Life begins at 40 !
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Posted:Oct 6, 2013 3:51 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2024 1:44 am
9148 Views
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Happy birthday to me, turning 40's a treat - it's great to be naughty, if there's fun then we'll see... 
Yes the ripe (not old) age of 40 has arrived and you know what? I've been looking forward to this for a while now. Well, the last year since I turned 39 anyway lol...
It's a great bench mark of personal achievement where I can look back and mull over all I've done to date, and realising there's so much more to do, start to plan the rest of my life's adventure
One thing I'm committed to doing much more of is working on my erotica writing, as I've had a few stories released already, but many more in bits and pieces scribbled in limbo waiting for that spark of inspiration to get them going.
Perhaps I just need to find someone to inspire me more so feel free to get in touch and chat and help me with a few ideas for story background!
Here's to the next 40 years, lots of fun, and advertures - CHEERS!
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Seen that face before...?
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Posted:Jan 15, 2013 3:01 pm
Last Updated:Feb 11, 2013 5:03 pm
11976 Views
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I was just logging in today and wondered if anyone has ever recognised the people shown on the front page of Gay Hookup Zone?
A thought occurred to me, 'what if someone you knew signed up to the site and found your picture on the front page?'
My first reaction in answering that would probably be that it'd freak me out a little, especially dependent on which profile picture I had active at the time, and how they were connected to me lol
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Christmas Greetings, and New Year amateur adult movie work surprises in Scotland!
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Posted:Dec 25, 2012 3:37 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2024 1:44 am
11691 Views
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Happy Christmas to all my Gay Hookup Zone friends and group chatters. Hope you're having a great day x
Hoping to do some simple screen tests for some amateur adult movie work in the New Year across Central Scotland, and looking for females only 18+ who might be interested. Prior experience not required.
General themes will include role-play work of boss/secretary, police/prisoner, and schoolgirl/teacher, with some other fantasies of which you will be able to offer some input too.
If you're interested, get in touch!
Cheers,
TumshieC x
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Strange new methods
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Posted:Dec 19, 2012 3:47 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2024 1:44 am
11715 Views
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So not content with charging me an extra month Gold subscription, without my consent (although I did get a free month in return, to thanks Gay Hookup Zone!), the website is now faking other people's emails to me in a bid to upgrade my account.
I'm not sure if this is an invasion of their privacy or my own, but surely sending emails while pretending to be someone else breaks a few laws in data protection???
But, are the women in question nice? Yes, very much so.
However, I've mailed most of these in the past and pretty much all have said they're not interested, or their accounts haven't been active in a long time. So the game is afoot!
As much as I'd like to upgrade to Gold again (why don't men get the Silver option??) this kinda puts me off as who knows whether the site uses my account to send out random mails to folk as well?
All very strange and a bit confusing...
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The 18 Hole CLub
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Posted:Nov 17, 2012 5:13 am
Last Updated:May 2, 2024 1:44 am
12024 Views
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You've heard of the Mile High Club, right? Yes, the one where people perform sex acts in planes, etc.
Here's a twist on that theme for you which I set up a number of year ago whilst working at a 5 star golf resort hotel, and no, I'm not recruiting for new members lol... (yet, watch this space) just sharing the theory behind it so you can try it with your 'friends'.
This must be played in the dark, or at least out of golf course opening hours late in the evening so as not to incur the wrath of course staff and golfers, or even police! It's very exciting for those who like outdoor spur of the moment sex too.
It is also imperative that if you organise an event like this that you know everyone taking part (private invitation), that everyone is consenting to how the game works with the expectations therein, and that there is also a clear "stop word" or acceptance that no-means-no and respect for that, so no-one is made to do something they don't want to with someone they don't like.
So assuming you're generally familiar with golf, and how golf courses have between 9 to 18 holes (term for target area for where you aim to get the ball to score in the game, in basic terms of course), everyone starts by standing at their own hole location on the golf course, and can either be as single players or partner up. Depends how you want to organise the event, and the types of people attending. I'd recommend starting with a smaller 9 hole event as it is less hassle to organise and you're more likely to get a balanced mix of people attending.
There's a few ways you can tailor this, but essentially the idea is that the golf course acts as a rotating wheel of players, and as the wheel rotates, you meet a new partner to play with.
In your rules, you can set the expectations for what happens, eg it could just be a fun and flirty snog and a cuddle, or it could be a mutual masterbation, performing oral, or full penetration, or even a mixture of all of them.
Obviously with so many partners, protection is advised and a policy of disposing of your used condoms responsibly.
The wheel can be run like this in say 15-20 minute cycles so that an hour of play time is better tracked.
1) Women only at each location, with the men partners rotating as the wheel clockwise.
2) Men only at each location, with the women partners rotating as the wheel clockwise.
3) Men move clockwise, women move anti-clockwise, so that everyone keeps active in case it's a cold night and no-one stands about waiting. Men might move two holes clockwise at a time, whereas women only move one hole anti-clockwise, for better variety.
No doubt at some point there will be a couple that meet who don't like each other, or for some reason aren't compatible, or one doesn't fancy the other enough to do anything. In which case there should be clear guidelines that no-means-no, and accept that fact.
If people start dropping out from the wheel then you need to reduce its size to restrict it to a lower number of holes.
See what ideas you can come up with, enjoy!!
TumshieC
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Half Naked Wednesday Wonderings
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Posted:Sep 18, 2012 3:07 pm
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2013 5:30 pm
12823 Views
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So here looms "Half Naked Wednesday", waiting in the wings like a death character from a silent movie.
