I can't say Pussy
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Posted:Feb 10, 2011 3:57 am
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2011 1:54 pm
7803 Views
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While we are on the subject of language and semantics, can I just say, that I really can't say (or write) "pussy." I mean come on - I'm an Englishman, lol! I know I may have used the expression in earlier blogs, but I claim loss of inhibition due to arousal, and the lack of a better word.
I know it is the commonest, most recognizable and even acceptable word for what Jeremey Clarkson coyly referred to the other day as your "lady garden," but the word makes me squirm, and not in a good way.
Here is another example of an important part of the sexual lexicon for which I can't find a suitable word. You can't say "cunt" - it sounds vulgar and most women just don't like it - and "pussy" doesn't sound right unless you are an American, and even then it just makes me think of the pseudo desperate cries of an artificially enhanced whining porn star. Twat, snatch, slit, etc, and most other colloquialisms I can think of are all somehow derogatory. Quim is okay I suppose, but not really in common enough use, so it would sound affected and old-fashioned. And all those delicate ones like la la and hooha are too much reminiscent of an embarrassed mother talking to a little girl.
Bessie Smith, in her famous early blues recording "Kitchen Man" came up with the best radio-friendly euphemism I know; "when he eats my doughnut, all he leaves is the hole, any time he wants to he can lick my sugar bowl." I love that line, but you guys would laugh if I described how I once lay my girlfriend down softly in lambswool blankets and licked her sugar bowl until she shivered with multiple pop-offs.
So what's it to be? Next time I feel an erotic post coming on with plenty of hot pulses of sperm shooting deep into warm beautiful fantasy lust objects, what should I call their vaginas?
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19
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Pork Sword Calling Danny Boy
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Posted:Feb 2, 2011 10:39 am
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2011 9:29 am
7488 Views
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Why isn’t there a slang noun for “Orgasm?”
We think up all sorts of words for all other things sexual; like snowball, teabag, dogging, box, bush, beaver…….muff diving………
Of course we do endlessly use the verb “coming” (often spelt “cumming,” which I hate, ) but the English language has no alternative nouns for the single most important part of sex; the orgasm. (Okay, I know it isn’t necessarily the most important part, but you know what I mean.) You can’t say, "I had a great cum with you last night."
It doesn't need slang of course, but my love of language insists that there should be some other words for it. Romantic words. Funny words. Rude words. But there just aren’t.
In French they call it "la petite mort." You probably knew that, and I bet in other languages there are words for it too, why not in English?
I mean there must be a thousand words for cock, prick, dick, wanger, bishop, Johnson, knob, pork sword……(I can’t stop thinking of Richard Burton now. )
Anyway. Anyone got any ideas or reasons why not?
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17
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Too much Emotion
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Posted:Feb 1, 2011 8:07 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2012 6:01 pm
6382 Views
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I don’t usually do film reviews, mainly because although I like movies, I don’t go to the cinema much so that by the time I see anything on TV it is a bit late for a review.
But I was persuaded to make an exception for “The King’s Speech,” which by now has probably won pretty well every Oscar they’ve got going. Because it is a truly brilliant film. Except that I am not sure I enjoyed it all that much. I mean I was spellbound, don’t get me wrong, and the acting is brilliant. Right from the very start, the look of horror in Colin Firth’s eyes as he contemplated his first public speech was almost too well acted for me, and Helena Bonham Carter’s Queen Mother was not only brilliantly believable, but so loving and funny as well. The only thing I could find wrong with it at all was Timothy Spall’s Churchill – that didn’t look right. He’s a good comedian, but I couldn’t take him seriously as the First Lord of the Admiralty, and Prime-Minister-Saviour of Europe to come.
But it wrung tears out of me from beginning to end, and I can’t cope with that. There is too much residual sadness buried in me to want to go there. That’s probably why I like romantic comedies and Hugh Grant films. The emotion is comic book depth, and usually happily resolved. It’s strange, because my life has been full of emotions, and I cope pretty well with them in real life, but I don’t want to sit streaming through a movie.
I was glad my mother wasn’t there to see the all too real newsreel of Hitler either - she hated to be reminded of that kind of stuff, and it looked as chilling as if it were happening right now today. Which of course it may be in certain parts of the world.
