning right off the main street - another car was coming out of the junction. As I turned the corner, two , fourteen or fifteen years old, ran out behind the waiting car. I was paying attention, I stopped. They stopped. They looked frightened and then laughed, crossed over and ran off.
Okay it was nothing special, a driver ought to be alert to things like that. But I expect they will think about it later, and learn a lesson - as did I. or at least I reinforced a lesson learnt many times over the years. After all, it only takes a moment to change your life. I suppose I saved mine as much as I saved theirs.
But I wonder if one day the same thing will happen to them with a driver who isn't paying attention. Maybe the memory will kick in in time and save their lives again. I hope so.
I wonder how often we have an effect on people and never even know. After all, I can't remember how I learned to watch out for unexpected pedestrians, but I offer up silent thanks to whoever, and whenever for the lesson.
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10
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The Holiday (Again)
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Posted:Apr 10, 2013 5:28 pm
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2013 3:06 pm
15597 Views
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I have begun to wonder what it might be like to be in love with Cameron Diaz.
I had been going to write an email, (not to Cameron Diaz, although there's an idea, ) but my computer crashed, and I was tired, so I went to bed and put the TV on, and The Holiday was on TV again. And so after watching it (again ) I had to go and get my laptop, and blog about it.
Some of you, well, one or two of you, or perhaps now only one of you, may remember the significance of that film to me and how in many ways it symbolises one of the reasons why I stayed on this site. I know it isn't a great film, but it has a few wonderful scenes, and it is just my kind of film. As always I was in tears on and off all the way through - happy tears, at least mostly. The original significance of the film has drifted into the past for me, but every time I watch it I find new messages which teach me little lessons about my life. Surprisingly, for such a light-hearted movie, not all of them make for comfortable viewing.
But then there is Cameron. She has the most incredible way of looking at someone. I know she is acting, but I think she must be drawing on feelings she knows from deep inside when she looks adoringly at Jude Law. Her eyes change from just ordinarily beautiful into shining searchlights of happy emotion. I could stare at that look in her eyes endlessly. It actually makes my heart beat faster for a moment, as if she was really in the room. She is an actress who does "happy" better than anyone I think. And I do so love happy.
Plus I love to watch her run.
Love affairs that make people look at you the way Cameron Diaz does are pure magic: rare and sometimes short-lived gifts, to be given in to, given up to, to be un-hesitatingly embraced for every moment that you have them, just in case they do one day drift away into the past, and then to be remembered with happy tears in your eyes for the rest of your life.
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17
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Too Long
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Posted:Apr 5, 2013 12:44 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2013 9:43 am
16841 Views
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I think it is possible that I may have been on this site too long.
Last night I remembered I have to update some membership forms for a sports club I am involved with. I didn't have a pen and paper handy to write anything on and I didn't want to forget, so I thought I would use a mnemonic. Something memorable starting with UMF - for "update membership forms."
What was the first thing that sprang to my mind?
Ugly Men Fuck.
Lol, like I said, maybe I've been here too long. (It did work though. )
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16
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Music and Lyrics
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Posted:Mar 27, 2013 10:10 am
Last Updated:Apr 4, 2013 5:09 am
16045 Views
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Music and Lyrics
Not the Hugh Grant and Drew Barrimore romcom, although I do absolutely love that movie.
No, I was thinking about the parallels between songs and relationships. I mean sometimes you hear a song and you just don’t get it. The lyrics mean nothing and seem just to be there to give someone's voice something to do, or the music is just a backing track. When I find myself writing something like that I throw it in the bin.
Then there are those songs where the music and lyrics seem at least like they have a relationship. The words fit into the melody, and the tune adds something to the meaning.
But I keep finding that so many of the great songs are more than that. Songs where both the tune and the lyrics each have something very special. I first fell in love with "Please Please Please let me get what I want," (the art gallery scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off) before I even knew there were any lyrics. Add the lyrics, whether sung by Dream Academy or the original Morrisey, and they add a new and wonderfully wistful, forlorn and yet faintly hopeful quality.
But there is another kind of song, characterised by the fact that, at first glance, taken on their own, the music and lyrics don't even seem to belong together. It shouldn't work; they feel like they come from completely different places, and the rhythms are all wrong. But put them with each other and some kind of delicious alchemy takes place. I could list so many of my favourites. All the best of Joan Armatrading songs, especially "Love and Affection," or Fleetwood Mac's "Go Your Own Way." ("you can call it a-nu--therlonelyda-ay." ) Suddenly the whole is a great deal more than the sum of the parts. Despite their seeming incompatibility, these tunes simply could not have any other lyrics.
It's like they have found the love of their lives.
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9
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Unlikely Things Can Happen
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Posted:Mar 26, 2013 5:01 pm
Last Updated:Apr 4, 2013 12:39 pm
16679 Views
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So here's the thing. We all know that I have this weird situation that I allow to continue 'cos I can't see how to change it for the better, and that it has lead to me not having sex for a very long time. Sometimes I am very frustrated, sometimes I forget about sex and decide it doesn't really matter. (You don't see so much of me when I feel like that, lol. And other times I am happily fantasizing away about someone who has caught my eye, and other times I nearly get caught up in letting something become real.
