When you use the word "vanilla"...
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Posted:Mar 23, 2014 3:43 pm
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2014 1:20 pm
7479 Views
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... you give away the fact you have a more "advanced" sex life.
I just found this out today when I met one of my newer gal friends for lunch. I used the word "vanilla" in a way that wasn't even talking about sex at all, yet she said, "hhmmmm..... you know, I have learned whenever someone uses the word 'vanilla' like that it means they enjoy a more advanced, experimental, swinging-type sex life, is that you?" I told her that she wasn't too far from the truth at all with that and we shared our experiences, which totally paralleled each other. Fascinating.
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The City is Calling Me
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Posted:Mar 23, 2014 3:30 pm
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2014 3:43 pm
7536 Views
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I don't think "he" is on any online dating site - spicy or vanilla. I think he is wandering around in the city and we need to run into each other. I need to get out of the boring suburbs.
I spent the afternoon with a girlfriend in the city; we ate at a fun restaurant and then walked around the lake, what I affectionately like to call an "urban hike" just because that makes it sound sooo cool. (to my dorky self anyway). I LOVED the vibe in the city and that is something I used to not like at all - back when I was married.
Now I long for it. Men in the city seemed more smiley, but then maybe because it was because I was smiling at them. The runners around the lake looked you in the eye and said "hi," etc. I liked that! The men in the 'burbs are likely usually married and pushing a stroller. I need to escape!!!
I want to be able to walk from my house and grab a great magazine or book and sip coffee at a hopping joint. Or walk from my house to the little grocer's for fresh veggies for the next few days, along with flowers for the dining room table. I want to be around PEOPLE - the suburbs are killing me with boredom!!!
The only choice near me for a place to eat is Applebees. I am not a foodie snob or anything, but, OMG, I long for a bit more spice and variety!!
I think the city is more "single friendly." Yes, it's time to start making a move!! I am saying this outloud, knowing when I admit to something and state my intentions, things start steadily heading in that direction. A new chapter in my life calls for some new digs. I am excited!!
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I DO Love His Cock
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Posted:Mar 21, 2014 11:49 pm
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2014 5:59 pm
7803 Views
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Here's the proof that I can get raunchy -- I am a big fan of Jackyl. If you have no clue who the hell Jackyl is, then you were likely born a decade either before or after me. You didn't wear tight Levis and you have no idea what Aqua Net is. It was when guitar solos and men with pretty hair ruled the rock world. Sigh... those were fun times. Course, I wasn't known as the type that listened to this music by many - just my friends at the mine pit parties. And, today, most people in my life would be shocked to learn I do dance to these songs when I am all alone.
(Sorry, Gay Hookup Zone won't let me post links, apparently we are supposed to pretend we can get all we need from this site alone. Go to another site and type these songs in the search if you want to listen)
Jackyl sang the famous Lumberjack Song....
And before Buckcherry came along with Crazy Bitch, Jackyl gave us Dirty Little Mind
Often times he did the Bunny Hop on stage to this song, dropping his pants and hopping across a stage full of women bent over for him.
Even though, he's *THAT GUY* who did that, you gotta admit, the lyrics get deep here. Even HE knows you get to the woman's MIND first...
"And I know what she's thinking
Yes I know what's on her mind
You've got to know, my body's sinking into her mind (DEEP!!!)
And I know she'll never let go
Cause I've got her on a stick stick stick stick...stick"
Course, then he does the stick thing, so maybe I give him too much credit... oh well.. he has pretty hair, he can say anything.
(Shhh... I know he probably doesn't have that hair anymore... )
And, finally, yes, he sings She Loves My Cock... classic...
This brings me to the point of this blog -- I DO love a man's cock and I feel no shame admitting that. I think there are two types of women: those that love it and those that put up with it. The latter group loves sex and loves what it does to them, but "OMG, don't make me LOOK AT IT... (let alone touch it)." Those are the women that call something so awesome "Junk." And I am sorry for that, because they are missing out.