I can’t say, exactly, why I cried so much. I wish I understood that part of myself better. Injustice, second chances, fighting against long odds. Standing up for what you believe in, love despite difficulties, the admiration of one for another’s soul. These things can all start me off, more so in fiction than they do in real life.
And yet I constantly have the feeling that it is something within me, trying to fight its way out, which latches on to these things and opens up the tear ducts. I haven’t managed to figure out what it is yet.
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13
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That's too Tall
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Posted:Jan 31, 2011 5:11 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2012 6:06 pm
6900 Views
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Regent Street 3 O'clock. The sirens howled by me and I quickly dialled a number. Friends were planning a bank job not a hundred yards away and I needed to warn them that the fuzz was on its way.
To evade capture I popped into the Levi's shop to try to find my perfect in-between jeans size. The ones in my picture have sprung a hole in the knee. The guy who served me was extremely tall. I said to him, "I know you've probably been asked this a thousand times before, but exactly how tall are you?"
He said, "Six feet eight inches."
A thought sprang into my mind, for which I am blaming my earlier company. "What do you do if your girlfriend is only five foot three or something?" I asked. Well, I know what you might be thinking, 'cos I thought that later on too. But I didn't mean it like that. I suppose I should count myself lucky that he kept smiling, or even more, that he didn't say "well she doesn't have to bend down to suck my cock if that's what you mean."
But no, instead he just said, "Well, actually I'm very lucky, because she is tall as well, six feet two in fact."
All I could think of was what kind of are those two going to have? That's evolution, right there in front of you.
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17
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What was I blogging about?
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Posted:Jan 26, 2011 2:16 am
Last Updated:Jan 31, 2011 10:46 am
6205 Views
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Do you ever have that thing where you have an idea of something you want to write a post about, and then forget it? Yesterday I thought.....yes, that's something I'd like to hear peoples thoughts on. I can start by saying "............" I had it half planned out in my head, but I had something else to do first and I thought I would write about it in the morning.
This morning? Gone. I have no idea.
The only thing I can remember is that I had decided on the subject in preference to a rant about the world we live in, but as that rant is now all I can remember I will have to go with that instead. It was only a very minor rant.
I was driving home, and stopped at a red light behind a white van, which had, printed in very nice lettering on its rear doors, "The closer you get, the slower I go."
Now, I know that people do this, and given how intimidating it is to have some middle aged boy-racer trying to climb up your exhaust pipe in BMW, I suppose I can't blame people for giving in to this kind of bloody-minded way to fight back. But the fact that this guy saw fit to have the slogan printed on his van rather indicates that he not only thinks this is socially acceptable, but also that he thinks it is funny, and clever. I hate that about the way the world is. I don't always like living in that world; sometimes I'd rather live here in the Dreamerverse with you.
I don't drive slow, but mostly I am a very "you first" driver. (Okay, I do sometimes shout aimlessly, "put your fucking foot down you stupid dithery git," when I am stuck behind someone who, let's say, isn't as confident about their cornering as others. I have been known to slither round the odd corner, and I did one slither right off and into a bush, but thankfully no one else was involved, and I learnt my lesson. ) I don't tail-gate, I don't push past, and I let people in and try to remember that cooperation works best on the road, just as it does in life generally.
As I am writing this, I realise that this is possibly a more interesting post than I originally thought, because there are so many parallels between driving and life itself. In life I've had a couple of crashes, and one or twice someone else has been hurt, but I hope I am a better driver now. I still get in the wrong lane sometimes, and end up accidentally having to cut someone up, but maybe I remember to look ahead more. Yes, it slows you down, and it isn't as instantly exciting, but you're not so likely to end up in hospital, and you have more time to be relaxed and notice the parts you are enjoying.
But in the world there are lost of people driving white vans, and I don't feel comfortable amongst them. I just hope I never start to go slower, just 'cos someone gets close.
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Imaginary Conversations
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Posted:Jan 24, 2011 11:28 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2011 1:26 pm
6168 Views
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I found myself having one of those imaginary conversations - you know, the kind where you wonder what you would say if maybe someone asked you a particular question, or you were in some situation or other. Sometimes you are just dreaming, examining possibilities. Others you might be thinking ahead, wondering how a real dialogue might progress. Not exactly a fantasy, but often not how it would be in reality either.
