The pitter patter of little feet
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Posted:May 12, 2005 1:20 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2459 Views
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Ah.. I look back on the many memories of my life. One of the most memorable memories (reported to the department of redundancy department, already, so no need to point it out) was coming home and hearing the pitter patter of little feet. My ex was having an affair with a midget.
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Unknown..as far as I know
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Posted:May 12, 2005 12:59 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2306 Views
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This post contains no meaningful content ....has no subject, makes no sense, even to me, a pretty much senseless person to start. If this post can "pass the muster" then you have to wonder how and why any post is denied.. Thank you A double F post checkers. Shit Piss Cock Cunt Pussy Ass Bitch .
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Excerpt from Dr. Phil...
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Posted:May 12, 2005 9:38 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2547 Views
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Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small . "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your 's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your 's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
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Fishing on the Hudson
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Posted:May 10, 2005 9:50 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2706 Views
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OK.. this is an "everyday" thought. The stripers are running on the Hudson. We fished yesterday near Kingston, NY. Monitoring the maritime radio stations, it seemed apparent that it was a slow day for everyone. We caught 4.. I got a 30 lb. mule and one of my buddies missed a good one... it bent the hooks and shook off...didn't even get to see it, but had to have has some size to bend the hooks on the lure. If anyone is interested I can recommend the lures that worked yesterday. If you do not have a boat, but want to go out for a day, I can recommend a good, inexpensive guide. Email me.
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Hard at work..no ..NOT working hard...HARD ..
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Posted:May 8, 2005 12:57 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2633 Views
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..at work...watching web cams. I am trapped here.. there is some %@#*&^ bike race going on and the access road is blocked. I have nothing better to do than write some more in my blog.
Does anybody have an interesting resume? I have worked on the Alaskan pipeline project, written software code for nuclear missile guidance systems, sold life insurance (OK..was employed as a saleman.. did not sell much), was employed as an interstate tractor trailer driver, have 2 B.S. degrees (neither initial stands for a 4-letter word), have been a librarian, worked for a wholesale food distributor, have done some database work, have been a heavy equipment operator, am a Phi Beta Kappa, do some web page work, have been employed as a consultant, have been employed as an educational tutor, have worked in a paper mill, have top secret clearance from "the government", do "help desk" computer work, have worked as a garbage man and owned a junk yard
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Ok... I started in a cheerful mood...
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Posted:May 8, 2005 12:29 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2458 Views
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..now I am getting a little frustrated... AF F will not let me add a post OR delete a post. I wonder if there really is a bot that detects "bad" posts or if there is some sadistic little bastard who actually pays to be allowed to screw with blog posts to put people in a bad mood...
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Can a spastic with achromatopsia ever color coordinate?
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Posted:May 8, 2005 11:53 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2680 Views
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Words are fun. Does anyone have a favorite expression? One of mine is, "Up sh*t creek without a paddle" I have to wonder just what kind of person would go boating on that particular tributary in the first place. Shouldn't "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" be "Absence makes the heart go yonder"?
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese..
Sticks and stones will break my bones, but the "blog censor" REALLY pisses me off...
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A Tribute to Mothers
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Posted:May 8, 2005 5:17 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2248 Views
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M.O.T.H.E.R.
"M" is for my favorite female parent
"OTHER" is for all of the other stuff.
OK..have to write this off to human error. I keep getting a message that there is something insulting, rude crude or otherwise "bad" with this post..
Your post has been denied (e.g., short, bad languages, solicitation, personal information and human error). Update your post for re-approval.
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I am confused...by..
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Posted:Apr 28, 2005 2:55 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2056 Views
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.. Women whose screen names are a variation of "virgin slut"
.. 20 something male blogs whose author claims to be a virgin, but is giving advice about tantric sex, what women want, etc.... are women that naive.. or is he creating female personae to respond to his inane blathering? Why is he allowed to continue living..? He is a waste of bandwidth
.. Tv commercials selling a product that will stop you from having to get up in the middle of the night too pee..side effects vomitting and diarhea.. you do not have to get up to pee..just to puke and/or take a dump
.. sleeping aids whose side effects are drowsiness.. DUH
.. women on Gay Hookup Zone who are offended by men looking for "just sex"
.. almost anything French
.. why the "most popular" blogs are basically conversations between 2 or 3 people
.. if Eric's "axe" is that broad..why does he need to tell us?
