One Big Porn Book
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Posted:Nov 20, 2007 7:27 am
Last Updated:Mar 19, 2008 5:55 am
2500 Views
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It's not often that I write anything here,but I feel it's time to write something now
after reading a few blogs and some from the people I have come to know.
reading one our friends blogs she was a little miffed at men's reactions at her worded profile, a few were nasty
her profile stated what she was, and wasn't looking for, but still those people mailed her, we ourselves have mail filter on that way we can only get mail from people that are compatible with us, it would seem that it doesn't matter what you write in your profile men just see sex! they are not interested in what you are, who you are , or what you are looking for, they just want sex,
what I cant understand is when you say no men or no married men in big capital letters they fail to see this, we get a few on cam who ask the stupid question, they say they cant read profiles as they are non paying members, well ! right under the cam your looking at , it say it real clear , but they still don't see it or get it
when I was single I joined a dating site not this one, and I looked at profiles for a suitable female, I never wasted my time on unsuitable's why would I ?
we don't see the people or hear from the people that don't suit us so maybe people need to turn on the filters
I think that after three years this site its what most maybe do when we are in for the night and board, don't get me wrong we come here with a purpose, because we are genuine people we have no problem showing who and what we are, but to many people are hidden behind false profiles and are just here to see porn or watch your cam on the hope they get a free wank , to many guys on here with woman's profile, very sad really,
we do our thing mostly at weekends, if * men * are reading this, woman very rarely look at cams ok, Men will look at any cam regardless of sex it's my feeling that Gay Hookup Zone is just one big porn book, you more than likely wont get laid here if that's what your looking for
and for the genuine people...... turn your filters on.
Still looking for the elusive single bi fem
CLYDE
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DAFFY DEFENITIONS
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Posted:Oct 31, 2007 6:45 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2024 4:4 pm
2416 Views
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[COLOR inAntelope (v): to run off with your mother’s sister.
Assassination (n): an arrangement to meet a donkey.
Baptist (n): a junior hamburger chef.
Basket (n): a short nap in the sun.
Circumstantial (n): circumcision on a really big baby.
Collonade (n): fizzy enema.
Defence (n): something to sit on for people who can’t make up their minds.
Diarrhoea (n) a very unattractive bottom.
Dictator (n): hilariously shaped, edible tuber.
Dipthong (v): to wash a lady's undergarment.
Diversion (n): Princess of Wales' version of the events that led to her divorce.
Dumpling (n): small lump of excrement.
Gastronome (n): small person prone to excess wind.
Harbinger (n): hard drinker.
Hatchet (n): small, bird droppings that fall from the sky.
Headband (n): top of the bill at a rock concert.
Hormone (n): the sound a makes when she's not been paid.
Hobnob (n): cooking accident often suffered by nudists.
Homophobe (n): strong dislike of The Simpsons.
Honeydew (n: women who regularly arrive late for appointments.
Induction (n): induced labour in a duck.
Innuendo (n): Italian suppository.
Intercontinental (n): person who has wet themselves all over the world.
Labiate (v): perform cunnilingus.
Laminate (v): to artificially inseminate a sheep.
Limpet (n): male who has trouble getting an erection.
Lobster (n): colloquial term for a female who ejaculates during orgasm.
Mantrap (n): sexual favour used by women to obtain money from men.
Mastiff (n): mass erections induced by watching pornography.
Menopause (n): break in conversation to allow men to get a word in edgeways.
Minjita (n) (slang): an Indian lesbian.
Misfit (n): an attractive young woman.
Mislay (n): a brazen or promiscuous young woman.
Morbific (n): excessively violent.
Multilingual (n): engaging in cunnilingus with multiple partners.
Negligent (n): cross-dresser.
Ostentatious: make and model of a pre-war British luxury car.
Outage (n): process of exposing a Gay politician.
Portent (n): The Millennium Dome.
Propaganda (n): a wooden support for one-legged male geese.
Rapscallion (n): Black, American spring onion.
Rectitude (n): Precise angle at which a rectal thermometer should be inserted.
Reflex (v): renew wiring to an electrical appliance.
Restitution (n): sanatorium for lactating women.
Skulduggery (n): archaeological excavation.
Snuff box (n): slang term for a coffin.
Spade (n): small surgical tool for removing ovaries.
Testator (n): a male who is constantly adjusting his genitalia.
Titillate (n): delayed onset of female puberty.
Titular (n & adj): busty woman.
Vagrant: (n): confused insect.
Willy-nilly (n): male who continually catches their penis in their zipper.
digo]
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I WILL SURVIVE (sing along ladies :D)
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Posted:Oct 24, 2007 1:55 pm
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2007 5:45 pm
2402 Views
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AT first I was afraid I was petrified,
when you said you had 10 inches, lord, I almost died!
id spent oh so many years just waiting 4 a man that long,
that I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on.......
but there you are, another lie,
I was ready 4 a big mac and you brought me a french fry!
I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream,
I should have known there was no anaconda lurking in them jeans !