The question this time was "what are you really looking for in your life?" I didn't find it easy to answer.
Direction, truth, understanding, comfort, appreciation, safe adventure (is there such a thing?, ) peace, distraction, permission to be who I really want to be? Something of all of these things I suppose, and yet it isn't as if I don't already have something of all of these in my day to day life. But something of all of them is missing too.
Maybe everyone feels that way. Maybe it is just me. This wouldn't be the first time I have been told I compartmentalized different part of my life too much. For a while now, Gay Hookup Zone has been filling in the gaps, and I am grateful for that, but it is beginning to look as if nothing will ever change. In many ways I don't want it to. But equally, do I want my life to always be two incomplete halves? Could either ever be whole enough to stop me needing the other? Can both halves ever merge?
Maybe what I am looking for in life can be summed up in one word - Answers. But often, I am only dimly aware of what the questions even are. And of course, "No one is ever told what would have happened."
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8
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Oral Sex Lifts Your Mood
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Posted:Jan 20, 2011 10:47 am
Last Updated:Jan 31, 2011 11:13 am
7626 Views
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It has been a hectic week, too much work and not enough fun. ( I read that somewhere once I think. )
I did however discover a general rule which I think might be of interest to you: When faced with your man in a bad mood, offer to suck his cock. The mere mention of it may well lift his mood.
Anyway, I thought I had better check in just to let you all know you are not forgotten, but this week I have been too busy even to think about sex, let alone think about writing about sex, or anything else. So I wondered: what should I have been fantasising about, if I had only had time?
Ideas please.
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18
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Together for now....and again
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Posted:Jan 13, 2011 11:27 am
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2011 1:27 pm
6629 Views
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Together forever is a comforting idea, but it is scary too, when you really think about it. Maybe that idea is best left for when it just happens by itself. Maybe together just for now………again and again…….and again, is a better way to think of it. Maybe that’s how it could be. You can still feel that deep intensity we are all seeking. That wonderful nervous tightening of the abs, that little jump inside as our pulses speed and we feel our hearts beat as we press against each other. Happy to share the knowledge that we can trust each other to give what is needed, to understand, to always be good to each other, even if we are not always together.
I imagine you standing by the open window in the dark, your back to me as I walk into your room for the first time and close the door. At first you do not turn. Your hair is over your bare shoulder and I brush it away, slipping my arms around your waist and bending to touch my lips against the back of your neck. Is this a memory, or the future? It’s so vivid I can’t remember. You lean back against me, half letting me hold you upright, and I kiss your neck and shoulders until I can feel your legs beginning to give way.
I turn you round and kiss you with all the soft, desperate passion I have been holding in check for so long. My cock is already responding, and I guess, correctly, that you can feel it pressing into you through my jeans. Your smile tells me so when I break the kiss and look into your eyes, so we lie back on the bed and I hold myself above you, barely touching you, my lips playing a game with your mouth and cheek and shoulders until you stretch your neck up and pull me down to feel my weight and get me to kiss you properly.
Your fingers undo my belt – the most exciting, wonderful and best unspoken way of saying yes, and from there we run on like a pre-written program: we each know what is needed. Your naked body is warm against mine, enclosing me. Your nipples strain, desperate to feel my lips and I give them what they want, rolling each one with my tongue and sucking them between my lips until your back begins to arch and my cock slides effortlessly into you. We move together, slow but urgently, passing sensation back and forth between us, building the pressure till one or both of us begins to come - it doesn’t matter which - we each want it so much for the other. One of us smiles with lust and whispers, “yes, come on, I want you to,” and the other gives way, lost in a rush of emotion-fuelled lust, riding like a surfer until the wave breaks over us, tumbling us together, softly smashing pleasure through one body while the other rides along with it, high on referred sensations, holding on, sharing the delight.
Washed up on the shore we rest, reassure each other, laugh and hold each other close till one of us needs more. It doesn't matter which. It never matters.
Was that how it was, will be, might be, or am I still living in a dreamworld? At least if I am, it has you in it.
