Italian Girl
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Posted:Jun 21, 2007 10:13 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2007 9:20 pm
1446 Views
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An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge . I will pay all costs and provide for your for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
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Joke... "Operation"
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Posted:Jun 18, 2007 9:52 am
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2007 9:34 am
1443 Views
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A surgeon goes to check on his female patient after her operation, she is awake and he examines her. ‘How long will it be before I can have normal a sex life again, doctor?’ she asks.
The surgeon hesitates and the girl becomes alarmed, 'What's the matter, doctor? I will be O.K., wont I?' 'Yes you'll be fine, ‘he replies. 'It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.
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First Wedding Night
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Posted:Jun 15, 2007 11:28 am
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2007 9:57 pm
1462 Views
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A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.
They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the groom removed his socks, his new wife asked,
'What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
'I had tolio as a ,' he answered.
'You mean polio?' she asked.
'No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes.'
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked,
'What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!'
'As a , I also had kneasles,' he explained.
'You mean measles?' she asked.
'No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.'
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
'Don't tell me,' she said. 'Smallcox?"
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My horoscope signs
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Posted:Jun 14, 2007 1:57 pm
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2007 1:56 pm
1536 Views
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Virgo
The person who stands away even in a crowd is definitely a Virgo. They are the person of reserve and analytical nature. They will create their own world. They love to reside there and assist people. They are mutable sun sign who love to shuttle from one corner to another.
They are ruled by mercury, the friendly planet. This is the speediest planet. Thus virgins or Virgo-s are supposed to have a magic wand to hush all troubles. They are a creative person who not only live in creativity, but also breathes originality. Lucky colors for Virgo-s are blue and beige. They often suffer from limbs problems and indigestion.
Virgos suffer from insecurity and restlessness. Take a deep breath and let the time take its own course.
Being an earth element, Virgos are practical and rational. Do not be over critical of others. You might need these people later in your life.
Perfectionism sometimes might be negative.
FIRE
Jan 21, 1966 to Feb 8, 1967
people have a balance of the best kind of qualities. Have you ever seen a wild on the beach, with flying mane and flaring nostrils, every muscle bursting with life and je ne sais quois? Without a doubt, the is the standard for grace, strength, rhythm and nobility. They have an amazing capacity for hard work. As a result, they know great success and financial security in their lifetimes. Often quite ostentatious, they enjoy being with large crowds and always seek out the grand and magnificent. They need people and have a weakness for those of the opposite sex. You can often find Horses at concerts, music festivals, and the Super Bowls of life.
Parsley Soup and Ginger Root are among the keys to good health!!
Through all the moons of many a year, the Fire is a dynamic creature, with a vigor that promises youth and freshness until the very end of life. The will and the spirit of the Fire cannot be broken. This goes through life with philosophical patience and the ability to bounce back from adversity no matter how dire the circumstances. In times of solitude, Fire Horses also have an insatiable need for intellectual stimulation and they satisfy their curiosity for learning through reading, listening, conversing, and travel abroad. Fire Horses make inspiring leaders, revered and respected. They encourage their subordinates with kindness and just the right degree of strictness and work well with people in all stations of life. Financial rewards fall in the middle ground, not too bad, not terrific, but always comfortable. Being in love with the Fire brings pure rapture. These noble Horses are generous with their love, with hugs and kisses. Loved ones always know where they stand because Fire Horses demonstrate every day through their actions the love they feel deep within. Each day is a soft and tender love poem.
Famous People: Duke of Windsor, Princess Margaret, Billy Graham, Igor Stravinsky, Bertrand Russell, Joseph Haydn, Barbra Streisand, Nelson Mandela, Anwar el Sadat, Neil Armstrong
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joke
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Posted:Jun 11, 2007 9:53 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2024 6:25 pm
1298 Views
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A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two , yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think
they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?
"I'm neither blind nor stupid", replied the greeter.
"I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."
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10 Tips on what to say to catch women!
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Posted:Jun 11, 2007 6:30 am
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2007 5:38 am
1364 Views
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What do you do when you see a woman you are attracted to? Do you run and hide? Do you use some canned line that you read on the Internet? Do you stand there in fear trying to think of the right thing to say? What is the right thing to do?
When approaching a woman, most guys make the mistake of thinking too much about what to say. They believe there's one magic line that will work in all situations. They rehearse this magic line, and when they deliver it, they hope the woman will become instantly attracted to them.
Unfortunately, rarely does this approach work -- because most of what you say is irrelevant. To catch a woman's attention, it is all about the confidence you display when approaching her.
Here are 10 surefire ways to intrigue her every time:
1. Observe something. Make a comment about something you observe in the environment. This is especially effective at the grocery store. For example, if she is ordering a turkey sandwich, ask her if the turkey is good here.
Make your comment immediate to the situation
Make your comment immediate to the situation and it will seem perfectly natural. No matter where you are, there is always something interesting to comment on.
2. Smile. This shows her that you are friendly and confident. A genuine smile not only feels good to you, but will put her at ease while creating openness in the interaction -- a requirement for building rapport.
3. Do not hesitate. If you hesitate in your approach, this tells her that you are not feeling confident -- an immediate turn-off. When you see her, walk over to her within a short period of time (the three-second rule). Show her you are a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.
4. Positive body language. If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk.
5. Not too fast. If you walk over too fast, you could likely trigger her internal alarm. A calm, casual approach is usually the best way to make her feel at ease with you.
6. Keep eye contact. Never be the first to break eye contact when you approach. If you do, this sends the message that you are not feeling good about approaching. When you use strong eye contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this.
7. Listen up. Make sure you pay careful attention to what she says. Do not have your response pre-thought out. Women love a man who pays attention to the details of what she says. If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast.
8. Do not fidget. Fidgeting after you approach is distracting and shows you are uncomfortable. If you communicate that you are uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable, too, and will close up. Practice being aware of your movements. Pay attention to those movements, or lack of movements, that communicate comfort and confidence.
9. Lighten your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is a very powerful tool. Approaching her in a light and playful tone is one of the best ways to start. You could also begin in a serious tone, accusing her of something like "
I hope you saved some tuna for me
I hope you saved some tuna for me," followed by a quick smile to let her know you are joking. Practice playing with your vocal tone with your friends -- notice the different reactions you get when you say the exact same thing using varied tones and fluctuations.
10. Lean away from her. A man who leans in too far when he talks often makes a woman feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away from her slightly. This lets her know that you respect her space, boundaries, and are comfortable with yourself.
The key to making these tips work for you is putting them into practice! Practice these tips and see the reaction you get. When you put them all together, you will be surprised at their power
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Joke
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Posted:Jun 10, 2007 6:28 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2007 11:12 am
1382 Views
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A woman comes home at 5 am. Her husband is waiting for her.
When she started undressing he asked her:"Where the fck have you been?"
She looked at him and said:"I got fucked up."
He asked:"What does that mean?"
She said:"Do you remember when you came home at 4am and I asked you the very same question and you said:"I got drunk"
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