..why so many people here do not have any sense of humor (humour) at all
.. why women are not flocking to my profile..OK..I know that one..
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Rules and Expectations: Gender Specific Guidelines
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Posted:Apr 26, 2005 3:31 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2156 Views
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Rules and expectations for women
· Men cannot type. They often type, “I am single” when what they were trying to type was, “I feel single” or, “I am 33” when they meant to type, “I don’t look a day over 33”
· Men are forgetful. When they say, “This picture was taken in the Summer”, they might forget that it was the Summer of ‘97
· Men are prone to illness and misfortune. You have exchanged endless emails with them and have decided to meet. You arrive are 10 minutes early and wait…and wait…and wait. Finally, after an hour has past, you decide that he is a “no show”. You go home to check your phone/email messages. Nothing. He returns your email 3 days later to inform you that (choose all that apply) 1)He came down with the flu and had to be rushed to the ER, 2)He totaled his car (but luckily was able to find ANOTHER green Toyota) and the impact somehow disabled the cell phone 3)His aunt, uncle, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, niece, nephew, grandmother, grandfather or next door neighbor dropped dead suddenly. Under the circumstances, you can understand why he did not contact you to cancel.
· Men sometimes are not what(who) they seem to be. See above.
Rules and expectations for men
· Women cannot type. They often type, “I am single” when what they were trying to type was, “I feel single” or, “I am 33” when they meant to type, “I don’t look a day over 33”
· Women are forgetful. When they say, “This picture was taken in the Summer”, they might forget that it was the Summer of ‘97
· Women are prone to illness and misfortune. You have exchanged endless emails with them and have decided to meet. You arrive are 10 minutes early and wait…and wait…and wait. Finally, after an hour has past, you decide that she is a “no show”. You go home to check your phone/email messages. Nothing. She returns your email 3 days later to inform you that (choose all that apply) 1)She came down with the flu and had to be rushed to the ER, 2)She totaled her car (but luckily was able to find ANOTHER green Toyota) and the impact somehow disabled the cell phone 3)Her aunt, uncle, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, niece, nephew, grandmother, grandfather or next door neighbor dropped dead suddenly. Under the circumstances, you can understand why she did not contact you to cancel.
· Women sometimes are not what(who) they seem to be. See above.
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Are we REALLY that innocent??
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Posted:Apr 24, 2005 11:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2192 Views
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Please do not read between the lines or comment without reading the entire piece. This is not about sex; I have read people complaining about blogs that do not have much to do with sex. If you are not interested, go to another blog.
I am almost never serious when writing or commenting on a blog, but I am being serious in this one. 911 will forever be remembered as the second, tho perhaps more infamous "day of infamy"
A few points to remember:
1)Twenty years ago, if anyone in the US had spoken of Osama Bin Laden, he would have been called a "freedom fighter" . We (United States) sent him and his cohorts arms and money becuse he was fighting against the Russians.
2) We(United States) have a long history of supporting brutal dictatorships if it is "good for business"
3) We (United States) bombed civilian targets in Viet Nam
4) We (United States) ignored, if not directly encouraged our own terrorist group right here in the US for over a century. What terrorist group? The Ku Klux Klan. I can understand ( not support) terrorists who only can fight a much more powerful enemy using terrorist tactics, but not a more pwewrful group using terrorist tactics to "fight" a less powerful group.