The big question is, do I take part in "HNW" with my other network friends like 'Sinderella', or do I remain restrained and not post any special pictures...? x
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Getting there ;)
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Posted:Jun 27, 2012 5:27 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2024 1:44 am
12729 Views
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"Your profile is 69% complete"
- hell yeah! x
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To boldly go...
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Posted:Jun 27, 2012 5:19 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2024 1:44 am
12738 Views
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So after a massive break from this blog, I've come back briefly to say I've dabbled in making a video and since uploaded it.
Let me know what you think. I may even try some more. Also uploaded more pics too.
Cx
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"Dancing the night away"
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Posted:Aug 2, 2011 3:02 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2024 1:44 am
14228 Views
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It had been a great evening out, quite an adventure. Dancing, lots of dancing. Some drinking, but many laughs and so much fun. The young lovers had really enjoyed each others company and they didn't want their night to end. Leaving the club and discovering the heavy rain, they hugged close together. Thinking it was probably too wet now to stay out longer, they hurried off towards their hotel. It was a dark night, a black sky, and everything was wet.
Huddling in an alleyway, they got some shelter from the wind and rain, but it still poured and dripped off the buidling above them. It was colder than expected, and the woman snuck her hands inside the mans jacket for extra warmth, pulling the two of them closer. Somehow the wet was refreshing his lovely cologne around his neck and face, and as she clung to him in the rain she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck and breathed deeply.
The man returned the embrace by putting his arm around her shoulders and stroking her wet hair, kissing her head gently and cuddling her tightly. As he looked down into her eyes, their lips met, and they stayed in a warm lingering smooch.
The water fell in a steady trickle from high above them, dripping and splashing their faces, their hair, their clothes. It was a heavy, clingy rain that seemed to go right to the skin, but there was something magical about this. The dark, the rain, the subdued street lighting; it was strangely romantic, and the lovers drank deeply from each others mouths, lost in the moment. Their hands stroked each others faces, held and tugged at clothes, and once inside pressed against hot skin.
It was several minutes before the pair broke the kiss, and by now both of them were soaked through.
"Come on", the man said, "Let's get back to the warmth of the hotel", and they hurried off hand-in-hand. That kiss had triggered something inside of them and they could feel those butterflies rising again within. Both of them wanted out of the rain and into the warm privacy of their hotel room, and they knew what they wanted...
Once at the hotel, they bundled themselves into alift and sent it on its way, grateful for a few more minutes alone to kiss and fondle each other. They paused brielfy, locking eyes and breathing heavily; the unasked question on each others lips that didn't need answering.
"I want to go down on you, to taste you...", breathed the man first, and the woman took his head in her hands.
Whispering gently in his ear she replied "Mmmm yes, but I want you to warm me up and do your Tantric massage on me first... make me cum with your fingers".
(ding!)
The lift slid open and the lovers tottered out, across the corridor to their room, and desperately fumbled for their key. Once inside, they quickly closed the door and dropped their jackets where they had come in, turning at last to face each other in the intimacy of their suite.
The man pulled the wet hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear, trickes of water running down her face. Both of them were soaked to the skin and their wet clothes clung to them, highlighting every curve.
The man admired the fullness of her breasts through her damp top, and she could see the hardness in his trousers poking through. He pulled her close and their lips met gently, then firmly, his hands searching the wet folds of her clothes for buttons and clasps. Lifting her arms up he slid her top over her head and off, discarded to the floor. Unfastening her trousers, he let them slowly slide down to her ankles, and as he lowered down with them he kissed her teasingly on her underware, licking briefly at her pubic mound. She shuddered with eyes closed at his touch but composed herself to help step out of her trousers and socks. Cuddling her close again he stroked her hair, then unfastened her bra, gently pulling it away and gasping as her perfect breasts bobbed free and presented themselves. He stroked each one in turn and kissed her fully again. His hands now sliding down her back, pulling her against his straining cock through his trousers. His fingers slipping down her underware, sliding it down round her buttocks to the floor. He stood back in awe of her stunning figure and paused for a moment to admire her body, her curves, her delights.
"Now, undress me..." he finally said.
The woman stepped towards him with 'those eyes' she always made when she was highly aroused, and kissed him squarely on the jaw. She moved round his throat and neck, removing buttons from his shirt at the same time. She pulled at it, opening the front, exposing his chest, and her hands probed and stroked his firm pectorials. She sighed a breath as she touched and stroked him, feeling the curves of his muscle and twirling her fingers through his slight hair. Leaving the base of his shirt still tucked into the waist of his trousers, she pushed back the shirt, pulling it down over his shoulders onto his arms, and pinning them back. She marvelled at his chest, and began kissing it and teasing his nipples with little licks and sucks, causing him to flinch and twist.
"Aaaaah I'd forgotten about that weak spot", he squirmed...
"Yes, and I've found it for you too", she giggled, followed by "But I'm not done yet.."
With her long white nails she began tracing a figure-eight around each of his nipples, then around his pectorials, and down towards his stomach. He gasped and giggled, finding it so sensitive and arousing too. It was all so different being tickled on bare skin than through clothes.
"And what are you giggling at big boy? Hmmm? Let's see where he's hiding, shall we?"
At that, she dug deep in the top of his trousers and into his shorts, grabbing his erection and marvelling at its hardness, its thickness.