But let me reel back a bit here, because we must be clear the cock isn't the end-all, be-all for a great sexual experience. I am learning that men do feel a lot of pressure when it comes to their prized jewels. I have always been a little sensitive to this, as I have never liked the word "perform" when it came to men and sex. I found that to be demeaning and pressure-filled. You have to PERFORM??? YIKES!!! I sure wouldn't want to do that, so why would I expect that from my partner?
But it goes beyond that, I am learning. Dr. Ian Kerner says that men learn to protect their manhood at an early age - some of the protections are voluntarily, but some are involuntary (such as the "cremaster reflex".. look it up, and even though I have seen this reflex in action, now that I know what it is called and why it happens, it just that much more exciting). I am quoting Dr. Kerner from his book Passionista: the empowered woman's guide to pleasuring her man: "The journey to, and through, manhood is very much a journey of learning to stay in control..... "To live in a society, we all require a degree of control. Too much control, however, and we can become automatons. Control is always being right. Control is not letting your feelings influence your life. Control is not letting the joy of life be a goal. Control is being neutral or neuter. Control is not being sensual. Control is lessening the enjoyment of sex. Control is not being aware or responsive to feelings of others, since you are not aware of your own feelings. Control is always being on an even emotional plane."
I don't know if men will agree with that whole paragraph, but it sure made me sad to read it. I know my ex was always "even keeled" and that's why I likened sex with him to having sex with an unfeeling cold statue. I guess I would rather take the lows with the highs, because the highs feel freaking amazing....
But, back to the cock, in the physical sense..... It has been enlightening to learn the frustrations some men feel when women mishandle it. I haven't asked if I have mishandled it before (I will in the future), but I will take the moans of pleasure "that feels SO GOOD" along with "that was the best blow job I have ever had" as validation I am at least in the right direction.
And, yes, that makes me happy, because NOTHING makes me more happy than making a man feel amazing. I am sorry for adding this little blurb about myself in here, I don't know why I did that -- offering up my "references" -- I suppose because this is a dating site after all! 
Before you can make someone feel amazing, however, you have to APPRECIATE them.... Appreciate the cock, be able to look at it, study it, and long for it.... because you can only be truly good at something if you enjoy doing it, otherwise you are just faking it and that will be apparent in the end.
I really wanted to get deeper with this blog, but I am still processing all I am reading, so these are just my intial thoughts coming through. I am thinking of women (grown women in their forties for Gosh Sakes)who still laugh and giggle at the sight of a cock and I want to say, "Grow up." For the sake of your relationship, your man, Grow Up. Dare I say, if a man EVER laughed at the sight of anything on a woman... (or called it "junk").. well.. we know how that would fly. (hide the scissors!!!) I don't mean to criticize women, as I have been there, too. "Too shy" to look... or whatever. But real pleasure comes from knowing it, loving the way it looks and longing for it. Your man will feel that as well, enhancing the whole dance.
So, men, I say KEEP sharing your beautiful cock pictures... no matter what size (we all know the g-spot is only an inch or two in the vaginal wall, right??? but I will save that for another blog..) Stop comparing yourself to other men, stop worrying about "penis envy" or whatever.... hopefully your woman will learn ALL your sensitive areas on the pelvic region (it's ripe with secret places to explore) so that your cock isn't ravaged every time as if that's all you have to offer or get to enjoy.
So much to learn, and I am tired, so I am just rambling now..... This is what Jackyl and a good book does to me.
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Passionista - A Book
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Posted:Mar 20, 2014 7:06 pm
Last Updated:Mar 21, 2014 6:21 pm
8103 Views
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I recently stumbled upon a book called Passionista: The Empowered woman's guide to pleasuring a man by Ian Kerner, PhD and I am LOVING IT!!! It inspired me to start up a focus group for women based on it. We will meet for five weeks as we devour the book and explore the principles.
I want to note that Dr. Kerner also wrote a book for men titled She Comes First: The thinking man's guide to pleasuring a woman.
Three quotes off the bat that gripped me and are the reason I want to share it with other women:
"If most of us live in a world where the best sex we never had is the best sex we ever had, then it is of little wonder that sexual problems are among the leading causes of divorce and relationship dissatisfaction."
"The number two reason for divorce in this country, after financial conflict, is sexual dissatisfaction, and a crucial part of the problem is lack of communication and poor information."