GO on now GO ! walk out the door,
don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4!
weren't you the twat to think I wouldn't find you out ?
don't you no we're only joking when we say size doesn't count ?
I will survive ! coz as long as I've got batteries, my sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex, with a hand full of latex! I will survive! I will survive! hey hey ..........
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WEE RANT...
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Posted:Oct 15, 2007 11:35 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2007 5:45 pm
2463 Views
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WHY OH WHY OH WHY? do men insist on posing as women????? ok..1 out of a hundred gets away with it for more than 4 minutes (maybe) the rest are spotted after the 1st time they open their font!!!
++
like if we are on cam an im window opens and you get "hi i'm sara from Italy" "you are beautiful hun"(when both Clyde and i are on) please show me your pretty titties??"can I play with you on cam??? you get the gist???and of course if you ask about their cam.......erm the ate it.....oh no its broken...i dont have one...but im getting one next week....ooh i just bought one but dunno how to set it up  ...!!!sigh....come on guys answer this one please i'm truly interested in WHY men do this?
another thing that kinda bugs me is why total strangers who havent even said hi try to add you as a friend "whats that all about? " as my would say....oh and while im on the rant ....why do women put on their profiles that they are looking for couples when they obviously AINT eh? eh? eh?
aye well ahm dun noo.....
RIVER 
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MEN AND WOMEN !!
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Posted:Oct 13, 2007 7:35 am
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2007 3:33 pm
2316 Views
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[/SIZ MEN AND WOMEN !!
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more MONEY than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
E]
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Women and Men Shower Differences
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Posted:Oct 10, 2007 11:30 am
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2007 3:35 pm
2487 Views
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How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit and mint enhanced conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE MOST OF IT'S TRUE!!!!!!
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AFFAIRS
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Posted:Sep 28, 2007 6:08 am
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2007 3:35 pm
2368 Views
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The 1st Affair......
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.
One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied,
"I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said:
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair......
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a .
They decided to try one last time
for the they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new .
He was horrified
at the ugliest he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the
father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
"Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair......
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician
commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home
"I have something to show
you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed,
"Schwartz is dead!"
The 4th Affair.....
A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you,"
she said, " pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied,
"the Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too."
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 5th Affair .....
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
"How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied:
"Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?"
The bartender replied:
"The same thing
I'm doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair......
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted,
"I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied,
" now just rest
and let the poison work"
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summer time
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Posted:Jun 11, 2007 9:03 am
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2007 3:36 pm
2477 Views
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Saturday was it hot ? we in the west coast of Scotland thought it was, must have been in the 80's with no breeze
thats hot for us lol was a little to sticky for me though
we got out in the car and drove long the coast line was unusual to see people walking in T shirts and skimpy tops with no jackets
we even saw people on the beach (gravel ) paddling in the water
lots of sail boats and jet skies
Sunday was humid not so sunny air wasn't good
almost back to normal lol
I'm no sun seeker to much sun and i get headaches
Monday its back to work again, off down the road to Jedburgh, nice day today, very sunny and hot again, but rain for casted for tomorrow ,
you would think this hot weather would bring out a few single bi fems that have been hibernating lol, we still looking for that girl, with the weather so good we could have some outdoor fun 
we live in the hills so plenty Vally's and rivers to explore
must take advantage of this great weather
when we can, so if you like the outdoors and the Vally's and such and fancy a bit of hanky panky
give us a call
Clyde
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post about a blog about abuse
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Posted:May 17, 2007 2:17 pm
Last Updated:Jul 24, 2007 9:17 am
2619 Views
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Read a post about a blog about a post about abuse,
Adult-friend-finder they call this site
but after reading the blog,post,abuse thought i would have my two pence worth
first of all the word ADULT, i think that means mature, second word FRIEND, we have them or don't,third word FINDER,looking for them here,
Gay Hookup Zone, so here we are a community of adult mature grown ups looking for friends
or relationships of different sorts
We advertise our self in one way or another
as we would like others to see us,either in words or photos or both
We have paying members Gold,Silver and then we have free members
we have been all three and at moment silver, we have been a Member Since: October 10, 2004
we have had no luck in meeting anyone that our profile was asking for
now that could be for many reasons but we have never had any abuse or hurt flung at us in any way or form
not to say this dose not happen as i have witnessed this in the UK chat room many,many times, but not to us as yet
what gets me is...... this is font abuse lol
but then i know words can hurt, not me personally
lol i can just leave or stick them in Iggy,
now i don't want Lady's saying I'm being sexiest please .. but its woman i see having these wars of words
and of course there are woman when I'm in chat room who come in just to cause trouble
i have to ask my self what is that all about?
and to discriminate again if thats what it is i find its non paying members
Way would i pay good money to be a fake or a trouble maker etc,and risk being banned of course Gay Hookup Zone, bans people but they just join again under a new name which to me seems a waste of time
don't get me wrong i have seen men being abusive as well
men! lol got a new chat up line? don't think so
men seem to have lost the skill of communication once in the chat room
if they were to talk to woman/Lady's in that manner in a public place, well..