Part of me doesn't want anything to change, and another side of me really wants something to happen. That's the side of me that regrets not taking advantage of Gothic Girl when I had the chance. Sometime soon I will write up my Midnight Visitor fantasy for you, and you should know that with a couple of exceptions (who may or may not be reading this blog right now, ) when I think about getting a midnight visitor, it is usually her.
The dangerous thing about thinking about GG is that it reminds me that what started out as a completely impossible fantasy, very very nearly actually happened. Would have happened if I had let it. It reminds me that if you try to make something happen, however unlikely it seems, sometimes, amazingly, it does.
Well, last year I met another young woman, we'll call her the Student for now - until I think of a better nickname - because she is one. I really like this girl, and although I find it hard to convince myself that she could be interested in me, something about the way she responds to me makes me think she may well be. I saw her again tonight. We were at a.....well, I can't say exactly where, but a regular local event which she sometimes attends when she is staying at her parents place. The thing is, we have a lot in common. She is studying something I know quite a lot about, and she asks me questions, and we chat about other things too. I like her, and she also turns me on.
Last year a fantasy began in my mind about how it would be if we were alone together and she admitted liking me. I was hooked on the fantasy for a few weeks, but then I didn't see her again for six months, until tonight, so the idea drifted away. Now it is back, waiting to be let loose when I log off this blog and lie down and close my eyes. She was obviously pleased to see me, and we talked quite a lot. But, it would upset an awful lot of people, many of whom are friends of mine, if either I tried it on and she was offended, or even, in the amazingly unlikely event that she was interested in me sexually, if something happened and people found out about it. Plus, I do like this girl. So if something happened, it would unquestionably mess up my life, and it might well mess up hers a bit too, which I wouldn't want. But if I don't make any running at all, I will prbably see her two or three times a year at most, and only in the company of loads of other people.
I guess I am not going to do anything but fantasize about this. Because I don't want to go where it would lead. And I don't think she is the type who would make the running over this, even if she knew for a second I fancied her. In a way I like having this feeling. But it is safer when it is a film star, or someone on the blogs hundreds, or even thousands of miles away, and where the agenda is so much less complicated. So in another way I hate having this feeling too. I wish I had something equally sexy, but safer going on to distract me from this, but at the moment I don't.
But I guess it is always like that when you want something you can't have. You just have to live with it.
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7
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Experience
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Posted:Mar 22, 2013 4:39 am
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2013 4:27 pm
16341 Views
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Far be it from me to start making personal comments here on Gay Hookup Zone, but I was looking at one of your blogs just now (I am not going to say whose ) and, seeing a comment from one of your male admirers, I was moved to say out loud, "Is it just me, or is there something wrong with his bollocks?"
Anyway, that isn't what I logged on to blog about. I was inspired by a scene in a run-of-the-mill movie on TV. (Notice I said "movie" - sorry Peter, Synn, etc, but I know where the majority of my friends live. ) "The Guardian" with Kevin Costner actually. Not the deepest piece of cinema ever, sort of like "Top Gun" only with coast guards. Anyway, there was this scene in the film, I mean movie, in which Costner was complaining about getting old (he looked okay to me ) and his friend, brilliantly played by Bonnie Bramlett I think, gets the line, "Getting old ain't bad. getting old? That's earned."
She prefaces it with a few gems like, "If my muscles ache, it's 'cos I used them. I've got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've layed under thousands of skies on sunny days."
I like that sentiment. I thought about how it applies to me, and I wanted to add to it. Because for me, like many people, being young was handed to you on a plate for nothing. Okay it can be tough finding your way, but you don't have to have anything to make a start. But getting old really does have to be earned.
Experience isn't what you've seen or heard or lived through, it's what you've learned from it. Experience is learning how easy it is to be wrong. And if I think I know the best way to deal with something, it's usually because I've got it wrong before and paid the price already. If I have hope, it's because every now and then something amazing that I never could have dreamed of has happened. And if sometimes my heart aches from holding memories, it's because it's full of them, pressing on the scars of fires that lit me up inside so brightly in the past.
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7
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This Girl Will Eat Your Brains
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Posted:Mar 15, 2013 9:30 am
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2013 4:22 pm
16216 Views
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I went to the Supermarket today and all the staff were dressed as superheros for Comic Relief. Superman, Captain America (he looked great) Little Bo Peep, (sexy, ) Batman.
I got to the checkout and OMG. I literally could hardly speak. The girl with the venus fly trap eyelashes was standing at the till, dressed as Lara Croft. Skin tight T shirt, khaki shorts, leather straps round her bare thighs, the full works. She's got the tits for it as well and I don't think they're fake ones. I could could have bent her over the cash register and raided her tomb right there in front of the half price chocolate.
I tried to say something cool but only a jumble came out of my mouth. I was as nervous as a newt in a bucket of piranhas. I'm not normally unable to control my nerves in front of a woman, but I was trying so hard not to talk rubbish I completely forgot to start putting things into my shopping bags.