"Love, is indeed, mysterious. Sexual ignorance, however, is not. It's a function of laziness, prejudice and fear. The more we learn about sex, the more there is to appreciate, understand and savor."
He sectioned the book off into two sections -- the first is about the Male Anatomy, Brain, Mind. The second introduces more technique-based advise. He warns women not to skip the first part if they cannot answer the following questions. I found the questions interesting, to say the least, and I can't wait to read more!!!
~ What's the best sex toy money can't buy?
~ What are the three types of erections all men experience?
~ IS your guy faking it? That's right, faking it. How do you know for sure?
~ How can a properly administered pelvic massage actually help to lengthen your partner's penis?
~ If, as the poet Ogden Nash wrote, "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker," what are the brain's natural sex-stimulants, and how do you get them flowing?
~ What's the difference between orgasm and ejaculation, and are the two inextricably linked?
~ Do you know the difference between a "local" orgasm and a "global" orgasm and how to stimulate the latter?
I love how one never stops learning and growing!! I look forward to spending five weeks immersed in this book with other women who want to learn and live empowered. 
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A question to ponder
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Posted:Mar 19, 2014 10:31 am
Last Updated:Mar 21, 2014 6:21 pm
7905 Views
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If you "say" you are sexy... are you?
If you "say" you are a great lover... are you?
I was once looking for a used couch (yeah, gross, won't be doing that again) and I laughed when the description read "Beautiful Couch!" yet you open up the ad and what do your eyes behold? Some lopsided brown, stained thing you wouldn't even let your sit on.
Beauty is in the eye of beholder, I can't say if I am beautiful or not. I can't say if I am a great lover or not. It's all up for interpretation.
"BEAUTIFUL couch for you!!!"
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What is Connection?
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Posted:Mar 16, 2014 6:33 pm
Last Updated:Mar 19, 2014 7:34 am
8004 Views
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Continuing on the NSA theme...
So a new friend of mine helped me realize that I don't seek "true NSA" types because it's a lot like having sex with a mannequin -- (he said something different, but I use the term mannequin). Or maybe a "living doll"... someone NOT CONNECTED.
Connection is a big deal to me. I watched a movie recently called Don Jon. It is perfect for this topic and I highly, highly recommend men (and women, but for a different reason)to watch it. In the film, internet porn addict learns what it is like to have real, connected-type sex. The trick is simple, though, and you can start applying it right now, with the very next person you hook up with. It is simply: BE THERE.
Notice her.
Embrace her.
Look at her.
Be in the moment.
Touch her.
Care about her pleasure.
Read her cues.
To some men that might sound like work... "what about me" I hear them moaning. Men who get it, who are THERE with their partner receive as much as they give, and if they don't SHE's the mannequin, (dud)... it happens.... but when TWO people are THERE... it's amazing.
You don't have to "be in love" or "be in a relationship" to enjoy connected-type sex. All you gotta do is BE THERE in the moment.
When men read my profile and yet don't seem to get me at all, I have no desire to have sex with them. I don't just need a warm body, that's easy to find -- It comes down to whether or not we connect.
Sex isn't always some "tantric experience" when it's connected-type sex, either... it can still be kinky, raunchy, animalistic, but the joy factor just increases when there is some kind of connection there. I at least need a man to get me at some level. Just as I try to get him. Just as I want to learn what makes HIM tick... what pleases him... what is turning him on, what slows him down... etc.
Those who have sex without even acknowledging their partner are missing out. I say watch the movie, it may help...
P.S. This is also good for those women who objectify men in their own way, maybe not sexually, but in their own way... His girlfriend totally objectified him and didn't recognize HIM as a person, either.. so it does go both ways.
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There's always a string...