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10
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Lovely Curvy Women
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Posted:Jan 13, 2011 3:26 am
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2011 3:46 pm
5957 Views
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It may not seem like it from a cursory read of my blog, but I am in fact aware that the female population was not designed solely for the purpose of giving me nice things to look at on TV and in the supermarket. However the Today news page made uplifting reading when I signed in this morning. Apparently the latest trend amongst famous and beautiful women is a fuller, more powerful figure.
I quote: “There is not a protruding collar bone in sight - instead they are all championing a hot new body shape: the Warrior Woman - strong, athletic, curvy and above all healthy. Ladies it's time to put on weight - the right way. This means forgetting about BMI and thinking about BPI - Body Power Index. 2011 is about 'feminine bulk' - toned abs and curves to boot.”
Well halleluiah and it’s about time. Ever since Liz the Amazonian Schoolgirl first slid her hand down the front of my jeans on the way home from the sixth form dance I have been a sucker for this kind of shape. No bones on show and plenty of toned flesh in a smooth, healthy, curving package. Fit. There just isn't anything to beat the soft curve of a shoulder under your hand, strong femine arms round your neck, the sleek power of legs that know how to run, or the faint outline of a hip under a covering of firm flesh as you bury yourself into the warmth of well curved woman.
Of course, this is just my physical preference. And physical attraction doesn’t go very deep for me. Once we are talking, it is what goes on in your mind that counts. But it would be nice to see this trend filter through into everyday life, and convince more women to be health conscious, instead of simply weight conscious. I don’t suppose it will stop some sections of the fashion industry looking for tiny little female frames to hang their latest frocks on, but if it means the CSI girls are going to be allowed to get curvier, then bring it on I say.
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12
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Should vegetarians swallow?
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Posted:Jan 7, 2011 6:27 am
Last Updated:Jan 19, 2011 9:17 am
5525 Views
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This question has occurred to me before, but has been prompted again by a post F4win put up [post 2513012] (in which she advised us that a teaspoon of sperm contains 5 calories. )
I mean seriously, lol, should vegetarians swallow?
I mean what does sperm count as? Do you regard it as meat? Or is it eggs?
Surely not Fish?
Perhaps you can think of it as something like a delicious white caviar? But it is definitely an animal product isn’t it, so I think vegans probably shouldn’t be giving any blow-jobs if they want to stay true to their chosen diet. Or can they make an exception?
What are your thoughts?
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7
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How I knew it was a Good Day
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Posted:Jan 6, 2011 9:29 am
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2011 3:57 am
5172 Views
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I knew I was having a good day when;
I forgot I had already sugared my tea, had two spoonfuls by mistake, but it still tasted good.
My toast fell on the floor jam side down and I only used one swear word.
I trod in the jam before cleaning the floor, but remembered to clean my shoe and not walk the jam round the house.
As I always say; it isn’t the mistakes you make which matter – it is what you do next that really counts. The problem is, I think that often depends on what kind of mood you were in!
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6
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The way We Dance
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Posted:Jan 5, 2011 2:02 pm
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2011 2:45 am
5485 Views
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Recently I have been being reminded of the joys of dance music by a younger woman who is twenty-five.
But I was taught to dance by an older woman called Linda. She was twenty-four. Looking back I can hardly believe I am saying this but she seemed much older to me at the time, but then I was only nineteen. Maybe it was because she had a two year old . This has nothing to do with what I wanted to blog about, but as soon as I started to write about dancing she came into my head. I can remember her footwork and the sinuous way she used to move her body even now. I remember being with her at the disco, she was the sexiest woman I had ever seen, and all the other men were always wanting to dance with her; it was such an amazing thrill that she wanted to dance with me.
I can also remember lying in her bed hoping her didn’t wake; how she told me no one else ever understood how to touch her gently enough, and how just the soft changes in her breathing told me how well I was learning how she liked to be touched. She wasn’t happy though, seeming to have a constant struggle with how she felt about life and although maybe she wanted to be with a nice guy like me, in the end she often couldn’t resist the darker charms of some bastard I didn’t think I could compete with. Of course, if I had known then what I know now, he probably wouldn’t have had a hope, lol, but in a way, though it hurt at the time, I am glad she let me go.