5) The US was founded by people who would have been called terrorists in their day, if there had been such a word. The Revolutionary War was the first in modern history where "guerilla" tactics were used. Previous to then, armies faced each other in long straight lines and fired away. There was no way the Revolutionary Army could defeat the British that way, so they hid behind rocks and trees ( makes sense now)
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How the Earth was saved by TV, Blogs and Gay Hookup Zone
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Posted:Apr 13, 2005 10:43 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2248 Views
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The following is a transcript of a conversation intercepted by SETI. I am not at liberty to divulge how this transcript was obtained. Comments that I interject will be in red, comments by the government translator will be denoted by (*comment*). -BG
(*Recording of this conversation began in mid conversation. A team of translators, linguists, and encryption experts from a number of government agencies was assembled to attempt to translate the recording. There is no similar language on Earth. The translation to follow is the best approximation that the team could agree upon. We are not able to determine upon which planet the conversation took place; the boys at SETI should be able to point you in the right direction. We were able to discern multiple speakers through wave pattern analysis, but the individuals’ surnames are untranslatable/unpronounceable. The individuals are identified either as “Commander” or “Soldier1”, Soldier2”*)
This is how the transcript that was obtained begins
Soldier1: … cannot be sure. After we intercepted their original broadcasts we thought that they (*Earthlings*) were dangerous because they were invisible(* radio broadcasts??*) and now…
Soldier2(interrupting): Do not try to blame me for THAT Soldier1.
Commander: Enough! Let’s stick to the present topic. What new information do we have and what does it mean?
Soldier1: The transmissions that we recently received show that the Earthlings are NOT invisible. (*television signals?*). It also shows that the males of the species are complete idiots. They are constantly doing something foolish only to be saved by the female of the species. (* TV commercials?*)
Soldier2: True, but we did observe one male who could create a nuclear device from pencil shavings, egg shells and chewing gum.
Commander: Can we identify this individual?
Soldier2: Yes, Sir. His name is McGiver.
Commander: Great work! What do we know about the female of the species?
Soldier1: They rule the planet. They all possess an animal which gives them power over the males.
Commander: Interesting. Do the males possess this animal?
Soldier2: No sir. Only the females. The males are in charge of grooming these beasts.
Commander: What do they call this animal?
Soldier2: It goes by a variety of names. Our translators had some difficulty with this at first. It is called , cat, pussy, kitty, kitten or clit. Apparently the males groom these animals with their tongues and are desperate to obtain a cat of their own.
Commander: Why do we think that?
Soldier2: We translated dialogues between the males and females on a secret site called Gay Hookup Zone. The males often said, “I want to lick your cat.” The females responded , “ I love it when you make my cat wet.”
When the males converse amounst themselves they often say, “I’ve got to get some cat at twilight (* tonight* ??).” and “Yes.. me too.”
Commander: Did we learn anything else from their transmissions?
Soldier1: Yes. The fastest growing religion on Earth is Blog.
Commander: What is Blog?
Soldier1: Well.. we are sure. Many Earthlings are not even sure what it is.
Commander: How are we sure that it is a religion?
Soldier1: Millions of Earthlings spend hours reading, writing and studying Blog. And much of Blog is devoted to these cats.
Commander: OK. I am calling off the full blown invasion of the planet. We will dispatch one ship to Earth with 10 soldiers. Their mission will be to eliminate this McGiver, capture as many cats as possible and bring back a copy of Blog. The mission….
(* This is where SETI lost reception of the transmission*)
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If Men Wrote Advice Columns
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Posted:Apr 10, 2005 7:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2365 Views
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**** This is NOT original ****
Q: My husband wants a three sum with my best friend and me.
A: Obviuously, your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you, he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your college roomates involved, too. If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you are still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen helps you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by perfroming oral sex on him twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q; My husband spends too many night out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young, single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing atmosphere at home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being gone for a day or two(it's a great time to clean the house, too!). Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to when he returns home is for you and your friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband does not know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband.
If you must mess with it do it on your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to video tape this and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your husband as much as you should; he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband always has an orgasm and then rolls over and goes to sleep.
A: I am not sure that I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
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To link to this blog (rm_bluegenes51) use [blog rm_bluegenes51] in your messages.
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