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Posted:Mar 16, 2014 5:39 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2014 6:29 pm
7534 Views
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I don't believe in NSA (no-strings-attached). For me, that's not possible. As I look back with fondness at every sexual experience I have had in my life, with every man I got to share intimacy with at varying degrees, I smile with gratitude. I deeply and genuinely care for each one, even if we didn't "end up together." I obviously didn't end up with any of them, in the end, but I don't hate any of them for it. We can't force things like love in life -- you gotta roll with it. I am pleased to say I don't regret one sexual experience... not even in my twenties when I had those one-night stands. Course, I was careful and always practiced safe sex and I feel I have been healthy when it comes to sex. So, for me -- there is nothing to regret, just great memories. Obviously it hurt when some of those relationships ended, but as I get older, with the sting of the hurt faded, yes -- fondness and gratitude remain.
So don't ask me not to care. Don't ask me to not want a connection. I don't want sex with a mannequin. I don't want sex with an unfeeling, cold statue (hello, sexless marriage anyone???) I do not feel it is too much to ask to want to have sex with someone who wants to have sex with ME (for who I am, not just my body).
That means there is a string.... the beauty is we get to define it (and use it how we please).
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Just a Man, Just a Woman
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Posted:Mar 12, 2014 6:52 am
Last Updated:Mar 13, 2014 6:35 pm
7925 Views
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I will have a point to this blog, but first I have to start with a story - a true one. It won't be erotic (I'm not so much that kind of a writer), but it will be factual.
Shortly after I moved out of my house and left my husband I found myself in a long distance type relationship. We were both at the very same stages of separation/divorce and we just clicked in that weird, magical way. He lived in VA and I am in MN. I think we were both okay with the distance because that was less-threatening, seeing as how we each JUST left our spouses (he was living in his houseboat on the Chesepeake Bay).
Anyway -- we had a hot, steamy long distance thing going on. Texting day and night. Phone calls good night and good morning. Phone sex. ME... engaging in phone sex!! It always sounded so odd to me, but there was something very hot about it with him. (I can't see me doing it again).
We promised each other we would be each other's first post marriage sexual experiences. I felt like a virgin all over again (oh, especially because I hadn't had actual sex with a man in EIGHT Years thank you to a sexless marriage.. him too).
So we finally get a chance to meet. At first we each made plans to meet in Chicago, but I had to cancel that weekend meeting. We each had our plane tickets but I was able to transfer mine to fly out to see him a few weeks later. He saved his for another flight.
Anyway.... I will never forget the nerves I felt flying 1000+ miles to meet a man and finally have sex again. WOW. Yes, I flew out of state for sex. When my plane landed and I was walking through the terminal, I literally felt like jello. I could not breathe. I was so nervous. I stopped to fix my makeup, hair, freshen up a bit after flying. I stopped again to just breathe. He texted, "where are you?" I replied, "scared out of my wits!!!" He replied, "I'm just a man... come see me."
That really did help me and I was able to walk the rest of the distance and finally turn that corner and see him.... the weekend WAS all that we had hoped for. There was no let down for us upon seeing each other because we were both very up front about who we were with pictures, phone calls, etc. However, it turns out that is all we were to be for each other -- the first post marriage sexual experiences, (five full days and nights of it) but I am glad for that and hold no regrets. He will always have a special place in my heart.
On to my point.....
I am just a woman. I may have put up sexy pictures and a video that turns out some men seem to like, but it is all just a snippet of who I am. Not everyone will be attracted to me upon seeing my face and I know in person, I am just me..... Sometimes I feel men get so carried away they forget we are all just people on this site.
The lure of the "fantasy" is always tempting, but I am careful now to get to know the PERSON first. I like to quickly gravitate towards real time conversations and a meetup. You never know what someone is putting into your words on a screen, or your pictures. It might not be at all close to who you actually are and that is what leads to the "let down" when you meet and see that it's not a fantasy at all. There are awkward silences, bumbling kisses, someone falls off the bed, makes an odd body noise or two, has a mole, scar, bump or odd looking thing somewhere on the body, and on and on.....
The REAL fantasy for me is being able to be REAL with a man who accepts and finds all the realness just as sexy as I do. Being able to fully be myself and let go. I came so very, frustratingly close once in my life and I can see it would be amazing. I think it means a lot to me because my ex said he liked me when we first met because I was "perfect"..... (he needed the perfect looking facade for his life, but didn't actually care what was real). Oh what that word did to me all my life with him. Destroyed me. I couldn't live up to it. I stopped trying at some point and totally lost myself along the way. I am just now reclaiming my imperfectness and trying to be okay just LIVING and BEING.