The woman wrestled his trousers open and pulled his cock into view, letting his garments fall to the floor. She cradled it, rubbing it's length and reached up to kiss the man fully on the mouth, to which he moaned at her dexterity.
His heart beat faster in anticipation as she lowered herself down to her knees, cradling his balls in both hands. She licked gently round his thick head and teased its rim making him flinch at the touch. Her hands were warm as she caressed his shaft, but it was those lips that he remembered kissing so well that made his knees weak as their hot softness slowly slid down over his firm hardness...
But the man stopped her there.
"Let me remind you that this night is all about you...", and he took her by her hand and lead her to the bed. His cock ached for her to continue but for now her pleasure was more important. He encouraged her to lie face down on the bed, and clambered up to lean over her, his hands beginning to work their magic over her neck, shoulders and back, making patterns and shapes of relaxation down her torso. He rubbed and kneaded her skin and she moaned softly as the burdens of the day disappeared. He moved his focus to her arms, and then to her feet, making his way back up her legs to her inner thighs and buttocks. He admired her body and leant down over her to cuddle her in a spoon, his still firm cock trailing down between her legs and beneath her buttocks.
The heat from his cock was incredible and the woman parted her legs enough for his cock to slip against her pussy. She wanted it, but wasn't quite ready to let it inside her yet. Just for a moment however, she wriggled her hips to let it rub across her opening, so he could feel how wet she was.
Smiling, he helped her roll over and get comfortable, stroking her hair. He knelt beside her, leaning forward to begin the massage across the front of her shoulders and chest, working down both arms again, stroking out each hand and fingers also. He returned to her chest making downward strokes with his palms across her breasts, the fronts, the sides, across her pert nipples, and underneath. He leant over, licking each nipple in turn, sucking it and biting gently to tease her, then blowing lightly across the wet, making her shiver and squirm as her senses went wild. Rubbing them down and round, he drew his hands down and round her stomach. From under her breasts to her tummy button and navel, he continued alternating the walking hand action on her skin, occationally kissing her there, until eventually he plunged his tongue into her tummy button, and sucked on her skin. He continued as she moaned and squirmed, although changed to move to her legs again and worked his way down by her hips to her feet, giving them a really good soothing after all that dancing. He worked her calf muscles and thighs, kneading the muscle and parting her legs as he clambered across to kneel between them, this time stroking either side of her pubic mound. The womans pussy and thighs glistened with trickling juice and he leaned down and trailed his tongue around her legs and loins.
His mouth embraced her pussy opening and sucked fully on her labia, whilst pushing his wet tongue inside her opening.
"I want you wet, very wet", he whispered, and now with his tongue at work on her, the woman's pussy was swollen and throbbing for more. He raised her knees and brought her legs up a little, before massaging her clitoris with his thumb. Slowly and firmly, he alternated between here and her pubic mound and navel again, working back and forth and asking her to clench and hold her pc muscles as he pressed firmly on her navel, then gently stirred around her lips again with his thumb. Her labia were swollen and he gently rubbed each side with his thumb and index finger to encourage hightening, causing her to call out as she tensed and released.
The time was ready for the first Yang position of the White Tiger Tantra and he cupped her pussy opening with his palm, yet with his middle and forefingers extended, which he inserted into her and begin rubbing against her clitoris, penetrating her lips, slowly stimulating her awakening. When he felt her relaxing more, he made a fist and extended his index finger and middle finger to point into her opening. The man reached as far back inside her as she was comfortable with and he brought his fingers up and back towards him inside her, to stimulate her g-spot. He was making little circles, massaging her from the inside and making little figure 8s inside her, then pulling forward again before changing hand position.
He was stimulating her g-spot, the inner walls of her vagina, and her labia were wide and wet. She moaned and called out, reaching for his hand as it pleasured her. From deep inside, she begin to feel the first waves of climax rising and the man encouraged her to keep her breathing steady, turning his hand over and encouraging her first cum squirt to flow. It pulsed as the waves of orgasm hit her and she gasped and writhed on the bed, her hips thrusting againt his hand, and as she came he stroked her breasts and nipples with his other palm, maintaining her all over sensitivity.
The man now inserted three fingers into her love and started making rolling motions that rubbed your inner walls and continued her rise to the next climax. The bed sheets were soaking and as she came again and again releasing all her pent up stresses and unrealised sexual energy, they embraced and kissed fully, passionately. He finally covered her with his body, fingering her gently to tease out the last of her ripples and bring her down slowly from her emotional explosion. The lovers continued their embrace with their hot and sweaty bodies clining together, kissing and stroking each others hair and faces, gazing into each others eyes. They lingered, there enjoying the calm of the moment, which allowed them to catch their breath.
The man playfully kissed her on her neck and ears, and she squirmed slightly, giggling. They exchanged little tickles and strokes down each others sides and their bodies wriggled together. He kissed her again round her neck and collar bones and changed his position on top of her to slide down, and continue teasingly kissing her skin, working his way down to her chest where he burrowed his face between her breasts.
Cupping each breast, he give her perky nipples some attention; sucking deeply and then more gently, nibbling slightly and flicking them with his tongue. He made swirling patterns around her nipples and licked all over her firm breasts. The woman surrendered fully to his touches and moaned softly to herself as he moved down to her stomach, plunging his tongue into her tummy button. She gasped as he licked it out and gently blew cool breath over her skin. Giving her breasts one last stroke, he kissed a trail down lower and lower, across her pubic mound and kissed her fully on her warm wet pussy lips...