Probably what prompted this digression is that I was looking up some old tunes on line and I found some video clips of disco dancing in the late seventies and it brought back a flood of memories. One of the things I always loved was that not many men really wanted to dance – too self conscious maybe, but Linda gave me the confidence to just let the music play through me, and to move with it. I used to think I just did that, but looking back I know that even so my dancing was a product of the way other people danced back then. Do you remember how we used to move? It looks so dated now, lol. I loved the arms-in-the-air changes that came with house music in the eighties, but I could never imitate it – I just used to dance and watch the girls show off for me. When the seventies revival came in the mid nineties, none of my younger friends could believe I knew all the music so well. They used to clamour round asking me what to request from the DJs, lol.
All of this started going through my head on New Year’s Eve. I was driving, listening to Club Classics on Heart FM, and it was as if they were going through my play list. If the rhythm plays in you, dance music can become the soundtrack to your life, more even than other types of music, music that for sheer listening to, you might even prefer. I wanted to share my dance playlist with you. I have just spent too long reminding myself of these, but if you have time, check them out. (Make your own assumptions where the chronological gaps occur in the time line, lol.)
Barry White: “Let the Music Play”
Earth Wind and Fire: “Boogie Wonderland”
Odyssey: “Native New Yorker” (I fell in love with the idea of girl in the song. Where did all those yesterdays go? )
Candi Staton: “Young Hearts Run Free” (Why didn’t we listen? Please watch the Top of the Pops version introduced by Tony Blackburn, posted by “thevideojukebox” on u toobe. It makes me want to gather that Candi up in my arms and give her a big hug!)
Chic / Sister Sledge: (Oh which one…..so many…… I don’t know, “Good Times”, Everybody Dance,” Lost in Music,” ? ) I think I’ll go with “Everybody Dance.”
Bee Gees: “You Should be Dancing”
The Real Thing: “Can you feel the Force”
Incognito: “Always There”
Technotronic: “Pump up the Jam”
Livin Joy: “Don’t stop moving” (I would have liked to put “Dreamer” but it isn’t such a good song)
Black Box: “Ride on Time”
Snap: – “Rhythm is a Dancer” (An absolute classic )
ATB: – “9 pm till I come”
Kylie Minogue: “In Your Eyes,” “Love at First Sight”
Calvin Harris: “I am not alone”
Any Memories?
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10
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This Love of Words
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Posted:Jan 4, 2011 12:13 pm
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2011 11:39 am
5894 Views
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Some special people have come into my life just through the use of words on these pages, and I realized that this love of words is common to most of my blogging friends. This sets us apart I think.
How many times have you mentioned something about a great quote or some moving song lyrics to a friend in the real world and all you’ve got out of them is a bit of a blank stare? If you are like me, it’s loads of times – people just don’t listen to the lyrics, some barely notice them. A friend who gets it is a rare and special thing. Not so much here. Here everyone gets it. We might not love the same quotes, or quote the same lyrics, but we all keep posting them, ‘cos to us, they mean so much. And most of us who write blogs know how the right use of words can put a thought into your head which can be as much of a turn on as it might be to see the object of your lusts stretch an arm back over their head and arch their back in desire.
I tried to work out how many possible words there could be, and in the end I realized my maths isn’t up to it and I gave up. I started with 26 factorial, which 26 x 19 x 18 x 17 x 16 etc, which is about 4 billion billion, but then I realised that there aren't many 26 letter words, but on the other hand you can have repeated letters, which means millions more words, and although it wouldn’t be fair to include gyhtgs, or tiuhmk, I like the thought that there are millions of words which don’t mean anything yet, but they do sound as if they might be English, like glorch and faunder. What about pladet or madeau? They might mean something in French – I don’t know. If there are several billion billion possible words, you could start speaking them now at the rate of one a second and after a couple of thousand years you wouldn’t even have got past all the ones beginning with “A.” So there is a lot of scope yet for language.
To paraphrase Drew Barrimore’s lines in “Music and Lyrics;” (you know how I love Hugh Grant films,) the melody is like the visual impact someone makes on you when you meet them, but the lyrics are the personality; the thing that creates the meaning.
Here, as has been said before, we can only do it in words, and this year I want to write better, and read more of your words, here, where they are at their most seductive.
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