25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
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Posted:May 21, 2006 9:20 am
Last Updated:May 22, 2006 3:13 pm
3251 Views
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Isn't this just the truth though?
25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break
up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# next
door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms
and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going
to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real
work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?"
Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.
Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it & do the same
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Only in the South ?
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Posted:May 18, 2006 12:55 pm
Last Updated:May 22, 2006 6:08 am
3243 Views
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Only in the South ?
==========================
The owner of a golf course in North Carolina was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from
Appalachian State University in North Carolina and I need some help.
If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those North Carolina women.
==========================
A group of Clemson friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
=========================
Regarding the year 2000, a senior at UA (that's University of Alabama) was overheard saying . "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Alabama."
When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Alabama because everything happens in Alabama 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
==========================
The young man from N.C. came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number on it"
==========================
NEWS FLASH! -
S.C.'s worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Clemson students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
==========================
A S.C. State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-85. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?
==========================
A man in West Virginia had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither
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3 things to ponder
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Posted:May 18, 2006 8:06 am
Last Updated:May 29, 2006 2:36 pm
2684 Views
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3 things to ponder
1- Zero Gravity -- When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C. The Russians used a pencil . Your taxes are due again -- enjoy paying them.
2 - Our Constitution -- They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore anyway.
3 - Ten Commandments -- The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse is that you cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal", Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment.
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Stripper Name-by Heidi Glittercheeks
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Posted:May 14, 2006 7:22 pm
Last Updated:May 18, 2006 8:43 pm
3344 Views
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We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute. Please
don't be a prude and ruin it. Send it on to everyone you know including
the person that sent it to you.
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness
to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not.
Here is your dose of humor...
A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.
B. Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers. Don't forget to forward it back to
the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated.
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half
of
your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice
Now when you SEND THIS ON...use your new name as the subject!!
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I'll go down on you...
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Posted:May 14, 2006 7:21 am
Last Updated:May 24, 2006 8:26 am
3409 Views
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I'll go down on you...
I will go down on you and make you extremely happy
But only long enough until you think it's gonna get better...
then I'll come back up and fuck you like no other...
Sincerely Yours,
GAS PRICES
Remember to join Myspace member's and others to boycott all gas stations tomorrow, May 15th, Just to send a wake-up call the the oil producers. The more participation-the louder that call will be.
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Announcing 3 new groups!
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Posted:May 13, 2006 2:47 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2006 7:50 pm
2756 Views
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Alltalk
Alltalk
Moderator: SirMounts Said:
"I am unaware of any other group that offers membership to everyone, while at the same time is completely open to - and welcoming of - all concerns, subjects, and lifestyles. I feel that you should be able to participate in a group that is accepting of you, regardless of such things as your specific background or particular interests. A place where you can freely discuss pretty much anything, either by message board or in the chat room, while at the same time feeling that you can relax among friends.
But for this group to truly fulfill its promise, you must cooperate with each other for the common good. And that means that when you join, you acknowledge that you will at least be polite to and respectful of others - especially including when you might disagree. And so you commit not to make any personally negative comment to, or about, any member.
Given that, we always begin with a high level of civility and respect for one another. And because of that, other good things such as understanding, mutual support, and friendship, naturally occur. And as a member, you have no posting requirement, and are free to decide the level of participation that most suits you.
To assure that the environment here is pleasant for all, I will reluctantly but decisively use my power to delete anyone who chooses to be intimidating, disruptive, a serious problem to an individual member, or acts in a way that is detrimental to the group.
As the moderator, I do not really see myself as directing things. I wish to be certain that everyone feels welcome and accepted, to maintain an atmosphere that is enjoyable for all - and perhaps even to add a comment or two to the conversation from time to time. That's what I will do.
But the rest, all, is really all up to... you.
Again, welcome to Alltalk. Join now! Spread the word! And most of all... enjoy.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Those who like this group, might like...
Girltalk ~ ~ ~ Guytalk ~ ~ ~Alltalk
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TIBETAN PERSONALITY TEST
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Posted:May 13, 2006 2:34 pm
Last Updated:May 14, 2006 6:05 am
3247 Views
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TIBETAN PERSONALITY TEST ~
Take your time with this test and you will be amazed.
The Dalai Lama suggests you read it to see if it works for you.
Very Interesting.
Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you.
Be honest and do not cheat by looking up the answers. The mind
is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to
do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat.
&nbs p; MAKE A WISH BE FORE BEGINNING THE TEST!
A warning! Answer the questions as you go along. There are only 4 questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results.
Go down slowly, and complete each exercise as you scroll down.
Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as
you go along.
You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire
which will tell you a lot about your true self. Give an answer for each item. The first thing that comes to mind is usually your best answer. Remember - no one sees this but you.