Her whole body shuddered and she let out a whimper of approval, her own hands now upon her breasts, squeezing and rubbing them, pinching her nipples and massaging their rings. She squeezed her eyes tight shut and begged him not to stop.
The man's breath teased her flesh as he explored her, his mouth dancing around her inner thighs sparking twitches of erogenous energy that consumed her. As he kissed her upper legs, his hands rubbed and squeezed her; his thumbs massaging her skin in concentric circles. He trailed his wet tongue in a slow rainbow around her body, and she glistened now with a mixture of her own cum juice and his saliva. He could taste her, so sweet and fresh, and he lapped at her loins sending pleasure through her.
His tongue now probed her outer lips, so succulent and full, and he swirled it up and round across her clitoris.
She was panting in short, quick breathes now, the build up of excitement coming upon her again. She felt his tongue enter her slowly and begin a gentle rocking in and out, and with every push and pull her breathing seemed to match his motion. She was absorbed, and trembled at every stroke, a fire rising from deep within her. His tongue and mouth worked their magic, caressing her gently, then sucking on her labia and outer lips, and as he licked at her clitoris he inserted a finger deep inside her.
The woman cried out as the waves of climax flowed over her again, and again; her cum rushing down over the mans face in a sweet and salty reward for his hard work.
Her release excited him and he rubbed at his cock, ensuring its stature. He was so turned on by her pleasure and he enjoyed nothing more than seeing her face and body lost in the moment when they made love. He licked her pussy again, in upward strokes from her lower opening, upward to her clitoris, her lips wide and welcoming. Leaning above her now, he took his member and rubbed it against her thighs, around her groin, across her lips. Her skin was warm and wet, and he slid its head in her cum juice and rubbed gently against her opening. Her pussy was hot and soft against his skin and he probed against her, nuzzling her with the end.
Their eyes connected, and they kissed in firm deep passion as he entered her fully up to his length. She gasped at his girth, pulling him in close, clasping at his shoulders, and wrapping her legs behind him. They rocked with each other, him thrusting into her, and her bucking her hips up receive him, and the lovers began a rhythm that would take them higher still. They clutched at each other, rolling and shifting, kissing and chewing lips and ears, biting at shoulders and scratching backs, until both lovers vigorously came in an explosion of energy.
Exhausted, the couple lay gasping on their backs, then eventually turned to cuddle in a spoon embrace. They whispered between themselves and squeezed each other tight, relishing the closeness and intimacy as they lay in the darkness in each others arms.
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Time for Tantra
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Posted:Jun 22, 2011 2:03 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2024 1:44 am
14404 Views
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Tantric Intimacy Exercises
Use ritual to develop intimacy. Begin your journey with a ritual. This may be something as simple as feeding each other delicious foods or sharing a glass of wine in the nude. Some couples enjoy bathing together in order to attune to each other.
Take time to wash each other with loving care. Water relaxes the body and is a symbol of sexuality. Massaging each other is also an excellent way to fuse your energies. Or, read poetry to each other, dance, play, listen to music—work on developing new intimacy skills. Most importantly, use this time to communicate, sharing what you adore about each other. The idea is to help each partner feel loved and cherished.
In order to fully focus on each other (rather than on the goal of sex), some lovers experiment with various intimate rituals for several weeks before moving on to the next steps or engaging in intercourse. This is a wonderful way to strengthen the bonds of love and ignite passion.
Harmonize your breathing. "The only time we ever think about breathing is when we have trouble doing it, yet conscious breathing can be a powerful aid in sexual growth," according to sex therapist Marty Klein, Ph.D. of Palo Alto, California. Breathing exercises also quiet the mind and help you focus on each other.
Try this exercise: Sit quietly, cross-legged, facing each other. Rest your hands on your knees with your palms facing up. As you gaze into your partner's eyes, take soft, but deep breaths. Keep your eyes open, gazing beyond the eyes, into the soul. Although this may feel awkward at first, sustained eye contact is essential for building intimacy.
Now, pay attention to your breathing. Begin to breathe at the same pace, bringing air slowly in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Maintain eye contact while you breathe together. Practice this exercise until you can sustain eye contact and harmonized breathing for about 10 minutes. Then, you may move into the next exercise.
Experiment with erotic touch to fully appreciate your partner. This most pleasurable practice will help you become better lovers. Although you should continue to maintain eye contact, don't worry about keeping your breath synchronized. Breath will come back into play later. Guide your partner as you take turns stimulating each other. Describe exactly how you would like to be touched.
Share your desires in an encouraging way, making requests in a clear and loving manner. For example, ask your lover to caress your clitoris or penis (or any erogenous zone), encouraging him or her to apply more or less pressure, to stroke in a specific pattern, to use the tongue, etc. Thank your lover and let him or her know with words or sounds that you are enjoying this sensual touch.
Once you become comfortable with this process, you may wish to create a "pleasure chest." Include whatever excites you and your partner—a feather, vibrator, massage oil, blindfold, soft fabric, erotica and loving notes to each other are just a few ideas. As you pleasure each other, don't be shy about asking for something different. This is your time for appreciation, experimentation and for taking responsibility for your own fulfilment by asking for what you want.
From here, you may wish to embark on your own erotic journey. Create amorous adventures together, exploring new and creative ways to awaken each other's bodies and minds. Then, you will be ready for Tantric lovemaking.
Basic Tantric Lovemaking Techniques
The Tantric tradition emphasizes preparation for lovemaking. Erotic rituals such as those described above focus on exchanging pleasures, awakening the senses and allowing couples to communicate on deep physical and emotional levels.