Fantasy is like a cage. I don't ever want to be lost in fantasy again. I want fantastic reality and that's it.
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Perplexed
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Posted:Mar 10, 2014 4:57 pm
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2014 4:51 pm
7835 Views
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So, why is it okay for women to show all their "stuff" on here and no one bats an eye but some people actually complain (and worse yet) MAKE FUN of the cock pictures? I did write a post about poses that turn me on, but I didn't make fun of the pictures. Every day I see people complaining about cock pictures and it confuses me.
Enlighten me, please.
I love a man's body.
I love a man's cock.
I think so many of the pictures are downright beautiful.
I don't feel bad admitting that.
Sure, not all pictures turn me on, but that's true for men looking at women's pictures as well. We all have preferences.
But, I just don't get how anyone could complain about cock pictures on a sex site when women post pics and videos of their body all over the place as well.
Why is it okay for women to do but not the men?
I think it's about time we lift up men and let them be proud of their bodies AS IS, too. I don't get women who say they don't need to see it... they know men have one. Is that appreciation? Do they HAVE TO keep them under wraps in shame?
The human body is beautiful. Period.
Be proud of who you are. Embrace who you are.
At any rate, ladies-- if you are going to complain about a man sharing pictures of his "junk" (I HATE that term, how derogatory can you ya get??) check your own pictures a bit first - the hypocrisy is hilarious!
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Those Key Words in a Profile
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Posted:Mar 9, 2014 10:49 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2014 2:46 pm
7824 Views
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I think we all have key words that draw us into a person, or have us hitting the "x" button pretty quick. It's good to know what those are. I do wonder if sometimes I miss out on something potentially good because of it, because of a simple matter of misinterpretation (perhaps my interpretation of that word doesn't match his), but there are some things I can't look past.
For me one of those words is "laid back." I shuddddder at that thought. To me I am taken back to a marriage to a passive man - not even passive-aggressive, just plain PASSIVE. I can't trust passive, "laid back" men. Maybe I read too much into "laid back," but I can't help it.
Laying there, waiting for pleasure.
Silent, unable to express anything, joy or displeasure.
Figuring it will 'just work out somehow' without any work on his part.
"Whatevvvvver... life is chill, man."
No thanks!
Give me a man who has desires, wants and needs and expectations and knows how to express those things.
You can trust someone who tells it like it is, even if you don't like what you are hearing.
Silence is shady.
Lies hide in silence.
Maybe not all "laid back" men are passive, but I have a hard time separating those two from each other.
I used to think it was great that I was a 'low maintenance' woman... I also considered myself "laid back," but I have since changed my tune on that one. I DO require "maintenance" because I respect myself and won't settle for scraps. At the same time, I don't consider myself a Princess. I have expectations. I have wants, desires and needs. I will express them directly. You will know where you stand with me. I am not just going to "go with whatever...." All I know is any laid back man I have been with just didn't do it for me.....
Give me enthusiasm, drive and determination.
Now, THOSE are exciting words.
I can't help it, right or wrong, these are the images in my head when I hear "laid back".... I'll try to look past my own perspective and give a guy a chance to prove otherwise, but not many chances. Action is where it's at for me. Action isn't found in "chilling," "laying low"... "laid back"...
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Twin Cities - Looking for a Date
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Posted:Mar 8, 2014 7:51 am
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2014 5:01 pm
7847 Views
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Okay, I am going to try something different. There's a band I want to see Friday, March 21st. I am an organizer for several social groups and considered posting an event in one of them, but frankly, I get tired of that -- You never know who will show up and then I have to hear people's complaints all night. I want to actually have FUN at this event. So I want to CHOOSE who I go with. I could go with a friend (I do have friends) but I want a date.
If you love Outlaw Country (think Honky Tonk, not that pop new stuff) and you would like to go out, let me know. Let's talk and see if we have something in common. I would like to meet once before as well.
No expectations beyond a fun night listening to good music. I will send you a link of their songs so you can see if you like them as well.
Thanks!!