( 1) Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference:
Cow, Tiger, Sheep, , Pig
(2) Write one word that describes each one of the following:
Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea.
(3) Think of someone, who also knows you and is important to
you, which you can relate them to the following colors. Do not
repeat your answer twice.
Name just one person for each color:
Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green.
(4) Finally, write down your favorite number, and your favorite
day of the week.
FINISHED? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY
WANT.
Look at the interpretations below: But first before continuing,
REPEAT your wish.
ANSWERS:
(1) This will define your priorities in your life.
Cow Signifies CAREER
Tiger Signifies PRIDE
Sheep Signifies LOVE
Signifies FAMILY
Pig Signifies MONEY
(2) Your description of implies your own personality.
Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.
Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.
Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.
Your description of the sea implies your own life.
(3) Yellow: S someone you will never forget
Orange: Someone you consider your true friend
Red: Someone that you really love
White: Your twin soul
Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life
4) You have to send this message to as many persons as your favorite number and your wish will come true on the day that you recorded.
This is what the Dalai Lama has said about the Millennium -
just take a few seconds to look it up, read it and think.
Do not put away this message, the mantra will come out from your hands in the next 96 hours. You will have a very pleasant surprise.
This is true, even if you are not superstitious.
Please do this. It is fascinating. SEND THIS E- MAIL MANTRA TO
AT LEAST FIVE PERSONS AND YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE.
0-4 persons: Your life will improve slightly
5-9 persons: Your life will improve to your liking
9-14 persons: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next
three weeks
15 or more persons: Your life will improve drastically and all
that you wish will come true
Jim Eberhard
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A little boy asks...
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Posted:May 13, 2006 6:56 am
Last Updated:May 16, 2006 10:29 am
2633 Views
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A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well , I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
You got Male!
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Internet in the United States
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Posted:May 11, 2006 1:12 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2006 2:31 pm
2858 Views
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Imagine, wanting to donate money to a charity and not being able to open the nonprofit's web page because of the charity's inability to afford the dominant internet provider's fees required to make the page efficient? Imagine the millions of life-saving dollars these charities will lose if lobbyists get their way? What if your is sick, and you can't gain access to a support group's page because the support group can't afford the fees? Or even scarier, imagine not gaining speedy access to a politician's views because the specific provider is against his or her ideology?
--Who's the Boss? star Alyssa Milano
Will the internet in the United States become, in the words of AT&T (SBC) CEO, their company's private "pipes"? Or will it remain, as the Supreme Court cited in 1997, "the most participatory form of mass speech yet developed"? These two very different perspectives reflect what's at stake in the growing fight now in Congress over the internet's future.
A growing movement of online users, public advocates, internet "visionaries," bloggers, and online corporations are fighting to have Congress enact what are called "network neutrality" safeguards. Such rules would preserve the internet's essential democratic structure: All content would be required to flow into our PCs and digital devices in a fair and nondiscriminatory manner. Network neutrality would help ensure that internet serves the interests of diversity of speech. As the new Savetheinternet coalition put it, network neutrality is the equivalent of the internet's First Amendment.
But an unfettered open road is directly at odds with the broadband business plans of AT&T (formerly SBC), Comcast, Time Warner and Verizon. The cable and telephone industry see enormous revenues as operators of a private internet toll-road. How has the internet -- so diverse and unwieldly -- fallen into their hands? The answer is (of course) the Bush administration. Heavily lobbied by the cable and phone giants, the Bush Federal Communications Commission has been eliminating the rules that required the internet to operate in a nondiscriminatory manner.
Under the "old" policy governing what's called the "dial-up" internet, the public was guaranteed that their internet service provider (ISP) had to treat all online content in an unbiased manner. ISPs couldn't, for example, speed up the email or websites they liked, or decide to slow down content it didn't like (such as from a peace group). The former rules also permitted the public to choose from literally thousands of ISPs to connect them to the internet. Such federal safeguards have, sadly, now bitten the digital dust.
It's all about broadband
Verizon, Comcast and the others had former FCC chair Michael Powell and current chair Kevin Martin strip away these rules because they were an obstacle to their plans to dominate the high-speed internet, or broadband, market. If a purely open and nondiscriminatory internet remained, then anyone could distribute a movie or video program -- a serious threat to the cable industry's monopoly over TV distribution.
No one needs a "Ma Bell" anymore to bring us telephone service. Practically anyone can now use the internet to provide phone service (known as voice over internet protocol, or VoIP). In other words, if the internet remained a real First Amendment friendly pipeline, both the cable and phone industry would see their profits and power evaporate -- fast.
But it wasn't only to prevent competitors that spurred our new broadband bandits to action. With the federal nondiscrimination policy now toast, the phone and cable companies could embark in earnest with plans to -- in their words -- "monetize" digital distribution. Through their sole control over America's residential broadband pipes (they have more than 90 percent of the market), they planned to set up a multitiered and pay-as-you-go private internet highway.