During this time, lovers are able to establish an intimate connection that can be maintained and heightened as they transition into the sexual dimension. Intimacy exercises are a form of extended foreplay, helping titillate lovers for the sex that is to come and create the optimal conditions for Tantric lovemaking.
As you experiment with Tantric techniques, don't worry whether you are doing something the "right" way. Tantra does not judge right or wrong, good or bad. Ultimately, your pleasure is what matters most.
Moving Toward Sexual Bliss
As you transition into sex, the idea is to maintain a state of sexual ecstasy for as long as possible. Tantric lovemaking is not result-oriented, but rather, timeless and unstructured.
Maintain a deep level of intimacy. Continue to gaze into each other's eyes as much as possible. Sprinkle your lover's face, neck and shoulders with light kisses and whisper words of love and encouragement. Help each other feel loved and desired.
Keep it slow. A long, slow build helps men control orgasm and piques women's arousal. According to Tantric teacher, Robert Frey, the longer you linger in this process of building energy, the longer men can resist ejaculation. During this time, focus on each other. If your thoughts should wander, gently bring your attention back to the present, concentrating on your lover and the magic of the moment at hand.
Bring your attention back to your breath. Resist the urge to breathe quickly. Quick breathing or panting creates arousal, speeding you toward orgasm. Instead, take long, slow, deep breaths from the belly, exhaling gradually. You may match your breath to that of your partner, or try breathing alternately—as you inhale, your partner exhales. This moves energy back and forth and connects you to your lover.
Vary your positions to explore your duality. Different sex positions add to sexual pleasure and balance male and female energies. When lovers release themselves from gender roles, they are free to engage in deeper, more intimate sex. Men realize their sexual potential through surrender, by being soft and open, gentle and vulnerable. Women, in turn, can direct and initiate. As you experiment with different positions, some male-dominant, some female-dominant, explore your capacity to be strong and gentle, generous and receptive.
Multiple Orgasms for Men
Tantric sex distinguishes between the experiences of orgasm and ejaculation. Although they often happen at the same time, men are capable of having orgasms without ejaculating. Ejaculatory control is what makes it possible for Tantric lovers to capture and extend the magical energy of orgasm. By holding back, men can experience a series of "mini-orgasms."
This does not mean that you are never to ejaculate, but that you can control your climax. The essence, say Tantric experts, is to catch a wave of energy and to surf the edge without going over. Use these strategies to stay atop the wave:
Pump the PC muscles. The pubococcygeal (PC) muscles, which run from your public bone to your tailbone, are the ultimate sex muscles. These are the same muscles used to stop the flow of urine. If properly conditioned, the PCs enable you to stop ejaculation while continuing to enjoy sex. Kegel exercises are the best way to tone the PCs.
Here's how: Contract your PC muscles three times per day, squeezing 20 to 25 repetitions. This is a simple exercise that you can do at anytime. Just don't overdo it. After a month of conditioning, try to extend the squeeze, holding each contraction for two seconds. Gradually work up to 10 seconds. Once your PCs are in top shape, you will be able to pump them in order to ride the orgasmic wave without gliding over the brink too soon.
Relax. Although it sounds paradoxical, it's important for men to stay relaxed during high states of arousal. If you feel the undulations of ejaculation, take a slow, deep breath and stop making love long enough for your arousal to subside. Relax and try to direct energy from your penis up through your body.
Take this time to talk to your partner or to draw several slow, deep breaths. By experimenting, you will discover how much "time out" you require before catching the next wave. The idea is to allow yourself enough time for the intensity to subside, but not so much that you lose your erection.
Put it all together. When you and your partner make love, thrust slowly, allowing your arousal to build gradually. Before your excitement mounts, relax for a moment, tighten your PC muscles and take a deep breath. Resume your lovemaking, continuing to generate excitement.
Then, relax again, hold your PCs and breathe. Continue to ride this swell until you near the crest. Then, open your eyes, clamp down on your PC muscles and take a deep breath to experience the joy of orgasm without ejaculating. Since these techniques take practice, expect a few "wipe outs" before you achieve mastery.
Freeing Female Orgasm
It is often said that a woman's most powerful sex organ lies between her ears. Since desire can be short-circuited by fear, guilt, stress and a host of other distracting thoughts, women often need to concentrate on feeling rather than thinking when making love. Taking breaks to pleasure each other, manually and orally, is a great way to ward off any lingering diversions and to coax one or more orgasms.
Clitoral stimulation. Most women require stimulation of the clitoris and labia (the inner lips surrounding the clitoris) during sex to reach orgasm. Prolonged clitoral touch with a gentle, patient hand is, for many, the key to sexual ecstasy. Use sounds and positive words to guide your lover, showing your partner how to stroke you just so.
The sacred spot. The mythic Grafenberg Spot (G-spot) is referred to in Tantra as the "sacred spot." This potent and mysterious erogenous zone is located about two to three inches up on the front side of the vaginal channel. When your lover is aroused, slip your ring finger into her vagina allowing your fingertip to brush against the inner wall.
The G-spot is between the size of a pea and a quarter with a slightly rippled texture. For some women, though not for all, gentle stimulation can induce powerful orgasms and even female ejaculate. However, take care not to over-stimulate this sensitive spot.
A School of Many Courses
According to Tantric philosophy, lovers who have practiced these ancient techniques can learn to direct sexual energy through the body's "chakras," or energy centers. Moving the energy of orgasm through these physical channels is thought to create sensations of ecstasy throughout the body and to enhance health.