At least she was smiling and chatting this time. I can never work out whether she's just moody or whether she secretly thinks I am some pervy middle aged bloke who only goes shopping to check out her nectar points. I suppose that might be what I actually am - oh heavens, what a bummer. Normally you can't see what a gorgeously curvy figure she has under her regulation issue shapeless fleece so it isn't quite as hard to keep up the pretense of just being there to buy food.
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8
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Thought Provoking Comments
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Posted:Mar 8, 2013 7:48 am
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2013 4:18 pm
17666 Views
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Hi All,
I'm going to be off line for a few days, so.............. make jokes, whisper something sexy, talk amongst yourselves, tell me what you're wearing, or leave thought provoking comments for me to ponder when I get back, and I'll see you all in the middle of next week.
Loveyoubye,
Dreamer.
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13
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Sex and Science Fiction
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Posted:Mar 5, 2013 4:07 pm
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2013 4:17 pm
17901 Views
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Forget porn - Science Fiction has a lot of the sexiest images.
From Barbarella to Buffy (Okay I know Buffy is fantasy not science fiction, but I loved the later series examining the relationship between her and bad-boy-turned-good vampire Spike who hated himself for falling in love with her )
But over the last couple of days I have had a strange experience with what I originally thought was one of the sexiest images I have ever seen on TV, watching believe it or not, Star Trek Enterprise.
I switched on the TV half way through an episode called "Bound." Captain Archer is presented with a gift of three slave girls by some aliens after a successful trade negotiation. The first thing I noticed about these women apart from the fact that they were seriously gorgeous, was that their entirely green skin was a bit of a turn on. I have no idea why. Would I find a woman with green skin a turn on in real life? Who knows........
Anyway, one of the girls is clearly attracted to Captain Archer and begins to flirt heavily with him, expecting him to take advantage of her slave status. But as he explains; "slavery was made illegal on our world hundreds of years ago" and she is now free to start a new life. She seems disappointed, and asks
"If I do this willingly," (she kisses him sexily) would it violate your ship's protocol?"
"Not necessarily," he says, kissing her back hungrily.
OMG. I am so susceptible to this "willing gift" fantasy that I really began to get turned on even though the scene was essentially no more pornographic than a 's TV show should be. I know that in real life, in a relationship, I want, no, need, to be an equal with my partner. But when it comes to sex, I can be enslaved by someone who offers me themselves as a willing gift. These days I think it pervades my fantasies even more, but of course I also remember one or two relationships where although we were equals, and without really having thought about what was happening, my partner had the ability to play this role for me when she wanted me. I miss that very much.
Of course in Star Trek Enterprise it turns out that the green skinned women exude a dangerous pheromone which completely overrides the male members of the crew's natural judgement (can't all sexy women do that? Lol, ) and it also gives all the women in the crew a headache, as a kind of defence mechanism against competition lol. In a neat twist, we find out that the green skinned women are in fact in charge on their planet, and the males of their species are the real slaves.
Now this episode was repeated the following day, so I recorded it so that I could watch the sexy bit again. No, so that I could watch the beginning and see how the women came to be aboard the Enterprise in the first place.
And the strange thing was, suddenly, knowing that it was all a trick – they weren't really turned on by the crew; they didn't really want to give themselves – I just didn't find them sexy any more.
It seems that (as I should have known, having had this kind of fantasy in different guises for a long time now) I only get turned on if there is genuine affection on the part of the giver. I know all of this probably says a lot about me, but I am tired and going to bed after a long day and I can't be bothered to figure out what it is lol.
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12
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Hugh Jackman Shirtless
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Posted:Mar 4, 2013 10:24 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2013 2:24 pm
19002 Views
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As a result of a couple of comments on my last post I was moved to click on a search for "Hugh Jackman Shirtless." I was surprised by how many pictures came up!
I can advise, strictly for academic purposes you understand, that the Dreamer chest is a little less hairy and considerably less bulked up in musculature than that of the previously mentioned Mr Jackson, but similar enough to make me feel extremely good about myself, thank you all very much. Maybe I should post a picture for you some time!
You will all find your individual replies as usual on the previous post, but I would like to point out that as well as genuinely valuing your opinion as a good cross section of the most sexually aware women on the planet, I was also sneakily just hoping to get you all thinking about my chest, and you didn't need to worry that I might be about to take precipitate action! I am delighted that you all, almost to a woman, suggested that it would be best to "be myself," because that would be following the habit of a lifetime for me lol, and as I said, my natural leaning was away from the waxing if possible! I have no back hair to concern anyone, nor is there any danger whatsoever of becoming a sasquatch, (sorry comanchera) so my chest will continue to be wax and shaving foam free from now on.
My chest hair is however soft, and my skin still smooth enough for the rubbing of faces or the nuzzling of lips, plus toned and manly enough for the running over of fingertips or burying of shoulders in my arms, should any of you feel moved for a moment to imagine yourselves in such a position.
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To link to this blog (hotdreamer1000) use [blog hotdreamer1000] in your messages.
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