There would be a new fast lane, giving the content owned by the phone, cable and other media giants, the fastest preferential treatment. Video and multimedia programming owned by AT&T and Comcast, for example, would be received lightning speed on PCs, digital TVs and mobile devices. Those that couldn't afford to pay would be relegated to what the phone and cable lobbyists derisively called the "public" internet.
This so-called public lane would be the equivalent of a digital dirt road, easily marginalized by the majority of the public that has come to enjoy ever-faster and more efficient connections. A slew of Silicon Valley tech companies, including Cisco, have built broadband delivery equipment that allows a phone or cable company to make business decisions about every packet of data that travels over its lines.
Imagine a private air traffic controller working for Airline X. Its planes would be given priority takeoff and landings -- while competitors and others slowly circle overhead. Only those who could afford to make a payoff (such as huge fees or a cut of their business) would be afforded similar treatment. The Bells and cable hoped that with this control over the data lines, their broadband content competitors would crash and burn.
The cable and telephone broadband scam, however, is now meeting intense opposition. First, there is a growing opposition movement against the privatization of the internet. Led by Free Press, there is a new "savetheinternet.org" coalition, representing a diverse group of activists, users and experts from across the political spectrum, including Gun Owners of America, the United Church of Christ and Craigslist's Craig Newmark.
Earlier in the week, this group and MoveOn.org helped flood the halls of Congress with emails and online petitions calling on the Congress to enact safeguards for "network neutrality." The power of the cable/telco alliance to determine the future of the U.S. internet has also alarmed many of the country's most powerful online companies --
The GOP -- led by Speaker Dennis Hastert and House Energy and Commerce Chair Joe Barton (Texas) -- is firmly in the grip of the broadband monopoly lobby. Yesterday, Barton's committee rejected a network neutrality provision, 34-22 (sponsored by Rep. Ed Markey, among others). Helping the Republicans defeat the internet freedom measure were five Democrats, including Edolphus Townes (N.Y.), Albert Wynn (Md.), Charles A. Gonzalez (Texas), Bobby Rush (Ill.) and Gene Green (Texas). (It was the endorsement of Rep. Rush, a former activist, that permitted the Republicans to call their broadband bill a bipartisan effort).
But the growing outcry to protect the internet led to House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi's formally endorsing the network neutrality call. There is now growing optimism among "save the internet" supporters that the Senate, which will soon take up a broadband communications bill, will endorse a neutrality rule. A bipartisan plan to do just that has already been prepared by Sens. Olympia Snowe, R-Maine, and Byron Dorgan, D-N.D.
Federal rules to ensure that the internet remains a democratic medium of expression is essential if the United States is to ever become a more just and civil society. In the emerging era, the nature of what will be a ubiquitious broadband communications system will greatly define us as a culture. It must be one where the voices of those calling for justice, health care, environmental protection and peace can resonate as loudly as the commercial messages brought to us by Time Warner and AT&T. Network neutrality, or internet freedom, is a necessary and critical step to make sure such voices are part of the mainstream -- not exiled to the digital dirt road.
Jeffrey Chester is executive director of the Center for Digital Democracy (www.democraticmedia.org).
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Morals
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Posted:May 11, 2006 9:24 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2006 2:16 pm
2731 Views
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The teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too.
But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens before they're hatched.'"
"That was a fine story Sarah. Joey, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me a story about my Aunt Liz. Aunt Liz was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the f*ck away from Aunt Liz when she's been drinking"
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Magician and the Parrot
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Posted:May 11, 2006 7:41 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 11:52 am
2689 Views
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Magician and the Parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under
the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it . with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days .
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and
said......
..... "OK, I give up. Where's the frekin' ship?[COLOR seagreen]
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WHY PARENTS DRINK
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Posted:May 11, 2006 5:18 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 11:52 am
2634 Views
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The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home
phone number and was greeted with a 's whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes,"
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the
boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the , "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the .
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that
noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the answered, "The search team just
landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a
little frustrated the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
"ME."
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Red Fridays
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Posted:May 10, 2006 11:19 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2006 5:14 am
2655 Views
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HATE THE WAR-LOVE OUR TROOPS!
Just keeping you "in the loop" so you'll know what's going on as this takes off.
RED FRIDAYS ----- Very soon, you will see a great many! people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority". We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. We get no media coverage on TV, to reflect our message or our opinions.
Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that.. Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar will wear something red
By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family. It will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.
The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is...We need your support and your prayers. Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example; and wear some thing red every Friday.
IF YOU AGREE -- THEN SEND THIS ON
IF YOU COULD CARE LESS THEN HIT THE DELETE BUTTON --- IT IS YOUR CHOICE. WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE
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To link to this blog (Goldenhairgodess) use [blog Goldenhairgodess] in your messages.
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