There is much to learn about this ancient art. "Tantra is a school of many courses in which there are many levels of study and an unlimited degree of potential for spiritual gain, for sexual delight, and for worldly success," state Charles and Caroline Muir, authors of "Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving." Although they caution that Tantra does not promise instant results, for couples who wish to enrich their relationship, these practices "can release a particular kind of energy that can bring about harmony...and increase sexual pleasure and intimacy."
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"Maintaining your motivation"
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Posted:May 4, 2011 6:08 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2011 6:14 pm
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"Without inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant, there is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks".
- Johann Gottfried Von Herder
Motivation has a funny way of coming and going, making you feel either pumped-up and on fire, or lethargic and deflated. It can be really difficult to stay motivated and focused on the task at hand. Thankfully you can make a start on any changes you want to make without necessarily getting yourself fully motivated, as motivation often comes after you’ve taken the first positive steps towards what you want to do, and you feel more inspired to continue it. This month we’ll be looking at ways to build motivation and encourage yourself, so you can continue working towards your goals.
A while ago I spoke to a large team of technical staff from a University as part of an on going software development project. Everyone attending had been in team meetings each week, a daily planning awareness session every morning, plus any ‘as-and-when’ meetings as things went on. Apart from some of the more jovial characters in the room, it was plain to see that moral was dead-low. No-one had confidence in what they were doing, or that it would be successful. They expected a disaster, and had accepted this failure in their minds. It was almost like they were saying “Why are we bothering with another planning meeting, when things aren’t working?”. And you know something? I couldn’t blame them with what they’d been put though by the overseeing manager, who had so badly managed things that the team was thoroughly demoralised. Worse than that, they were now in danger of missing their target date for the launch of their software, and due to the nature of the high expectations on this team, that spelled out ‘job losses’ in big letters! Not a pretty situation to be in.
As their new project manager, I had every interest in seeing them motivated for what was ahead of us. I had to shift that negativity that was hanging over them and get them focussed again. Quite often the best thing to do when you have a block like that is to step back and change your focus, looking at things from a different angle. I decided this was a great opportunity to use a few team-building games to get their minds away from the rising pressures of the office. The game/exercise I used was simple enough but very effective, and involved everyone splitting into pairs and giving themselves a ‘team-name’, coming up with 5 positive things they didn’t previously know about each other, a ‘mission statement’ that best described their mini-team, and finally they had to present this to the larger group. They also had to hold a spongy stress-ball above their head for a minute and pass it on to the next person when the time was right. What was the point of this? Simply a break from the normal routine allowed them to regroup as a stronger team, so they went back to work with lifted spirits and clear heads. It then demonstrated multitasking, investigative/brainstorming, and communication skills. I also used this session to encourage them and tell them how pivotal they were to the entire process, showing them how valued they actually were. From having felt devalued and failures, they now had enough fresh enthusiasm to sit with me and workout where the project gaps were, and what we needed to do to get things back on target.
After our session they were excited, highly motivated and charged up. I knew that these individuals would bring a renewed energy and drive to their work which would make them more effective. It reminded me how motivational a conference, training workshop or corporate gathering can be. It reinforced the importance of participating in sessions like these on a regular basis, if for no other reason, but to ignite our own personal motivation. Life can be tiring, stressful and challenging, and we are often required to wear many hats at the same time - parents, main 'bread-winner', students, family carer, cook, cleaner, etc; the list goes on and reflects just about every walk of life. It is not uncommon for us to feel drained of our energy and motivation, regardless of how much we get from our lives. The fact remains that if you do not take time to recharge your batteries and refresh your perspective, it is easy to find yourself frustrated and disillusioned. That is why it is important to have a personal motivation plan in place. This means taking advantage of opportunities that will help you maintain your motivation. Here are a few suggestions to help you develop and maintain your motivation.
1) Use positive statements
It’s possible to speak powerfully into peoples lives depending on how things are presented to them, and there is an awesome power (and responsibility) behind the spoken word. For example, when an audience is addressed by a public speaker, they are there to listen and take on board what is being said to them. You can do the same to yourself; build yourself up to any challenges ahead by speaking powerful words of encouragement into your life. Try to do this everyday and give yourself a pat on the back for every good thing you’ve done. Remind yourself how effective you are in your life, job, relationship or family situations, for example. You could consider achievements in your life like passing exams, graduating, success in your career, becoming a parent; all fantastic benchmarks in a persons life. Tell yourself how committed you are to changes for the better, reminding yourself of important goals you’re working towards.
2) Reject negative beliefs
Something we all battle with is negative belief, either from others spoken about us (and remember the power behind spoken words, even negative ones), or by ourselves too. We’re just as guilty for giving ourselves a hard time about something as anyone else. If you find yourself doubting your self-worth, ability, or personal values, you need to realise the damage it can do and stop it going further because all it does is bring you down and de-motivate you; it’s counter-productive. The same applies with what others say too. Choose to reject what is said to allow you to rise above it and move on. Of course, if there is a real issue then deal with it and address the situation. Seek help with things that are out-with your control or ability to deal with them.