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Let's Talk Cock Pictures
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Posted:Mar 7, 2014 11:48 am
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2014 7:23 am
8253 Views
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This is all just personal preference. I don't speak for every woman out here, so take it or leave it, but here we go --
Guys, some cock pictures are beautiful... others... eh.... And it's not about the size, either, but the way it's done.
I had the great pleasure of "directing" a willing and talented man in making a video and I have to say that was a huge turn on and it was exciting to see my ideas come to fruition. I am begging him to post them, including the awesome cock picture he took during the making of it, but so far he is shy about it. I think other ladies would agree, though -- that's how it is done.
Any other willing men -- I'd like to see your art work!
Here's the direction --
Have on an unbuttoned, buttoned down shirt... crisp, clean, undone.
Either slacks with no underwear or jeans with no underwear. (Jeans look super sexy)
NO Whitey-Tighties. (EVER)
Take off your socks.
Make sure the background is clean-looking (trust me, a grimy floor and cluttered, gross background will not help you look appealing.
DO NOT -- DO NOT sit on the toilet!! EVER.
Women like a little tease -- Well, I do, anyway... tease a little. Show a peek. Show the process of getting hard, the rubbing over your slacks... the outline starting to show.
Lean back in a chair... unzip your jeans or slacks and expose your gloriousness... We like to see you in the process of getting undone and starting to be exposed. It's sexy. It gets the imagination running. We can picture kneeling before you in the chair, undoing your pants for you....
Give us something to work with here with your cock pictures. They can be a beautiful thing. Give it a little thought.
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Rejection with Grace
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Posted:Feb 20, 2014 7:51 pm
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2014 5:01 pm
9311 Views
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How a person takes rejection may say a lot about his or her character, however, I think it has to do more with the state of a person's self-esteem and emotional well-being.
Since my separation, I have become fascinated with dating at this stage of life. I have learned things I wish I had known when I was in my 20's and I have been fascinated not only by other's behavior, but my own as well. See, it's easy to point at the other and say, "you, you, you..." but it's hypocritical to never look within your own self and see your own flaws, as well. We are all human. We all do stupid things, hurtful things, or regrettable things at some points in our life. If you say you never do or did, and it's always the other person, you are clearly a person I cannot trust.
In the last two weeks I have both been rejected and had to reject. Neither scenario is fun, but it's a fact of life when it comes to dating. Learning to EMBRACE that and not fight it, truly frees you to be YOURSELF and keep pressing on. We all know rejection exists, however -- the knowledge doesn't do a person any good until he or she embraces it and uses it to change one's behavior. To change your RESPONSES to rejection.
Here's what I have learned -- reject someone, but don't destroy them in the process. Just be honest and direct. MY favorite line, "I am sorry but I just do not see a romantic future for us."
If someone rejects me, I only get pissed if it's in the form of an excuse. "The distance got in the way." I did call BS on that one with someone -- if a guy likes a gal, 40 minutes is NOTHING. (am I wrong??) So I just said, "You don't have to give me excuses, it is what it is -- I am glad I met you anyway. Take care and have fun!"
It hurt. I liked him. Studies have proven that rejection literally is measured like a punch to the gut in our brain -- it HURTS. Not just emotionally, but physically. You get all tight inside and it HURTS. No way around it. But -- it doesn't last forever. And taking it GRACEFULLY just feels better all around. Plus, someone won't have to block you or think about calling the cops on you....
Another thing to remember about rejection, it doesn't mean you are flawed. You are who you are. Embrace it. All of it. Even the "stuff" you think others don't like. Some WILL like it (or at least not mind it). Forget about the ones who can't see past it. You have OPTIONS. Believe it. There is more than ONE person out there for you - so let the ones that are not right for you (in whatever capacity you are seeking) GO.
Also -- if someone rejects you, it doesn't mean THEY are flawed, either. It just means they have preferences that don't include you. So what? You have preferences, too.
\"Thousands will want you, millions will not." Embrace that. It truly frees you!!! (I didn't make that quote up, it came from a book, but I am afraid if I post the title I will look like I am spamming it, which I am not...)
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To link to this blog (GreenEyedArcher) use [blog GreenEyedArcher] in your messages.
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