but then WHO am i to say we ain't scored yet *lmao*
Chat room for me/us is to communicate and talk to the people we know and catch up whats going on it also lets us advertise our self's as we cam at the same time so people can see what and who we are
doesn't stop people asking the ridiculous regardless of there age sex and and status
clans or Leach's
they exist and are bad you have to fit into that way and thought to be in them thats unhealthy
but i find most are good people there are so many people that you never know mostly men as Gay Hookup Zone has millions more men than woman well UK anyway
we/i don't take sides don't get dragged in to group abuse people can say, be,do what they want as they are mostly font people with no proper profile
and because this is the INTERNET we can be what ever we want to be with no blame or justice
because this is a font world which we invent as we hide behind our four walls of security
After so many years here looking for the illusive bi fen lol
i have come to think that of the hundreds of so called bi fems are, not bi fem, bloke pretending, photo swappers, cam players and very bored people that live on this small world of self believe,
but for my cash we/i get a good laugh, have spoke to some really great people,polite friendly and mature
yes we can let our daft side come out and be silly, but the abuse and gang abuse i have seen is way out of order from so called adults
we are lucky i suppose we are a couple happy at that do we really need that single bi fem?
i suppose i maybe wrong but would i come here to look for real mature gay, bi, swinging,strait people, if i were single?
PLEASE NOTE
I'm just talking of the top of my head freelancing i hope i have not hurt anyones feelings or have been sexiest racist or what ever
I'm not trying to upset anyone in anyway and if i have said something that you feel is out of turn then i do apologies that was not my intention
maybe i should just shut my big mouth.
Clyde
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Back to work
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Posted:Apr 17, 2007 12:51 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2007 7:17 am
2524 Views
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So.... with Easter over its back to work, it's only tuesday and i have had enough
why cant i just win the bloody lottery and be done with this working thing
don't get me wrong i don't mind a bit of work now and then but i work away from home all week
i don't get to choose where i work, its where ever they tell me to
and Otterburn in northumberland well...
been here three years now think i have become a local
there are a few small towns scattered round Otterburn and i have lived in them all
Jedburgh gets my vote but then im two years here now and bored with it too
im onto my second hotel, don't all the rooms look and feel the same
Still not long till Friday and its home again for a couple of days
i think of home as a stop over on my way to and from work
i don't really live there, i just stop over for a bit
Some people think my job is glamorous, living in good hotels and eating good food and drinking fine wines, been doing this 14 years now gets a bit boring
life on the road was ok when i was younger god i lived lol
but now i just want to be home, my legs are tired
aye, just me and the four walls, there is a life out there, so im told
Clyde
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where is she ?
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Posted:Apr 14, 2007 12:41 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2008 4:20 pm
2567 Views
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Hi all
We are just back from our Easter break
the search is on again.......
any single BI fems please contact us
River-clyde
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For River
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Posted:Apr 4, 2007 4:41 am
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2007 10:48 am
2698 Views
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God bless the day
*
The trees lie bare and empty while birds are on the branch
the leaves that fell lie on the ground soft breezes make them dance
the skies are blue and cloudless the air is still and quiet
as winter starts to creep within a hat some gloves a scarf
*
The sea is calm and lifeless as the moon it lights its way
a path of sliver sparkles beacons you today
as lovers hold each other close and wish upon a star
those dreams and fears that lasted years all faded yes tonight
*
Summers not to far away and warm the day will bring
all the pretty flowers and colour once again
and as the sun shines brightly and laugh and sing
God bless the day i met you each days a special thing
Clyde.
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in serch
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Posted:Apr 4, 2007 3:11 am
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2007 10:48 am
2763 Views
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You know, i met river on a dating site 3 years ago not this site another one
as we have a very strong loving and open relationship we decided to join
Gay Hookup Zone in a search for our sexual fantasy
River is very Bi curious and i'm, well game!
I suppose its every mans dream to have two woman at one time
or just to watch, i suppose this internet makes anything possible
now i say possible, because we have not had any luck yet
maybe its because we are not swingers and looking for that illusive
single bi female
many profiles claim to be just that, not sure if its just there fantasy
or just to play, the internet is just that a playing field
We go online often on the cam as a couple to let people see what we are, we don't do the naked stuff we are just proving we are what we are
so many guys pretending to be woman lol
and don't have cams but want you to cam for them, are we stupid?
We have talked to many nice people in the UK chat room although most of the stuff that's going on in there is just crap
woman v guys what a difference lol guys outnumber woman 20/1
and are so crude, you just wouldn't chat up a girl in a club like that now would you
but guys are funny they will watch an empty chair for hours and even rate it a 5
maybe they work in the furniture business
We have had two meets but they didn't work out, i suppose things have to be right for both of uss
i think also age is creeping up on us at 46 and 48 we are no spring chickens lol and we are playing in a young persons field
Time maybe running out for us, but we have faith that one day soon that illusive single bi female will contact us and our dream will come true
Clyde.
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To link to this blog (rm_riverclyde) use [blog rm_riverclyde] in your messages.
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