3) Attend a personal development workshop
These kinds of workshops are an amazing opportunity for personal growth and learning more about yourself. They are often presented by coaches who will encourage you, motivate you, and help you identify potential areas of change in your life; demonstrating important ‘life-skills’ for dealing with a variety of subjects including confidence building, managing finances, your career, health & wellbeing, balancing your work/home
lives, or being more assertive in nature. Why not identify an area in your personal life that you would like to change or improve and seek out a workshop that addresses that kind of thing. These group workshops are often easier to face than a more personal one-to-one with a Coach, as your level of interaction is purely up to you, and has the advantage of helping you see things from a different perspective. A new training program, night course, or weekend seminar that focuses on a specific topic can give you a much needed boost in your energy as well.
4) Exercise
If like me you exercise regularly but have to do it around other commitments and work, you’ll recognise the importance of scheduling your training time; for as soon as you begin missing sessions you will notice a decrease in your personal motivation. Regular exercise helps your body work more effectively and efficiently, lifts your spirits, and gives you a clear and focussed mind. Exercise is also a great way to relieve stress,
channel your thoughts, and even generate creative ideas. If you’re a bit over-weight, you’re in danger of starting to feel more lethargic and less motivated. Listen to what your body is telling you and work out a plan to get exercising again, progressing little-by-little until you feel the inspiration coming back.
5) Read or listen to motivational material
We all need a bit of inspiration and encouragement once in a while, and what better source to get it from as a special book, website, or audio feature. Instead of reading the daily newspaper with breakfast or coffee in the morning, try reading some inspirational material instead. A well-written book that offers good advice on practical living is more motivational than reading about the financial downturn. Listening to motivational
CD’s in your car on the way to and from work could actually improve your day ahead and lift your spirits. It’s also good uninterrupted personal time that will help you reflect and learn. Why not look for audio files of specialist speakers to add to your mp3 player for the next time you’re going to be walking somewhere.
6) Take time out
How often to you say “I’m too busy to take time off”? When the pressures of work, family, or self-employment begin to take their toll on your life, you can often begin to feel the walls closing in a bit. You suddenly feel desperate for a change and tend to be more reactive than proactive in the way you handle things as you lose focus. Taking time away from these pressures helps to recharge your batteries and gives you boost of energy to tackle things again. Even if you can’t take a week or two off, try considering a long weekend, especially when a bank holiday is near where you may potentially have a four-day weekend! You may have hundreds of messages to deal with when you return, but you will have a renewed focus and energy to do this.
7) Lastly, associate with positive people and get yourself a mentor
Make it a point in life and career, to distance yourself from negative individuals. They drain your mental energy, won’t support your goals and dreams as you would like, and won’t motivate or support you properly through challenging times. On the other hand, positive and optimistic people will lift your spirits, encourage and inspire you. As you interact with positive people, take a moment to consider what it is that makes them different. Listen to what they say and try and identify what special traits they have. Pick up words and body language that they may use and add this to your own traits. Don't mimic or copy people, as that just becomes a false presentation of who you are. Merely identify what you can use to make yourself more effective in daily life and work. A Mentor is a person much like a positive role-model, whom you might look up to in life and may be someone influential at your workplace, a close friend or family member, even a neighbour or community leader; someone that you can learn from and who will make it their duty to encourage and support your development.
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"How to energize your day"
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Posted:Apr 25, 2011 5:21 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2012 3:09 pm
14507 Views
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"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall". - Confucius
For many of us who may sit at a desk all day and not really get the chance to move about much, a little extra energy to kick-start us and keep us going would be really beneficial.
Do you work at a computer or use a phone regularly? Do you find yourself staring at a screen for long periods or tilting your head to hold the phone under your chin? Not the most comfortable of positions and more likely to contribute to tiredness. There is however a few simple things we can do to help us feel more energized while we work, and will improve our general sense of well-being.
- Get the blood flowing -
A little light stretching – If you tend to be a bit self-conscious, you may wish to consider doing this when there are less people about; like first thing in the morning, or before you arrive at work. Lift your arms over your head, stretching straight up and raising your shoulders as far as they will go. Tilt your body gently side to side. Relax slightly and roll your neck slowly, then your shoulders. A bit of self massage always does wonders, so straighten up your posture and rub your lower back for about a minute, either side of your spine. You’re trying to promote the blood flow in these areas and in all of those joints that have been sitting rigid and stiff. The effects will be very beneficial.
Quick walks – The next time you are able to take a toilet break, why not a quick walk round the outside of the building. A quick blast of sunshine and fresh air will do you good. Don’t use the excuse of not having enough time. It’s just a quick 5 minutes, and you’d be back before you’re missed. Of course the longer the better, but you are limited to taking what you can, when you can. Even if it’s raining, don’t be put off.An alternative to going outside might be using the stairs to walk or run up and down a few flights where you can. When we exercise, the brain releases chemicals called endorphins, and these help elevate mood and energy. The aim here is to prompt this process into action so even with a few minutes of exercising here and there throughout the day; we can still get sustained energy.
Breathing exercises - Sit up straight, close your eyes and place your hands just above your waist. Inhale gently through your nose without expanding your upper-chest. Instead, let your lower-chest and stomach inflate. Allow the air to flow fully down the back of the throat and into the depths of your lungs and stomach. Then exhale forcefully through your mouth and draw your lower-chest and your stomach in. Repeat 10 times.
- Fuel your body properly -
Yes, your body works like an engine! – and believe it or not it works better or worse depending on what ‘fuel’ you put in your ‘tank’. Naturally it goes without saying that the better the quality of the fuel/food you take in, then the better your body functions. For example, foods in their natural state like fresh fruit and vegetables will give you more energy, whereas highly processed foods will sap energy from you. Have you ever eaten something really heavy or filling and you’ve felt very bloated and lethargic afterwards? In the same way, eating something healthier will give you a natural boost, help cleanse your system, and increase your immune system. Which one sounds better? Slow and sluggish, or alert and active?
Snacking is a good way to keep your energy levels up, and having portions of fruit and veg that you can spread out will help keep you going during the day. Seeds and nuts are also great things to snack on because of their high levels of both ‘healthy’ fat and protein, and they have the added advantage of making you feel full too. A great tasting and healthy snack could consist of chopped vegetables into batons, with a dip like cous cous or hummus, or even some cracker bread with cream cheese and tomatoes. Snacking on junk foods that are heavy in carbohydrates is a bad idea as it just sits in the pit of your stomach as you’re generally inactive during the day, and it takes longer for things to digest. So avoid things like sugary donuts, sweets, crisps and cookies when you can.
- Add a little fun to your day -
We’ve all seen those work-places where no-one speaks and everyone’s head is down, hard at it. Do you think these people find their work fulfilling? This isn’t an inspiring environment to be in and could easily be one of targets and high pressure. The day would just drag in if the atmosphere was too dry and formal. Sometimes it has to be this way of course depending on the job, but where there’s an opportunity, why not add a little spark? It could be as easy as just interacting with your colleagues when it’s appropriate.
As simple as this is, it’s an effective way of relieving boredom, building a stronger team, and sharing knowledge amongst the staff. Even if the work-place isn’t a good place for chatting, having lunch with your colleagues occasionally helps to lighten the mood and takes the edge off clock-watching for home time.
These simple but effective tips should encourage you to make the most of your snack times and work environment to help you stay alert and focused. Try to adopt them into your daily life and see what a difference they can make!
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"How to be confident when others mistreat you"
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Posted:Apr 25, 2011 5:05 pm
Last Updated:Apr 25, 2011 5:15 pm
7289 Views
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"No road is too long for him who advances slowly and does not hurry, and no attainment is beyond his reach who equips himself with patience to achieve it". - Jean de La Bruyère
Knowing how to be confident in the face of many different situations is a vital skill that will really benefit your life, and learning how to gain confidence is easier than many think.
Many successful people are recognised as being very confident. They have learned how to gain or boost their confidence, and they understand how important it is when faced with conflict or resistance with other people. There may be times when others will treat you unfairly when you don’t deserve it. Do you know how to stay confident when this happens, and can you keep your composure?
When something nasty is said about us or to us, it can really give us a jolt, and the resulting blow to our self-confidence often makes us more likely to retreat a little and dwell on the negative and critical comments as if they really matter. We can sometimes fuel this further without realising it by thinking negative thoughts about ourselves too. Instead of brushing off the negative comments, we dissect them and try to work out what caused them by examining ourselves and making comparisons.
Improving self confidence starts with a positive attitude. Without making the choice to stay positive, you are reinforcing the fact that you have little or no self-confidence, and accepting your situation. Whatever has been said, you are still the same special person you were before - smart, caring, interesting. What they say can’t take that away from you!
You can learn how to be confident enough to boldly tell the world who you are and what you have to offer it. You are ‘you’, and should not be shaped by others poor expectations. You can only improve upon yourself, not slide backwards and accept defeat. Here are a few examples of ways we can be successful, bold, confident people again.
1. One of the most important things to remember is not to wait for others to ‘allow’ you to build your confidence again - take control of your confidence right away, and make the decision to be strong and not let what they say bring you down. Sometimes it’s nothing personal and you just may be the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time, especially if they’ve had a bad day. You can still be confident despite their attitude towards you. It's possible to diffuse the heated exchange by slipping a few sociable questions into the conversation at an appropriate point and may pull them out of their bad mood when someone actually takes an interest.
2. If you want to be confident, you have to stop taking things personally. Once you realise that some people are just really bad communicators and have issues of their own, you can disassociate yourself from what they’ve said to you. Even if you feel like it, don't rise to an argument and respond in kind. Avoid replying with more negative feeling as this will just sap your energy and serve no purpose other than to drag you down as well. Rise above it and stay positive.
3. Taking deep breathes helps to regulate your breathing if you’ve been upset and start to feel panicky. It gets oxygen into our bodies at a regulated rate and helps to calm us down. As you breathe in, consciously stick out your chest, pull in your stomach, and keep your back straight. Your posture will improve and you will visually appear more confident to those around you. Once we are able to think clearly again we can re-evaluate our circumstances and take any appropriate action.
4. Knowing how to be confident is easier when you accept that others face and deal with the same challenges; it’s not just you and the world isn’t falling down around you. Your friends, your family, and your colleagues at work have probably experienced the same thing. When we face rejection or criticism it can hurt us and cuts deep in our feelings. But don’t give up! You have the ability to stay focused and confident in the face of what is said against you, and you can still feel good
because you choose to, and you have that power within you! Instead of listening to commentary on what you can’t do and taking it onboard, focus on what you ‘can’ do and rejoice in your skills and other abilities that make you special.
5. Set goals in life and work. Stay focused on these goals and what you have to do to achieve them. This is critical when working on how to be confident. With a little self-help and a clear head, you can overcome your feelings of inadequacy and learn how to gain confidence. Before long, you will be confident more often than you are not. What you want to aim to portray is an image of someone who is in control of themselves, level headed, and someone worth knowing.
These simple but effective tips should help you stay focused and calm when faced with negativity from other people. Try to adopt them into your daily life and see what a difference they can make!
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